Sunday, September 09, 2012

The Thai Lads

Our Brother Friends' friends from Thailand depart/have departed on Sunday. R met with them five times, myself four times. We had dinner at Crown one night, dinner at the Dick Whittington Hotel one night, met them for a barbecue at a friend's place another day and had dinner with them at our local pub tonight/Friday night. R also went with them to Puffing Billy.

They are ok guys. One is solid and all muscle and quite forward and is at home in any situation, the other, slim and petite, shy and given to reading his Buddha texts. In their own country they have little to do with each other, only coming together when our Brother Friends are in Thailand.

Their English is poor, but with simple clearly spoken words and hand gestures, communication is possible. As we discussed with another friend, how can you have a relationship with someone if you neither of you cannot speak the speak the same language? Given they have been our Brother Friends' partners for fifteen years, clearly it is possible.

One observation I will make, communicating with them does pass the time quickly. A simple remark might take a minute or more to explain before they understand. I did not always understand what they were saying, but I am used to that from heavily accented and/or poor English speakers at work. I seem to know where to appropriately insert a yes and a positive nod, and a no and a negative nod. Smiling gets you a long way too. I have managed this for many years.

The more shy of the two looked haggard and stressed when we met up with them early in their three week visit, especially at the Dick Whittington when he had to walk through a rambunctious crowd watching football on a big screen. One Brother Friend told me his partner was shaking, as anyone might when meeting ten of their friends. Bless.

But tonight for dinner at the surprisingly quiet local pub, just the six of us, he was much more relaxed and I could see the stress and tension had drained away.

They have seen some of our local areas, but little of the City. They have stayed a couple of nights at Mount Buller and a couple of nights at Phillip Island. The more outgoing is a fine cook and has enjoyed shopping for food and cooking and has now learnt about the need for separation of raw and cooked meat, and pork and beef and that tea towels are not for wiping your hands on after preparing meat unless you wash your hands first.

After the meal tonight, they came back to the Highrise for a Tim Tam and coffee/tea. They were not impressed by the views. Some people are blown away by the views, some don't notice them. No probs. They seemed to like our place well enough and I put the tv on to a football match and they chatted across our conversation about the football. I distinctly heard one say, foul, when something happened.

As we had heard so much about them before they came to Australia, nothing was really a surprise, but it was very nice to finally meet them.

The next time you hear about older gay white males who have younger Thai boyfriends, like about forty, don't rush to judgement.Commercial transactions can be a positive experience for all parties.


  1. No different from arranged relationships in some cultures, I suppose.

  2. I agree. As long as the couple are happy, it really isn't anyone else's concern.

  3. True Victor. Though there is a huge cultural gap.

    Yep AdRad, it works for them, so that is the main thing.

  4. Hi gay men. Boy Robert here, mincing past the Mosque as the Arabs go ooooh and aaaah. Well!!!!!- those dreary jaded old queens, beards and turbans, "hallabullagalla," they say. What's it mean?
    Verily. Hallelujah. Variety is not the spice of life it's the staple.

    Listen, what about those old men importing young Asian brides. Is it romance, or economics? It sure ain't natural. Gets lots of stares in supermarkets. knowing looks, if you please. Ha!

  5. Well the ratty part of Bangkok is backpacker rooms and brothels, I've stayed there and couldn't tell the difference.

  6. Traditionally speaking i.e. virginal white dresses and la de da and long before that, the only difference between prostitution and marriage has been a piece of paper approved by governments and with a tax attached.
    In fact, not even royalty have ever given a toss [pun intended] about the myth of monogamy.

    There was a chap - no I should say pig - in a certain town some years ago who had a thai bride and he treated her like dirt. Not nice. But a perfectly legal and socially acceptable heterosexual arrangement whereby a young lady sold herself to a pig in exchange for certain benefits which extended to helping her family.

    On the other hand, when nice people meet nice people and have a nice time together, there is no crime and no judgment is required.

    It's great but no surprise to hear that the shy chap started to relax a bit before departure. You are undoubtedly good hosts.

  7. Nice that you all got together for bbq's and footy etc. I've found that signs and smiles go a long way towards helping communication.

  8. RH, my mother's neighbour who suicided was one such Asian bride and it was a very successful marriage and partnership.

    FC, I often see fairly attractive youngish women in our better suburbs and see them with someone he is well their senior. Why would she be with him? Have his kids? I guess that she is out for lunch in nice label clothes with friends tells me what she sees in him. We have all heard tales about nasty Aussie blokes abusing their Asian brides, and Asian brides ripping off Aussie guys, but what are the stats? There must be many happy partnerships too.

    Indeed River. We may not discuss the finer details of world politics with them, but no matter.

  9. Being a boring heterosexual, happily married for 43 years, I have no idea what this post is about but I have had the experience of having relationships with men who spoke little English before I was married and even my husband was still learning English when we were first married and it has been a monogamous marriage.Once this seemed to be the norm but now we appear to be the freaks.

  10. Diane, I am pleased you are able to trust your husband 100%. In my experience, while it rare, I think some men don't stray, physically at least. I don't believe they don't mentally. These Thai lads English has not really improved in the whole time our friends have known them, and nor have our friends made an effort to learn Thai.

  11. What's successeful is the way people keep things to themselves Androo.

  12. Being non-Aussie I guess it takes mutual 'using' on both sides. We take what we can out of the relationship.

  13. I want myself a lady boy!

  14. Yeah MC. That sort of thing is not for me, but relationships take many forms.

    Neither are lady boys Fen, but I too rather like the idea of a lady boy. So so pretty and can still fuck.

  15. I'm happy for the couple.

    Anyway, last year I met a gay couple, one white Kiwi and the other a Chinese from China Mainland. They have been together for 20 years.

    The Chinese's english is still heavy with accent, and guess what? I was so surprised that when the Kiwi guy spoke to us, he sounded very asian without being condescending. He switch back to his Kiwi accent when he takes phone calls.

    Amazing that the guy is willing to cross the language barrier even if it means taking a foreign accent to his native language for making himself easier to understand to his life partner. So sweet!

  16. G, that is very curious and I have not heard of it before. I would have thought putting on an accent, as you describe, would sound weird to the native speaker. I spoke with the Thai guys quite differently to how other people were talking to them. I think my way works better, but I'll save that for another post one day.

  17. Anonymous1:08 pm

    'I spoke with the Thai guys quite differently to how other people were talking to them'

    Not the old 'I love you long long time' line, Andrew?

  18. Not at all Anon. I spoke slowly, without big words and I did not raise my voice, as everyone else did.