Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Cooking Disasters

A new book about cooking disasters has been published. Even the review of the book was amusing.

This is not an accurate quote from the book. I just noted the essence of it and will make it into my own form.

A wife cooks a first meal for her new husband, meat and vegetables......including a serving of boiled avocado.

My last cooking adventure was about eight years ago when I made a casserole with prunes. It was so deliciously rich, one mouthful was enough. My previous disaster was Teriyaki Beef, also very rich and quite inedible. No one can reduce like I can.

R is an excellent cook. While he uses recipes as a general guide, he never follows them. He is instinctive about cooking.

He blames drugs, and he may well be right as it was the late eighties. He has had a couple of disasters, always when there were visitors.

One was when he should have followed the recipe and actually cooked the chicken in the oven as well as tying it into parcels and browning it. I can't remember this one. Possibly drugs really were involved.

The other occasion I remember vividly, reinforced by it being recorded on a video camera and I have since transferred it to a dvd, but without watching it. It was terrible.

It was our last meal in Prosper Parade, Glen Iris. The video was called The Last Supper. A non Australian born friend was always known to say, it could do with a bit more salt love, whenever he ate a meal R had cooked. The friend then poured half the salt cellar onto the meal.

We have never used salt in cooking and still don't, but as a concession to this friend, R made a lasagna with salt......lots of salt........ I could not eat it. No one, even the salt lover could eat it. At the time another friend had been taken ill with a kind of breakdown. Five stoned gay men and a missing friend who had taken a breakdown and an inedible meal.........well the video is cruel but also hysterically funny. I can remember waking up the next morning with a sore throat and a aching jaw from laughing so much.

Ok, 'fess up. What has been your cooking disaster?


  1. I've avoided cooking disasters through a lifetime of avoiding cooking.

    I have eaten restaurant, takeaway and even frozen food rather than cook my own wherever possible.

    However on one occasion I decided to make Chili Con Carne to last me 3 or 4 days. I purchased so many kilos of mince for the endeavour it scarcely fit in the pot and there was no room for me to add any other ingredients or even insert the spoon to stir the meat.

  2. I haven't had any huge disasters that come to mind. The two smallish incidents I can recall are dropping a piping hot apple pie on the floor & doing the same with a frypan full of bolognese! Woops!

  3. I'm disastrous at every turn, a kitchen is not a happy place with me at the helm. I won't go into specific details or we'll be here all day. Suffice to say I have the most polite Husbear on the face of the planet, who'll not only eat the crap I serve up, but is polite enough to say nothing about how atrocious it was afterwards

  4. Thanks Viktor - I shreiked at
    "no room to stir the meat" -

    The first time I had to cope with a lunch guest needing wheat-free food, I thought I could make a quiche base out of cornmeal.
    No internet then, to search for recipes.
    It can probably be done, but not that day.
    That's my only cooking horror though.
    Tonight I tried to watch Celebrity Masterchef but I couldn't stand it.

    Bon Appetit

  5. Mine is so embarrassing.

    It happened awhile back. Tim made some awesome pasta dish. Here I am...the lucky woman with the man that cooks.

    All I had to do was stick the pasta in the oven.

    I did that...and forgot to take off the plastic covering Tim had put on it. Maybe "forgot" is a bit of a lie. I get confused about what's allowed in the oven, and what's allowed in the microwave....

    But now I know. Now I remember.

  6. Lol Victor. One attempt and you failed, haha.

    Fenz, I hope you remembered the one second rule. No germs on it so long as it is picked up within one second.

    I would not dare criticise the cook Mutant, but then I get good food. If it was often bad, I would.

    Emstacks, Victor's is funny. I tried watch Master Chef too and I wasn't keen. DO NOT EXPERIMENT WHEN HAVING GUESTS.

    Dina, Doona man cooks too!!!! Tip: the oven gets hot. The microwave not really. Hope it was salvageable.

  7. Hey, If Tim ever realizes he's gay, I'll send him over. Maybe R will go the opposite route. We can make a trade. Good way for me to grab that citizenship!

  8. Stranger things happen Dina. :)

  9. When I was about 16, I decided to bake a cake to impress some boy. I mistook the tablespoon for a teaspoon when measuring the salt. He was decidedly not impressed by my questionable baking skills.

    Thank goodness I got better.

  10. Daisy, I think salt is pretty high on the disaster list. Salty cake, haha.


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