Monday, October 14, 2013

Grooming under the influence

I am a firm believer in never going to bed with a piece of meat between your teeth. So many lines I could add, but I shan't

I use either a toothpick or floss if brushing won't remove a piece of after dinner crud and I have discovered why alcohol was used as aesthetic for surgery in days past.

After just the one wee drink, ok a little more as it had been a stressful day, a particularly stubborn tightly jammed in piece of crud that needed a good flossing to remove it was troubling me. I assiduously devoted the mint flavoured waxed thread to it but by golly it was stuck. Maybe I had earlier snapped off the end of a toothpick and jammed it in the tooth gap. Ah, blessed relief, as I swallowed the removed crud and possibly a piece of Asian grown timber. I can feel the gap nicely with my tongue now and all is well. Time to pass out sleep and I will sleep the sleep of the innocent with exceptionally clean teeth. Should I have not woken in the morning, I hope it would be noted on my autopsy file, stomach contents, steak and Greek salad including a possibly accidentally swallowed olive pip, but no traces of the meal between the teeth.

I awoke the next morning as fresh as a daisy. After showering, I cleaned my teeth. Ouch! As I spat out, blood was mixed in with saliva and toothpaste. Lordy, my gum is sore.

I learnt my lesson. No body maintenance under the influence. I should have learnt when I gave my self some foot maintenance and a pedicure and ended up with raw flesh, or the time I attacked a deeply buried pimple and ended up with a half of my face looking a baboon's arse when infection set in.

All body maintenance is herein to be done in the cold harsh light of day. Fortunately I have never been tempted to do any depilatory work after a drink. That really could be an ouch.

I hasten to add these three events were over many years. I don't want to sound like a lush. Wombat and Pants, silence if you please.

14 comments:

  1. Regular tooth brushing wasn't enforced at our house when I was a child, and having tightly fitting teeth I probably had wedged bits of meat often, as I do now. These days I floss, but I reckon the earlier days of decaying wedged food contributed greatly to the fact that most of my cavities were between the molars. When we did brush it was more of a quick brush, swish, spit affair. Early TV advertising for toothpastes only ever mentioned the whiteness and fresh breath (ring of confidence) reasons for brushing. I knew better by the time my kids were born as I'd already lost several teeth by then.

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    1. River, dental health is so good now, especially with the addition of fluoride to the water. I was much like you, a less than enforced quick brush in the morning, probably not at weekends.

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  2. Don't call R a piece of crud!!! ;)

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  3. Don't drink more than once every year or two, Andrew, but what can I possibly do to erase the image of a baboon's arse behind that camera?

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  4. FC, one must cope with life. If a drink or two daily is my mentally stabilising drug, so be it. How can I change the image? I was once cute, young, smooth, hung and in my mind I still am. In reality, only one thing has not changed. I fully appreciate that this will not work well for you. Baboon's arse was an exaggeration. There was swelling, not much more that you would see of an excited pudenda.

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    1. only one thing... hmmm
      this calls for some pondering...

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  5. Yep drunk grooming can be hazardous. I took a shower under the influence one time and almost fell getting out of it lol

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    1. I haven't done that Keith, but I still have time.

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  6. Very funny post Andrew and I'm still laughing at the exchange between yourself and FC .my own pondering is beginning now ...... :)))))

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    1. She is a card and a good sport too, Grace.

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  7. I do prefer dental tape, a little thicker than dental floss

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  8. As a g string Ian? The one we use is just normal Colgate one, but a bit ribbon like.

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  9. Ah that sounds like tape!
    A g string? omg! not at my age lol

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