Sunday, March 31, 2019

Visiting a cemetery and a jealous R.

The widower insisted on taking his car to visit the cemetery where our friend's ashes were interned. That was fine with me. His large town house has massive solar panels, about 12 I think, and before his partner died, the partner had ordered this battery. The widower has a really cool app on his phone that shows what the solar system is doing, feeding into the house or charging the battery and how much of each, along with electricity consumption. The battery cost a little less than $10,000 and was probably not a good financial investment. It was a very cold and wet overcast day. The house was using 2KW or .2KW of power, 7KW or .7KW of power was being generated by the solar panels, so the difference was charging the battery which was at a level of about 70% charged. The house firstly draws on the solar panels and when they won't give enough power, it switches to the battery.  I found it quite fascinating. The last place it goes to for power is the electricity grid.


I've never been there before but Ferntree Gully has the most lovely cemetery, with the backdrop of the Dandenong Ranges. The widower left flowers and we looked at some other graves. It is always sad to see graves of people who have died young.


At the cemetery gate we could smell and see smoke rising from warming fires at a couple of homes.


We had a really nice lunch at the busy enough Rapture Cafe in Forrest Road, but oh the local traffic. Where are people going? As we drove to the cemetery, Dandenong Road was banked up with a long queue of cars to get into the largest shopping centre in the Southern Hemisphere at Chadstone. Coming home using Monash Freeway, the left lane of the freeway was banked up with cars going to Chadstone Shopping Centre. Why do people put themselves through such an experience? Never mind once there, they will spend ages searching for a parking space and if they want something at the Myer department store and something at the supermarket, they will walk for miles. Our last visit to the Chadstone was over a year ago and it will be our last visit. The centre has no public transport serving it except for buses, which sit in the congested traffic with cars. 

After the funeral of our friend about one year ago R accompanied a gay Asian guy back to the home for the wake, as the person wasn't sure of directions. The around 40 year old Asian guy had a nice sports BMW and R and he got along well. Once home after the wake, he sent R a Facebook friend request, which R accepted.

He was at dinner late last year when we celebrated our late friend's birthday and I got along well with him too, so after a few weeks, I sent him a FB friend request, which he quickly accepted. 

I don't put much on FB, as R has huge problems with what I say. To R, FB is a light and friendly place, never sarcastic, never anything nasty. Well, that is not the real FB world, but it is R's. I wrote a flippant comment on the Asian guy's post about a photo and R came down on me like a ton of bricks. This is about the fifth issue R has had with me about what I post on FB. I must never be negative. No, don't put a photo of South African shanties with the other really nice photos. Always be positive on FB. Thankfully R does not read my blog as far as I know. 

The Asian guy was on a sea cruise with his older Aussie white partner and when he woke one morning on the ship, his partner had died in his sleep. He wasn't that old. It was before we knew the Asian guy. Can I suggest the Asian guy is not poor.

After the blow up about my FB comment on the Asian guy's photo, R accused me of being jealous as for once he connected with someone who I did not, and I was playing catch up. Probably true that I was playing catch up, but I am not jealous. R now thinks the Asian guy hates him because of my FB comment. 

At the marking luncheon of our friend's death one year ago, I know exactly what will happen tomorrow. R will see if the Asian guy is offended by my FB comment, and has transferred his dislike to R and once R finds out he is not, and of course he wouldn't be as I don't write nasty things on FB, R will then spend a lot of time chatting to the Asian guy to ensure I know my place. 

Nearly forty years together and still the game playing happens. That is ok. I do alright for myself in a different way.

There will be over thirty people there tomorrow, a sure sign of esteem our late friend was held in by so many, in spite of being a terrible old misogynistic and intolerant grump at times. He was a high achiever and a very kind and hospitable person. The female Brighton Antique Dealer will be there tomorrow, along with our Hairdresser Friend, his sister in law and a niece. That he and I were political opposites is irrelevant. There is barely a day passes when I don't think of him and we miss him muchly. 

29 comments:

  1. Sigh on the game playing. There is some here too (not a lot but some).
    Your final sentences say just how important your friend was to you all. Which is an impressive memorial for an intolerant grump.

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    1. EC, it was really nice afternoon, but I don't have to tell you how exhausting I find socialising. His brother made a wonderful speech and it was so nice to catch up people and even meet some new people who we didn't know, that is neighbours and fellow volunteers at the radio station where he was a presenter.

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  2. I think game playing is part of long term relationships. Just this past week my husband and I were bickering something fierce. It tires me! But so it goes.
    I am still missing my friend. I imagine I will for the rest of my life. She was far too young to have died and she was truly one of the most wonderful woman I have known.
    Sending you my best and a few hugs too.

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    1. Maribeth, I should think most long term relationships go the way of bickering and cheap shots at times. We get over it, but it can be unpleasant.

      Yes, I am sure you do miss your friend. As we age and survive we lose people around us. It is not nice and it wasn't something I thought about when I was younger.

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  3. Game playing me be allowed on Facebook.

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  4. Imagine being the chap was on a sea cruise with his partner and when he woke one morning on the ship, his partner had tragically died in his sleep. That would be my worst nightmare :(

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    1. Hels, certainly complicated to die at sea, but isn't just dying in your sleep next to your beloved the best way to go. Yeah, not good for the person who wakes up to find a dead person next to them, but think about my former sentence.

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  5. I had a youngish friend who died in the night. She had suffered an aneurysm, and BANG; her husband was distraught. I had another friend who died on a bus, and everyone thought he was sleeping. As it was a circular route, he just went round and round for most of the morning.

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    1. So sad about your female friend Cro. It is always worse when a person is young. Sorry, but I did laugh at your other friend who went around and around on a circular route bus while dead.

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    2. I'm afraid we laughed too. His name was Puffin.

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  6. The jealousy and blowups suggest a lack of trust on R's part and that is sad after all your years together. He should know by now that you aren't leaving him and that you can both be friends with the same person/people.
    "Can I suggest the Asian guy is not poor" reminds me of the Crazy Rich Asians book s I recently read. There's three books and in ne of them is a line: one rich girl says to another "B... is so poor, he only gets $10million a year to live on." Have to admit I almost choked on my coffee when I read that!

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    1. River, it has always been thus. He knows I am a trustworthy person so far as the relationship goes, now. As far as sex goes, we don't ask and don't tell and I once made a terrible mistake by telling many years ago. While I am still interested in sex, I am not much interested in doing it now, but I have my moments.

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  7. I've sometimes pondered about having a plot at FTG cemetery. We often drive past when we take the back road from Boronia. Looks a lovely place with a lovely view.
    Hopefully all of you can make a little tradition of meeting for lunch about this time to remember and reminisce about your much loved friend
    I often wonder about couples who never disagree - the sun doesn't shine out of each other's **** all the time and bickering is one way of keeping disageements at a lower level. Well I think so.

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    1. Rather a nice cemetery Cathy. I can the cemetery is sweating on two houses to increase its land area. How good was Rapture Cafe! Call in there. You would think you are inner Melbourne. I recommend the salmon patties.

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  8. Sorry about your friend. You obviously thought a lot of him.
    No game playing in this house.
    We had panels put on our roof 19 to be exact, we also have hot water connected to it, then what's left if any will go into the grid. The authorities come Wednesday to connect it. Be interesting to see how we go. I also have an app to see how it all goes..

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    1. Margaret, travelling together up close is not easy. There can't be game playing. But I expect you are quite relaxed about it.

      Exciting times for you. 19 panels is a lot. Please do tell us about it down the track.

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  9. It would be a bit traumatic to find your partner dead in bed next to you during a cruise.
    After 40 years I didn't think partners would get jealous.
    You seem to deal well with it Andrew.

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    1. Sami, it is not jealousy in the normal sense and it is just too hard to attempt to explain.

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  10. How many times have I told you to give him to me and we'd all be happy.

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    1. Jah Teh, be careful about what you wish for.

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  11. Every couple has there issues and there moments. it call communication and I haven't yet got it down. Life goes on

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    1. Dora, funny after so many year, you nor me get it right, or perhaps they don't get it right.

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  12. It has been a long time I haven't been to funerals and then cimetary. Everybody who passed away wanted to be incinerated. I prefer that by far !

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    1. Gattina, a simple ceremony is nice. But I like visiting cemeteries.

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  13. Oh you two! I think game playing is pretty normal, it can sometimes be fun, sometimes bloody annoying, but at least it's a sign there's still some life in the relationship 😉

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    1. Grace, I take some comfort that you think there is still life in the relationship.

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  14. Oh shoot. Hey, we could all just let one another be who we be. I don't know why people torture themselves to go to malls. Some sort of self flagellation for buying a lot of expensive junk?

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    1. Strayer, I think you are right on both counts.

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