Saturday, November 10, 2007

Wearing me down

How many times have I had this conversation. This one was with a workmate. Many of them have been. He is not an English as a first language person.

Him: Blah, blah, blah about superannuation.
Him: Do you have children?
Me: No
Him: You are married with a wife though
Me: No, I am gay
Him: You are not married?
Me: No
Him: Why not?
Me: I like men better
Him: But what about when you are old? No children and no wife.
Me: I am old already. I have a friend.
Him: Have you been to Asia?
Me: Yes, four times.
Him: The girls, what shapes, beautiful. They would love you.
Me: Yes, one of your countrymen here tried to sell me one for marriage. Then he tried to sell a wife to me and pay me $10,000
Him: It happens. Are you happy?
Me: Deliriously (went over his head)
Me: Got to go and do some work
Him: Ok, see you.

That is a bit abbreviated. I tried so hard to point out that I was a homosexual. Men for sex is good. Nice guy though but I think it is a cultural thing and all the south east Asian men in Australia remember their country as it was and not as it is now. There were no gays, only lady boys and guys who played around with other guys.

I am surprised how many people don't put two and two together and work out that I am gay. Must be because I am so butch, but then I have know many butcher gays than me.


  1. I get this same conversation all the time at work. The fact that I am STILL single seems to cause some sort of an issue. Difference being is that some people draw the conclusion that I'm gay because of that fact. They don't even ask - they just join those dots and presto! Mind you, I did live with andy for 2 years and that still seems to be the main source of it

    The fact that I might be a fussy straight never really occurred to them. From the looks of some of them, they would fit neatly into the "non-fussy" category. If not them, their wives would fill the spot.

    I guess what throws them off is also the fact that I don't have a new car and I don't want to save up for a mansion so far from the city I need camels and a passport to get home. It's all part of the "Why don't you do X?" package that consists of useless advice dispensed without consideration from people who find it odd that I don't always run with the pack. Phew!

  2. Ah, the wonderful world of assumptions!

    Apparently I'm of an age where I should tootling down Royal Parade wearing a hat (a white one embroidered with the ensignia of a suburban bowling club), hogging the middle of the road and doing 68 point turns parallel parking outside the "Henry Bolte memorial Home for the Old, Confused and Redundant".

    "Your ID please sir."

    "You don't have a driver's licence?! Are you sure you exist?!"

    I don't drive and therefore am caught short when it comes to producing modern civilisation's default ID documentation. The assumption (indicated by the nudge, nudge, wink, wink sideways looks at others in the queue) is that I must have been struck off for life for blowing .75 after losing control of my hotted up P76 and wiping out the entire innocent bystanding Ettamogah croquet team at a bus stop.

    "Must be because I am so butch, but then I have know many butcher gays than me."

    Maybe you should play less the Cassidy and more the Sundance Kid to avoid the confusion.

  3. It's relatively easy for me to spot someone gay, I don't know why. God-given gift? :) That said, I've quite a few close gay friends whom I dunno what I'd do without. However, though I suspect that someone is gay, I don't assume as it can be rather awkward... so I wait for the person to tell me if he/she is or not. I never know the proper way to ask without the fear of shooting myself in the foot ;)

  4. princess banter, unless a guy seems effeminate I'm hopeless at telling they're gay. Just last week I commented to a friend that I thought a local politician was 'a bit of alright' and she laughed and informed me that he was one of the few pollie's to be openly gay! Bugger!

    A story for you....(sorry Andrew, I'm full of it....ahem them)

    I worked for an Italian guy for 5 years. He was a great boss and he was the biggest homophobe ever! I once tried to get a gay friend of mine a job there, aand received an hour lecture over it later!

    Picture this - Melbourne Cup Day, 2 years ago, there were 10 of us sitting in the boardroom enjoying lunch. Said Italian boss announced that while he'd been in Italy for a holiday from which he'd just returned, his 18 year old daughter had become pregnant. He made that announcement to everyone, and later he said this to me.

    "I would rather find out my 18yo daughter was pregnant outside of wedlock than find out my 16yo son was gay"

    I can't say I was shocked. I would expect a comment like that from him. A shame though really for a very intelligent and successful man of only 46 at the time.

    I don't work with him any more but I did find out that he bought his daughter a house so that she could live with the father of her child. Within 6 months she was back with her parents after being repeatedly beaten by her partner who was a drug addict.

    How sad is that, given the statement he said to me on Melbourne cup day? Some people just live in a really small sad world I say :) T'is a shame.

  5. Can't knock a square peg into a round hole Rob. While there are plenty of people around your age in conventional marriages with the two point whatever kids, there are very many who are not.

    Nice work M'lord. Btw, do you play bowls?

    I can't say the same Princess. There are gays I can easily pick, some I think maybe and then ones I would never guess. Oh, and then there are the 'straight' guys who like to play.

    Who Me. Respond a bit later.

  6. Interesting tale Who Me. The older I get the more I am sure, and I have had some experience, that aggressively homophobic guys are ripe for the picking, so to speak. They live in fear that their sons will be like them.

  7. "Btw, do you play bowls?"

    Believe it or not I did.

    Back several centuries ago, at age 19 when I was at University College (located as it happens on Royal Parade ... the #12 tram route ?) I shared in the winning of the Trinity College A.G.L. Shaw (again as it happened a historian whose work we had to study in Matric) Doubles Bowls Championship. I still have the pewter tankard ... and the perpetual trophy. (Did't realise we were only meant to have it for the year and then return it.)

  8. Root 19, same as your age was. Lol at the last line.

  9. FWIW, I don't think I've laid a hand on a bowl since then. Quit while you're a head of hair.

    However these days I do play the odd (very odd) game of bocce with the g'daughter in the backyard ... and at age 5 she whups my arse.

    You gotta watch them young'ns, so take this word from the wise Shirl, don't take on Little Jo in a game of high stakes pontoon unless you've got lon pockets.

  10. If Little Jo is anything like her mother, she will excel at sports. But I am not inexperienced at bocce. I take care when placing my balls.

  11. God I love you Andrew, mwah!!!! I had to laugh because this type of story is so amazingly familiar with friends of mine and their work colleagues too. Just nuts eh!

  12. I bet there are plenty who don't fit the mould in your line of work Cazzie.

  13. "I take care when placing my balls"

    mahahaha :)

    Interesting concept regarding my old boss? You would know better than me. It's really got me thinking though.

  14. "I take care when placing my balls"

    "Who me", whilst I was a dab hand at lawn bowls in my misspent dry sherry soaked youth, obviously our Shirl was/is a world class pocket billiards player. :0)

  15. A guy at work just went to India and he was telling me of his friend who underwent a similar line of questioning as an unmarried child less woman. They just have no idea of how things work in the west (as much as we know how their countries work)

  16. It certainly is a possibility Who Me.

    I don't play pocket billiards, but I do believe in prevention against prostate cancer.

    I think we have a better idea than they do Ben, well in some areas.

  17. This story is a wonderful and fitting balance to your posting.

  18. Making assumptions about sexuality? The arm doesn't look very gay to me.

  19. I'd be in a bit of strife if my arm had a different preference to the rest of me. Who would win the fight? Mind you, considering what's attached to my arm, and what it does from time to time, who knows?

  20. The mind boggles Rob. A gay arm and a straight arm.