Saturday, February 05, 2011

4WD and SUV

I am sure there are some perfectly decent people out there who own 4wds and SUVs. I know one or two. I forgive them for their sin. Some even use them as they are meant to be used. I discount SUVs here because I did not observe any, but some 4wd drivers are fucking prick arseholes. They just delight in speeding through floodwaters, creating a wash that floods any vehicle around them and shops, businesses and houses along the street.

'It is all about me and what my machine can do to your poor chumps who cannot afford what I drive. I hope as you wallow in my wash, I have proved to you that I am superior even though I am so terribly underendowed and worse, 'it' does not perform nearly as well as my 4wd.'

I think I swore. I make up for it with some humour.

An old bloke was patiently waiting to reverse into a car space as a young bloke in a small sporty car slipped into the space. 'Hey grandpa, you need to be a bit quicker', called out the young bloke. The old bloke put his car in reverse, swung the wheel and slammed back into the young guy's sports car. The old bloke muttered to himself, 'It is nice to be old and rich'.

PS Sis in Law asked me for a $35,000 loan. Haha, I can pass on my credit card debt to you hon. I just add that in case you think I am old and rich. In my head I would like to be. I am not but I will concede to owning some very expensive bricks. They are not very digestible though.


  1. Many of your so aptly described 'FPAs' can be found on the grey nomad superhighway where the addition of a monster caravan to the 4WD/SUV turns the whole combo into a killing machine!!

  2. oh I saw this happen on the way home this morning. Queens Rd was still a bit flooded & there was a guy in a 4wd taking great delight in going through it, over the limit. He not only swamped the cars in the lanes next to him, he also soaked a couple of guys who were walking on the footpath near one of the hotels. Wanker. I secretly hoped he would run off the road and hit a tree or post.

  3. Andrew, dearest, darling, may I please have whatever's left over after your generous loan to your sis-in-law? Although I will share it with Jayne, I know she could do with a quid or two to build that MacMansion at Dunolly.

    Did she really ask for that much money?

  4. A wonderful post, Andrew. I really enjoyed this one. Yes, we all know (and think the same) about them Toorak Tractor drivers! And most of them are women who can't drive, don't look and think they have "The Power" just because their sitting up high.

    I do understand in a way though - when I was up in FNQ in 2008, I hired a vehicle when I was in Cooktown - the only vehicle you can drive (and hire) is a 4WD, except if you only intended to drive along the main road. Well anyway there was I in the huge thing going along Peninsula Development Rd, unsealed of course and after getting used to the feel of the thing, it really is wonderful driving along. It's so different than tootling along in my little Honda Jazz. Driving back on the Mulligan Highway, naturally you just have to floor the pedal - just to see how fast it could go. The boys in blue were nowhere in sight.

    With regards to your question about the sculpture, I don't know the answer, but I think not, or at least not in the place I saw it. Tesslaar's have an art/sculpture competition each year which is where it was.

  5. Hi Andrew

    Prick arsehole Pants here. The Pantibago, as you know is a Subaru Forester. I don't know if this technically counts as a SUV or, indeed 4WD. Although it has 4WD capability, a function I have indeed successfully employed on the scary slopes of Mount Larrikin when Barney has had an unexpected GPS failure.

    I do know this though, it is good on the very-skimpy-in-places Pacific Highway in the rain, especially when huge lumber trucks or milk tankers roar by in the opposite direction. A less sturdy car might easily be flicked into unsuspecting shrubbery.

    The Pants rack may not be quite as impressive as it once was (owing to the inevitable verification of Newtonian physics over time), but 'under-endowed'? Call me biased, but I think not.

    I take your point though about the huge size of some of these things. The Pantibago looks like a Mini by comparison.



  6. I can just imagine Red. Just hope they don't pull in next to you in the caravan park.

    Fen, you really do wish for divine intervention for these pricks.

    Jah Teh, she gets nothing, coz their is nothing to give her. She did ask for that figure by sms. She replied, oh well, just grasping at straws.

    BFG, Bone Doctor, my sister's girlfriend has a 4wd. I know which buttons to press to get her on the defensive. 'I'm just going to the shop for some milk'. 'Will you be taking the 4wd Doctor?' To be fair, it has been to Cooktown and seen quite a few bush trips. I won't ever drive one as their is a serious danger I might actually like it, as you did. I expect you outran the boys in blue.

    SUV Pants. Quite a respectable machine and you have made use of its features appropriately. But do you engage 4WD to traverse the Larrikins End supermarket car park speed humps? Painfully, I am often in the suburbs of Malvern and Camberwell, where every second resident has a large black beast.

  7. One of my girls drives a 4WD, but responsibly. She's an excellent driver. The HiLux is used for work,carting construction gear around, as well as bringing the kids to town for school on days when they need to be there early so can't get the bus, also for carting equipment and kids out to various rowing regattas etc. They live in the Adelaide Hills and the kids have high schools in the city.

  8. A couple of wankers in 4WDs ignored my cousin's teen sons who were stopping traffic entering their mega flooded street and the bastards sent great bow waves of water up and under the front doors of the houses and garages.
    Hope the fairy godmother of arseholes deflates their tyres.
    Saying that, my cousins drive 4WDs but are sensible and do go off road with 'em ;)

  9. River, and that is what they should be used for.

    Jayne, all you need is a gun. They won't do it again.