This is a bit painful to write about and so personal, I am not sure if I feel comfortable doing so. But I come from stock (Mother) who feels better after writing a letter, even if it is not sent. Just to get thoughts down, the modern equivalent being an email you save to your draft folder and never send, is quite therapeutic.
Remember when R stormed out of the restaurant a few weeks ago in annoyance at our Brother Friends and their friend? Two days later one of the Brother Friends called and R told him over the phone that he did not want to talk about it and hung up.
Brother Friends told a mutual friend that they don't want to attend a meal out or any other event we attend. There are plenty of issues I could mention that have happened over the years that I could take offence at, but I don't care so much. R does care. He cares too much and is hurt too easily.
My loyalty is to R of course, but I know he is also troubled by the matter. Once when one of the friends rang R and abused him over the phone for no reason that ever became apparent, I did not understand. I still don't. People don't seem to do such things to me. Maybe I come across as a hard case, and perhaps I am. I think with some manoeuvring, I rescued the friendship and on the surface all was well. But perhaps not.
To give you some context, we have been on overseas holidays with them. We have been out to clubs many times when we were younger. We have done some crazy things together and got up to all sorts of mischief. We have done Sunday drives, many lunches and countless dinners out. Every christmas they put on a big bash for friends including us, a dwindling number in recent years.
They are back in Australia for a short time before going back to the place they love, Thailand, working up to living there permanently.
I suppose the friendship was dying a natural death anyway, but I can't help but feel a little sad at the loss of friends of 32 years.
I would understand better if I could understand how R saw their character defects and the way they relate to people as not being something personal against him.
In some ways I feel relief but I also feel such a loss of the past and our history with them. I am so worn by their miserly ways which has become worse over the years, down to not even having a soft drink when out, only having water and never being able to say, we all pretty much had the same, just divide the bill up. Their two aunts lived together and the Brother Friends recounted the tale of one asking the other, I am cold Margaret. Do you think we could switch on another electric radiator bar? Nonsense Peg. Put some more warm clothes on. They have become their aunts.
When things were good, we could laugh and bitch and reminisce, but this hasn't happened for some time. I have rescued the friendship once before, as I did another with someone esle, but as in the latter case, it only delayed the inevitable end. Attempting to rescue this break up will also only delay the inevitable, well, actually I have already delayed the break up once. This is the inevitable.
With some sadness, I say, c'est la vie.
Just in case you think I am so smart and all knowing because I can put a few words down on the www, don't, just don't.