Thursday, September 27, 2007

Not unexpected

It seems the only person in my family to express negative views about my sister, the bone doctor and the baby is my brother.

Although he is ten years my junior, his social views are terribly old fashioned.

He called the night before last after I had gone to bed. He left a message saying that he would like some advice. Oh dear. I can barely look after myself, let alone offer advice. I sms him to call earlier the following night and he did.

I am not sure what advice he wanted really. He had been talking to our mother and expressed an opinion about my sister and her baby and the whole situation. It is f***ing bulls***, he gently suggested.

Firstly he asked if he needed to apologise to our mother for swearing. He said that it was the first time he had ever said the eff word in front of her, let alone to her. Yes, you need to at least say, sorry, and that you were a bit out of line the other night and you were a bit upset.

But I figured there was something more behind this. Ostensibly his problem is with my sister receiving government support while the baby is raised but really I think he just does not approve of the whole matter. I talked sensibly to him, mentioned the many ways people like myself and R, my sister and the bone doctor are financially disadvantaged, that to bring a child into the world to brought up advantaged and loved is a wonderful thing, etc etc.

But when I went to bed, I was inwardly fuming at his moral judgement. I sent him this sms.

Would you feel differently if sister had a casual f*** and became pregnant? There but by the grace of god go me and probably you too. She told R that she was happy to support herself if she could have what every different sex couple can have. The government will not recognise her relationship so she can only be considered a single mother. Her financial details were stated. I shall remind myself of this when my alarm goes off at five in the morning and I go to work and pay my tax, but I shall also remember it when I vote. I suggest you should too.

My brother is so ocker, it gets under his skin when I use words like 'shall'. Am I being too harsh on him? Defending the indefensible? She is my sister, I cannot do otherwise. He better learn to live with the situation and not bother family with his own judgemental opinions when they can hurt and upset people. Leave that for his oldest brother to do.


  1. Im 100% with ya on this Andrew. Ur lil bro seems to be a very immature person (sorry to say that tho). I cant believe how he JUDGES others just like that!

    U werent being harsh at all..u were only putting some sense into him!


  2. Has he SEEN the baby? How could anyone put up an argument against her?

    I don't think you're being harsh. Whatever his opinion, he should keep it to himself.

  3. It's pretty tough - I mean, you expect your family to be the people who support you most, but unfortunately because of the family bond they are usually the people who judge you most harshly and openly.

    Also, if they have grown up with you they will have pre-conceived notions of you and it can really change their lives and challenge them when you turn out to be different to their expectations.

    A lot of people just don't seem to understand how legislation works against anyone who doesn't fit into the 'accepted' family mold. Good on you for trying to educate your brother. I'm sure he's a good guy at heart and he'll come around.

  4. And he is very far from perfect to judge others Keshi.

    He has seen the baby Daisy Jo. He drove for two hours there and two hours back on his own just to visit sister and see the baby. You are right though, opinions to self. And not trouble mother with it especially.

    He is a good hearted guy Non Blondie. Life is hard for him. He does not adjust well. Re your second para, I have never thought of that and it is a nice food for thought.

  5. I copped the same rubbish about joining the VGLRL because I wasn't gay. The extended family wanted to know why I'd want to help 'those people' and didn't want to hear about the inequalities mothers with kids have to face.

  6. Well excuse me, but didn't/doesn't your sister always pay her taxes and so does the bone doctor. So whatever your sister is 'getting' off the government is only a portion of what is already given or being given and what will be given in the future!! She's entitled to it, and let her and little Joanna enjoy it!

    As for your brother,,,,hmmm, he has issues if he has to ask you if it was OK to swear in front of your mother. He's not a closet gay is he ;)

    Quite frankly, given the fact I know you're a baby boomer (hence having an inkling to your Mum's age), I'm taking my hat off to your Mum for accepting her family the way they are and loving them just the same.

    Your brother should be doing the same and supporting his family in what is a changing society!

  7. If you keep an opinion to yourself everyone knows what it is anyway.

    If I were a homo I'd hate being called a gay.

    (Apologies for the rhyme)


    Is every hetero a 'closet gay'?

    Is every gay a closet hetero?

    Golly, I might seek a grant to study this!

    (More pain for the taxpayer. ha ha ha)


  8. Pardon my rush, I'm switching closets.

  9. Gosh, family feuds are a tricky thing. However, I 100% support your return sms. I thought it was very well thought out.

    Also the addition of the extra words to annoy your brother? They were sheer gold.

  10. (Apologies in advance for my smart-assedness, but I just CAN'T help myself!!)

    I'm wondering if r.h. is switching the hetero for the gay closet, or vise versa? Or is a closet really a closet?


  11. Straight people like you Jahteh are invaluable when fighting for rights.

    Certainly not gay Who Me. He did not ask me. More how or should he apologise. My mother is quite long as it does not interrupt her life too much.

    Good luck with your submission for funding Robert. It will require thorough practical research.

    No response from him Rosannna. He will think about it though.

    Give him heaps Daisy Jo. Give him something else to do apart from pruning his roses and listening to trucks.

  12. Your brother should meet my brother. They'd get along like a hearse on fire.

    What's that hoary old saying?

    "You can pick your nose, but you can't pick your relatives."

  13. Quite so Jan. But I quite like my brother. He struggles with modernity. And DONT call me Shirley.

  14. Daisy dear (if I may) you are always welcome to a peep in my closet.

    (And don't be shy!)

    -Boy Robert.

  15. Your brother either needs to grow up or learn some social skills. Is this the same brother that suffered a brain injury?

  16. No, the other brother. From my cast list: Youngest brother, a successful tradie who drinks too much and is very socially conservative. He has been kicked out of the matrimonial home to live in a bungalow.

    He is very sociable and perfectly nice when sober. To use the phrase my grandmother used to say, 'it's the drink'.

  17. Like any of us, is your brother still not responsible for his actions whether he has had a drink or not? Alcohol doesn't reach the mouth of a person without them first making that choice to drink.

    I same this because as I am in 'recovery' I accept full responsibility for my actions past and present. I was nice and still am but I just wasn't as "nice" when I drank and took drugs.

  18. Of course he is responsible for his drinking. I have suggested that he needs to drink less, our mother has been somewhat firmer and his wife booted him out of home. He knows full well the impact of alcohol on his life. Such is the power of the demon drink.