Out and about in St Kilda #7

This is an absolutely stunning building on Barkly Street, St Kilda. It is such a shame that it has changed from being the government owned bank, The Commonwealth Bank of Australia, the peoples bank, the bank for your most poor to get their home loan from, to being an office of an avaricious real estate agent.

Kneel at the front of Hocking Stuart. Property is your new god.

Who should I blame?

I live in an area well serviced by public transport, trams, buses and major railway stations in two directions with a twenty five minute walk, or a ten minute tram ride. That is the theory.

So why did it take me an hour to get from home to see Little Jo in Murrumbeena? A trip that takes between 15 and 20 minutes by car.

I left home at 3.15 and R said he would pick me up at the station as sister was out and not due home until 4.30. I told him I should be there by 4.

I missed the 3.19 tram at the corner of Park Street and Toorak Road, even though it was late. I did not expect to catch it but I did see it round the corner.

The next tram was due at 3.31 but it was a few minutes late too. It was absolutely jam packed. I forced my way on. Problems: late tram and overloaded. Twelve minute service at a time when schools empty their loads is very inadequate. I would say a six minute service would be appropriate......why not round it to five.

Three sets of traffic lights for the tram to get across Punt Road ensured I missed the 3.39 train at South Yarra Station. Clearways for Toorak Road from 3 pm State Gov and Stonnington council.

I did know the next train time in advance, 3.58 express to Malvern, then stopping all stations. R was already at the station waiting for me a this stage. Of course the train was late, 3 mins.

I walked to the end of the platform, hoping that I might get a seat at least in the last carriage. Ha, I was lucky to be able to squeeze on the train at all. While I was waiting for the train, I did some simple arithmetic, 58 less 39 equals 19 minutes between trains on the very busy Pakenham line. No Vline train or Sprinter in between. What is the nonsense about separation gap that we hear from Connex? Like you need a twenty minute gap so trains don't run into the back of the train in front?

Things could have been slightly better in the train if there were the usual three doors, or as in the old days, multiple doors. But no, just two doors per carriage for people to enter and exit from a packed train.

This was the worst part for me. There was nothing for me to hold onto in the train. I moved my feet in different posistions to brace myself, depending whether the train was rounding a curve or stopping. I observed some people with the hands on the ceiling of the train. In the far distance I could see some hanging straps. Why aren't they along the length of the train. I thought I was doing well, but after Caulfield, the train lurched over a crossing and I fell, as did many of those around me who did not have anything to hang onto. I did not fall far as there was no space to fall. Someone caught me and gave me shove upright and a very nice young Indian man held my hand for several seconds until he was sure I was ok. Do I sound like a really old person? I did not think that I was that feeble.

The train paused for long periods at stations, presumably waiting for people to force their way off and on the train.

The train arrived at Murrumbeena at 4.19, now seven minutes late and one hour after I left home.

R was on the platform waiting for me. My greeting was, 'I am never fucking well doing that ever again'. I stomped up the stairs across the train line as a text arrived from my sister. Sorry, will be late, stuck in traffic on the Monash Freeway. Sister always underestimates travel times, but I could hardly critisize her, as she had taken my mother to her bridesmaid's funeral.

Things improved once sister arrived home. R and I took Little Jo to the park and had a great time on the play equipment. When we returned, the Bone Doctor was home from work and we knocked off a bottle of fine red to celebrate my forthcoming birthday (cash only please).

We all decided to bash off to the local Thai restaurant, Luk's Thai or similar, and had a nice meal.

And then stepped into the luxury of our personal motor car and drove home.

I don't blame the debacle of our public and private transport system on Connex, Yarra Trams, Minister Kosky or the Brumby Government. I sheet it firmly home to the Kennett and Bracks and Federal Howard governments.

Something about our transport system in Melbourne is seriously wrong folks.

But for the future, I may catch a tram to Flinders Street from there and at least get a seat on the train with my biggest problem being getting from my seat to the door when I arrive..........or, and I will need to check times, but catch the 67 tram to its terminus and it is not so far to walk to sister's from there. It used to be about 50 minutes from the top of the city to Carnegie, but I expect it is now about 40 minutes from home to Carnegie, plus a good ten minute walk. Even if that tram is packed, I will have a seat by Glenhuntly Road, if not before. Sister's idea and it may well be the answer. But then a less than twenty minute trip in the car is tempting. R will drive home from sister's in his car and I will drive home from sister's in mine. Doesn't make much sense superficially, but after today, it makes a lot of sense.

Out and about in St Kilda #6

The Village Belle hotel in Barkly Street looks quite nice from the outside. Around the corner is a drive through bottle shop, or take away alcohol if you like.

I have only been in there once when a friend organised a tram party. The tram parked at the terminus and we trooped into the public bar and my friend in drag did a number on top of the bar. Needless to say, I did not take much notice of my surroundings. It takes a lot to surprise a St Kilda local, but they were amused.

The Razer Woman, take two

I think I wrote about her once or twice before. You can do the searching. I am sure I even included a picture, so it can't be hard to find.

The Razer woman has just been given the sack. I quite like Helen. She is incredibly clever and eloquent.

She presented the Sunday morning show on our ABC radio's local service, a show supposedly about arts. The media says that she has done it for three years. I find this hard to believe, but perhaps it is correct. That means that I have been listening to her for three years. Quell horrendous, or whatever.

I can't recall what was on our ABC local Melbourne Radio on a Sunday morning before the urbane old arts queen Clive Stark. The goss I could tell you on him...........

Then there was a couple of people presenting, a guy and a gal, but I can't really remember them.

Then there was Peter Clarke, surely the best of Sunday morning radio arts.

Along came the Razer woman. There was something about her that I liked, but her screechy voice, all about me, stuttering habits, extremely long words niggled at me all the time.

She has talents for sure, but ABC Local Radio Sunday Morning Arts was not the right place for her, if only for the fact that I learnt precious little about the arts while she was presenting.

The last straw seemed to be her interview with English playwrite Steven Berkoff. I heard it live and it was appalling. That an interviewer cannot deal with a grumpy old character like him, sealed her fate. I heard him interviewed by other ABC presenters and he was a bit prickly but fine, as they asked sensible questions.

Of course always in the back of my mind is why she was program manager for our local gay radio station for one week and then left or was sacked. Members of Joy Radio back then were not allowed to know what that was all about.

Sorry Helen, but it was not your niche, and I am surprised you lasted as long as you did. Best luck for you next role. Can we now go back to a proper ABC Sunday morning Arts presenter?

They just don't let up

CATHOLIC-RUN hospitals have been accused of refusing to refer sexual assault victims to rape crisis centres that prescribe the morning-after pill.

If true:

'Nope honey (virgin/old woman/kid/single girl/married mum, as her arm is comfortingly stroked), we can't give you anything to get rid of that bit of organic matter that the disgusting and violent creature forced into your body'.

I don't swear often, but this is a special occasion.

How the fuck did St Vincent's and Cabrini Hospitals get into such a position of power that they would be a port of call for any rape victim (yes, a generalisation.....I am fond of them).

Seduction of a str8 man XXX Post

Seducing straight men is not my thing. I like a guy who likes c**k and makes a big bone no bones about it.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Actor David Duchovny, who plays a womanizing novelist on the cable television series "Californication," has completed a rehabilitation program for sex addiction, his attorney said on Monday.

The actor's admission to a rehab facility for treatment of sex addiction was publicly revealed by his attorney, Stanton "Larry" Stein, in late August.

I think at one time I was bordering on being a sex addict. Eventually I realised how hollow, stupid and ultimately unsatisfying it all was and managed to exercise some control, before irreparable damage was done.

I have no doubt Duchovny is as straight as any straight bloke is, but if seducing straight guys was your thing, then to target someone like him might give you a higher kill score.

But then again, I expect he has no problem picking up and he is probably used to pursuing rather than being pursued, so it might not work.

Of course the problem with straight guys and gay guys getting together for a bit of serious fun, that is more than just oral, is expectations.

The gay guy expects to be taken by the ultra masculine 'straight' guy, or, so to speak, rip into the straight guy and carve a notch wherever he carves notches with little thought for the straight guy, his feelings, expectations or satisfaction.

The straight guy's heels will immediately point in the direction of heaven and think that this all he needs to do to have a good time. But it could work if the gay guy is both skilled and willing to put some effort into it.

Gay guys can have very quick but also very satisfactory sex together, if they are experienced, know what they want and know what to do to please.

Apart from perhaps oral, this just is not going to work for a straight guy. If they just want oral, they would be better off buying the latest craze, a Fleshlight.

My advice to straight guys who are curious, give it a miss and keep it as a fantasy.

Keep reading my blog and I will continue to come with such logical, carefully thought out, well constructed and non generalising posts.

Out and About in St Kilda #5

Luna Park, just for fun.

I first went there when I was about 18 and took my brothers and sister. The next time was when it was opened up in the evening after a gay Pride March. That was quite fun and I had never seen a woman stand and pee at a urinal before. They are a bit messier than blokes though. I am sure you girls will agree that there are never sufficient toilets for women but I am not sure that 'if you can't beat them, join them', is the answer.

The next time was when we took my niece as a birthday treat when she was about ten. She is sixteen now, so it has been a while. Maybe the next time will be when we take Little Jo. I might have a go on the dodgems, which I adore, but no harsh rides for me.

Cold Water at the Highrise

One of our boilers has failed. It will be fixed tomorrow. In the meantime the other normally provides hot enough water, just gets a bit cool at peak usage time.

But something has gone seriously wrong as there is no hot water tonight. I would guess that with these squally south westerly winds we are having, the other boiler has blown out.

With a phone call or maybe two, I could have it working for tomorrow morning, but given our owners corporation manager has said that we will adequate hot water for tonight, I will let her stew in her juice and receive the blame.

Better set my alarm for ten minutes earlier for tomorrow, as I will have to boil a large kettle to wash instead of having shower. Lucky our basins are low and we can give our bits a good scrub without sloshing water everywhere.

Storm V Manly

I know nothing about rugby, even though I played it at school. I just kept away from the ball, as I did in all team sports. But in spite of my lack of knowledge, Manly beating Melbourne Storm by 40 points to zero sounds like Melbourne did not do so well.

I think we Victorians can be thankful of that and less will be seen on tv and during the news.

If I am tired and cranky, when I sit in front of the tv, I am inclined to verbally criticise every thing I see on tv. Program plots, continuity, newsreaders hair, pronunciation, supposed facts. I do this until R rightly tells me to shut up.

But there is one occasion where he joins in with me. When rugby comes on the television news, in unison we yell, 'We just don't care'. I don't care about Australian Rules football either, but I tolerate it for all you fans out there and it is a Victorian game with a long Australian history.

So Sydney, take your ball and your boof heads with no necks and stay out of our state. NRL players make our AFL players seem quite intelligent. K?