Thursday, September 24, 2009

Place Rope Here

It is sad when people die, but I worry about those who are left behind who are grieving and missing the person. The dead person is dead, so nothing is happening with them. What does trouble me is when people commit suicide.

My Tradie Brother's neighbour's son did recently. Middle Eastern oil worker, so plenty of money. Caring parents. Girlfriend who he was about to marry. Nice new house just completed, all ready for them to move into. Never been any sign of any mental illness. Thirty years old, so many years ahead of him before he became a disillusioned grumpy old man, yet he hung himself by the neck until he was dead.

His father who worshiped him is inconsolable.

His life has been analysed in minute detail and no one can work out why. Some people seem to have lives full of troubles and tortures, yet this guy did not.

I just don't understand.


  1. Sometimes, no matter how much we think we know someone, they have secrets. Sometimes, we will never know what is going on inside someone's body/mind.
    Some people put these things down to mental illness. The story of a full life ahead of the person, all looking great in any one else's eyes.. it just is not so deep inside that person.
    I agree with your point on the people left behind after suicide, it absolutely sucks.
    It is hard to understand..and so our life goes on.

  2. Cazzie's so right, you can never know what's going on inside of someone's elses head. That's what makes it hard. The not knowing.

    I lost a neighbour, someone I called my little brother, I'd known him since the day he was born. He hung himself when he was 17. To this day no one really knows why, despite all the analysis and speculation. I still feel a little bit guilty that I wasn't aware of what was going on, but realistically I know that unless someone reaches out to you or is obviously in trouble, you may have no idea.

    I'm sorry to hear this young man took his own life, it's a very difficult thing for those left behind and I wish them strength and love.

  3. I think some people actually have good reason to commit suicide. They're so lost and alone. People don't give them any thought or attention UNTIL they've done it. I think in some cases there really is NOT a way out...or at least not one that is likely to happen.

    But I do think other people do it for really stupid reasons...a total rash decision. They would have probably been fine if they wanted a few weeks or months.

    Sorry about your neighbor. It's really hard to know what was going on in his life. Sometimes things seem fine on the surface, but they're not. Yeah. They had money, but money doesn't always buy happiness.

  4. I can only agree with everyone else. The sad fact of depression and suicide is that it is often masked and so we who are left continually ask ourselves why we missed it. The only answer is that some people are really good at hiding things.

  5. Anonymous8:58 am

    We have to respect a person's decision to end their own lives. They have their reason's for doing it and the guts to carry it out. Leave them in peace.

    Yes it is sad for those left behind - but it's not about them is it.

  6. Well Cazzie. I am not a life ahead person. I know I am on a downhill slide. But I want to hang around in case something happens.

    Fenz, I am only guessing but I reckon many suicides by male teens are sexuality related.

    Dina, I wonder if they expect people to see through their veneer of everything been ok?

    Yes Loz, it often comes from left field, those who you would least suspect.

    Maybe Anon, but it is also an extremely selfish act.

  7. Newspapers tell us far more than we want to know about some topics, but have this Never Mention Suicides policy, so the wider public never knows just how much of it there is.
    Many single-vehicle accidents for instance.
    But, exactly what would any of us say to a potential suicide if they did 'reach out' - what could you possibly do to help their state of mind?
    never mind the father ... spare a thought for the bride-to-be who must be seriously upset.

  8. I hope you do hang around Andrew... I want to meet up with you some time :)

  9. Today's news about French telco suicides reminds me that in Melbourne June 2007 Telstra was blamed for suicide of employee under stress to meet sales targets.

    peace and love, brownie

  10. Quite rightly chastised re the bride to be Ann. The difference is the personal connection to the father who I have met a few times. I used to agree with the media policy of not reporting suicides, but I do not any more. The matter needs lots of publicity and talking. I am a great one for sticking my head in the sand, but this helps no one.

    Funny Caz. We lead such different lives but I feel a strong connection to you. Of course I would like to meet you.

    I read about the French matter a week or so ago Brownie. Quite puzzling and very un French I thought. While I am not always successful, I try not to take my work too seriously. I am not in a position to say, well sack me if you don't like it, but if I do my job conscientiously, then I am in the right.

  11. I agree that we need to talk about suicide more, it has such a stigma attached to it that keeping it hush hush does not do any good in my opinion. The difficult thing is, talking to someone who has depression is very hard, often what you say goes in one ear and out the other, their mindset simply does not allow much to sink in. It's an extremely hard thing to address and more needs to be done in this country.

    As a counsellor I hope I can do my bit for those in need, and having suffered crippling depression myself I hope my insight may aid my clients.

  12. Quite so Fenz. Logic never works. Pointing out their privileged position does not work. Not something I have had to deal with personally, so what you say is interesting.

  13. Sometimes it can be an impulse thing, in which a decision is made...but had the phone rang or whatever the decision may not have been made and life would go on. When I was about 17 i found myself at the top of a cliff (broken heart) can't recall his face much even would have been so easy till I though about my mum and how much i loved had been killed two years before. I don't think i would have done it...but I presented to others as very happy...
    Suicide must break parents hearts. Poor people

  14. And what a life you would have missed MC.