Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Family Update

Last year on a Sunday I took Mother to Lady Lavender's Tea Rooms. We took Mother out last Sunday to the same place in Bunyip. It is very nice. We did a few jobs for her at home, including going in to see and feed Dex, the dog next door who's owner killed herself.

It was sad. The house was so well kept. Her shoes were at the door. Potted orchids lined the side walk way. Dex was not very responsive. He is clearly fretting and waiting and wants to get out the gate to find his mistress. The daughter comes to feed him, but otherwise he is confined to the back yard. Mother feeds him and plays with for a bit and she was mega stressed about him being on his own all the time.

The neighbour was the first person on Mother's emergency call list and she doesn't really know anyone else much in the area now. All she knew have died or moved on.

Apart from her dietary, both real and imagined, problems, Mother's arthritis is getting worse and she is taking a lot of pain killers. Her neighbour suiciding has really shaken her up badly.

She loves her cats, the eight or so who live on her block of land. She watches them out the window and feeds them expensive cat food and would you believe formulated cat milk. But finally she is realising that she has to leave.  "I've just got to leave. I can't stand it here anymore". Well, that is progress. She is dreaming of a granny flat plonked into ABI Brother's back yard, but he has had enough and done more than enough. She has been demanding he sleep there Friday and Saturday nights because she is afraid. Someone snapped his rear wiper blade off last weekend and the next night he walked there in the freezing cold as he did not want to put his car at risk in the busy street.

Two options. Tradie Brother has a self contained flat at the rear of his house where his in laws used to live. His niece was living there but it is empty now. It is perfect for Mother, but she said, I can't see out into the street. I would see no-one and what about ABI Brother. Will he be ok without me nearby? We have thought about the poz and negs of her moving there and there are very few negs.

But down on the Bellarine near Sister, is a retirement place she could buy into once her house was sold. Sister has picked up some brochures to show her. The place is associated with where Bone Doctor works. In my opinion there are considerably more negatives to this option.

We saw Mother again today, Tuesday. Her friend who lives Eumemmerring put on a party for Little Jo's birthday, Sister had stayed the night before at Mother's and Mother drove Sister crazy with her whining about her medical problems. Then Sister woke up with a bad back and was crabby and I surmise the visit wasn't great. Mother's friend has a really nice place and she put on a great spread. Poor R having to put up with my family. I told Sister to go directly home to the Bellarine and drop R off on the way and I will drive Mother home.

Mother was so worried about the dog, but when I went in with her to feed it, it was gone. I think the late neighbour's daughter was hoping Mother would take on the dog on out of pity, but Mother wasn't having a bar of it, no matter how concerned she was.

Apart from her daughter saying that her late mother was very paranoid at times, we still don't get it and it was both spooky and sad to see her house.



9 comments:

  1. Poor Dex : (

    And I'm sorry your mom is going through this.

    I imagine it's extremely stressful on all of you.

    Hopefully you guys can work out a living arrangement that works okay for everyone.

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  2. Poor poor Dex. Good thing I wasn't next door or my Milly would be having to deal with being a hostess to a new family member.....

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  3. "All she knew have died or moved on".. that is so true.

    In the past, people stayed in their houses for an average of 30 years. I wonder if that is true now. Probably not.

    Even going back to your own childhood home can be a quite unsettling experience.

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  4. Hi. An old Greek woman died recently and a grandson aged in his thirties has taken charge of her little dog but wasn't caring for it properly. I've had a tslk to him about it and things have improved for the dog (shelter, bedding etc) but then people reckon I'm making a big stink about nothing. They look at me funny, like I'm eccentric, which is an image the tattooed and etc would kill for but which I get without even trying.

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  5. Its not easy when your parents age and begin to fret about their final years.

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  6. It's sad that your mum is fretting and thinking she needs to leave her home. I hope satisfactory arrangements can be made quickly that siut everyone. Arthritis is a b**** to live with.

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  7. aaw it's not a great situation for your Mum to be in, I bet she's feeling all kinds of vulnerable and confused. Hopefully somewhere suitable can be found for her.

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  8. Dina, it is a lovely dog and it is heart breaking to see in pining.

    Kath, Mother would have taken it in while alternatives were sought, but she knew she would then have to keep it. I expect that is why they left Dex there, so that Mother would take him.

    Hels, she has been there thirty six years. Immediate neighbours who are gone were also long time. I was shocked at the smallness of my childhood home. How did we all fit into it?

    RH, that was an honourable thing to do.

    Yes Victor. We have to expect we will get old one day.

    River, I don't blame her too much but Sister told her about an arthritis group she sees early morning at the local pool. All they do is get in the water and move their limbs, but it helps them. Mother replied, too early for me. You know I don't get up until nine. But her arthritis is getting worse and she is taking a lot of pain killers.

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  9. Not confused at least Fen, but just worried and stressed. She knows she is being silly, but she can't help it.

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