I hope you don't mind the informality of my greeting, but hey, I have known you a long time. My earliest memory of you is at school where we promised to love, honour and obey you and there was always a photo of you hanging around in whatever public institution I happened to be in as a kid, from school to cubs to the local dance hall.
Sorry to hear your bloke is not too crash hot. He is not doing badly for his age though. At least while he is off the scene, he won't be making any gaffs. Seems that, in spite of his infidelity, he has been a pretty good husband. I did have a laugh when I read that you once threw a tennis shoe at him while you were here in Australia. We only found out decades later. Anyway, I expect you knew that before you married. Your mother was a worldly woman, and I am sure she clued you up well.
You know Bet, I find it quite fascinating that you were an army mechanic. Royal hands messing around with motors, no less. Bit of a bugger for your nails. I expect you could still do it, if cars hadn't become so high tech. A mind for car mechanics tells me of someone is simply grounded.
As for your children, well, you can only do your best. They make their own lives. You might have done better to home school them yourself, rather than sending them away for their education, but then you did have affairs of state to deal with and lots of overseas travel.. Which of us doesn't have a failed relationship behind us? Or at least have someone close to us with one. Charles is ok, albeit a bit weird, but I like his causes. Ann, well, she seems have reigned in (Andrew, that is so clever and it happened by accident) her lead foot and is no longer receiving speeding fines. Andrew and Edward are off the front pages, which I am sure you are very pleased about.
Liz, what did you really think about your grand daughter Beatrice's head piece at the wedding? And all that eye make up?
As for Fergie? Well, didn't you ever tell your lad about such women?
Yes, it hasn't been all beer and skittles. I've been a bit cross with you at times. You could have done a lot more to ameliorate the excesses of that madwoman Thatcher. You are the boss, after all. Inviting that despot Mugabe from Rhodesia, sorry Zimbabwe, for luncheon showed poor judgement on your, or your officials' part. Most of all though, Diana. Your delayed response was perhaps how you felt or how you were advised, but your people loved her, and straight away you should have been there for them. It is pretty clear you didn't like her, but that was not the point. Your people needed you and you weren't there. Sometimes you just have to step out of protocols and seem a bit human.
As for the republic business here, I wouldn't lose any sleep over it hon. It won't happen in your lifetime and probably not mine. You have done well Liz, and there is a lack of passion for a republic here. I can't imagine New Zealand ever ditching the royal family.
Anyway Liz, while this day is not really your birthday, it is the day we
celebrate it here. I think the date was for your father's birthday, or perhaps
your grandfather's. No matter, get someone to pour you a large chilled g&t and raise a glass to your colonies in the Antipodes as we wish you well for your birthday. Ok, ok, Liz, my feelings of bonhomie might be a bit to do with getting a public holiday.
NB Western Australia celebrates her birthday on a different day. They are bit funny about such things.