Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tissues v toilet paper

Firstly I pretended I did not hear and then I glared when R referred to toilet paper as bog roll. He's English. Bog is such an ugly harsh word.

I am quite happy with the words lav paper or even the really Australian dunny roll or pehaps the toilet squares which were always the pink pages, that is the gay section, of the sixties era telephone book or The Sun News Pictorial. (Sometimes I wish I could turn back the clock and there would be Andrew Bolt's picture hanging on the hook and ready to use)

But I have a dilemma. To the right of my lavatorial appliance sits the toilet paper and to the left sits a box of tissues. Which is cheaper to dry my dick off after using the lavatorial appliance?

Before you get your calculator out, I must add that I use very cheap tissues, but very expensive toilet paper.

The quandries of life.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Nothing mysterious about the deletion above - just lots of Declanish spellig. Now back to taws.

    On the other hand whenever I hear the word "bog", my instinctive word-association kicks in with the word "irish".

    It's a real quandary that toilet paper vs tissue issue, but a word from the wise - use one or the other but never the The Sun News Pictorial. The ink was never fast and it ran (much like the horses I back).

    Explaining in polite (or even more so - in impolite) company why you have Lou "the Lip" Richards' face on your appendage would be tedious, if not embarrassing.

  3. Whenever I hear the word bog I always picture a National Geographic with cool photos of the latest bog man they've pulled out from some obscure part of somewhere.

  4. Size is relative, you didn't give us enough information. Appendage, tissue area, paper thickness, you can't do the math without the measurements.

  5. Oh, think of the horrible faces that may have transferred. You saved me M'lord.

    You mental picture is preferrable to mine Rob.

    Embarrassingly large Jahteh, what can I say.

  6. "I always picture a National Geographic with cool photos of the latest bog man they've pulled out from some obscure part of somewhere."

    Yeah well, I do remember (I think) way back when National Geographic was the politically correct version of "Man Junior" what was furtively thumbed through at the local barbershop when young lads (not me I hasten to add - yeah right!) often pulled out something from some obscure part of somewhere.

  7. Ah yes, the black, bare breasted women. If I got lucky I might have seen a Papua New Guinean penis gourd, with penis showing.