Monday, May 10, 2021

Death Cleaning

I used to keep my will in the filing cabinet under the folder Misc, for miscellaneous. One day R needed my passport number to book a holiday and later yelled at me for having my passport also filed under Misc. I knew where they were.

Nevertheless I made a new file in the filing cabinet called........I forget. Maybe, Personal. That is where my will and passport now reside.

I will add to the file with an envelope addressed to Fire Fighting Nephew and inside the envelope will be the wedding ring given by my father to my step mother. This is my plan and here is an edited version of what will be in the letter with the ring. I know it needs a little polish but do you think this is a good thing or am I being a drama queen or melodramatic?

Dear B,

As for you no doubt, it wasn't easy for me when my parents separated when I was a teenager. I had such feelings of insecurity. My parents had been together for about sixteen years when they separated.

Did my father and mother ever love each other? I don't know but they were a gorgeous and graceful couple on a ballroom dance floor, before my Dad went outside to drink beer with mates and Mum was left alone inside the dance hall alone and the town girl in the latest Melbourne fashions did not fit in with the local country stout girdled ladies. Always faults on both sides.

Dad went on to meet T number two. I did not know what passionate and true love was until Dad met my step mother. Wow, this is what real love is about!!!

They married and exchanged rings. I became a bit teary when T gave me her and Dad's wedding ring this year of 2021. In the months since I have puzzled over what to do with the ring, that is who to leave it to or hand it on to.

Clarity of thought came to me tonight. One day B, you will be the senior member of the family.

Pass on the story of the ring and what true passionate love really is that I saw between Dad and T, at least maybe to your daughter J.

B.

PS. You've done well in life. You've travelled the world, lived and worked in Glasgow and have now settled to a stable family life with your own home and very good employment, a lovely wife and daughter.

22 comments:

  1. This is a lovely letter but I hope that you have said all of these things to him while you are alive - embarrassing as it would/will be for everyone.
    And thanks for the reminder. My will is in my filing cabinet and needs updating as the family changes. Himself flatly refuses to make one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No EC. I am a person of the written word. I would totally muck it up if I verbalised it. Just as well you have rights, in regard to His Self's estate.

      Delete
  2. I love it Andrew!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have file, Oh Crap it should of been done a day ago.
    Great Letter.
    Coffee is on and stay safe

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Dora. There are some things that can be left too late.

      Delete
  4. It's very difficult knowing what to do with those small, but very important, mementoes. I remember my mother giving her older sister some very poignant antiques from their old family home; which she immediately sold. One can never guarantee that others will have the same values as ourselves. I think your letter is excellent.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Cro. I suppose you really need to check with people first about what you leave them if things are bulky, but that was a bit sad.

      Delete
  5. What a beautiful letter to your brother, I'm sure he will be tickled pink when he reads it when the time comes way in the future.
    So hard to know who to leave personal things to. I think I will let my family sort that out themselves but for one item which I've promised.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Margaret, oldest nephew actually, and thank you. It just needs a tidy up. What a teaser, the one item you have promised.

      Delete
  6. A lovely letter to your nephew and I hope he appreciates the thoughts and the ring. I've thought about making a will, but it's difficult trying to sort out who gets what and there is no money to be left to any of them. I don't want to start asking the kids what they would like of mine, as my mum did. By the time she asked me, her house was mostly empty anyway.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. River, most, nay nearly all has been sorted out with Mother's possessions when the house was sold and it was ok. None of us were avaricious about it. Given you don't have a huge wealth, just let them sort it out themselves.

      Delete
  7. A lovely letter, Andrew and like you I am better with writing than with verbal.
    My will is a little complicated but I had to make it. My estranged daughter would be all over whatever I had left and make life miserable for Daughter who has been there for her aging parents and deserves what ever bits I have left as I toss off this mortal coil.

    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WWW, if it is anything like here, children will still challenge a will and are often paid off as it would cost more to defend the late person's will.

      Delete
  8. What a lovely letter to your nephew Andrew. Hope he appreciates the gift and passes it on to his children.
    I don't yet have a will, which I know is wise to have in Australia. In Portugal and probably most of Europe there is no need for one, as you can't disinherit your kids (unless you gave stuff out during your life), so if you have a surviving partner they get 50%, and the other half is divided by the kids and the partner in equal shares. When that partner dies then his share would get equally divided between the kids. Easy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sami, thanks. Portugal sounds simpler but even so, doesn't it become more complicated if there is a divorce and perhaps children by a second marriage.

      Delete
  9. That is beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I don't think it's melodramatic at all! It will show him that you're thinking of him, not to mention pass on some valuable family history.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good to hear your view Steve. I don't know if he will treasure it or not but I tried.

      Delete
  11. Misc? Is that like everything being filed under A, for "A letter", "A report"? For me, all of that stuff is under "Personal", which probably makes as much sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. James, my filing system seems perfectly logical to me. There is not much in personal really.

      Delete