Sunday, January 20, 2019

Failing Mother

Mother cancelled R's take her out Thursday. She was too unwell  and the weather was to be hot. She asked if we could come Sunday. I agreed and said yes, yet I am so behind on things. It will be my one day off after five days of work, and another four to work before my next day off. My next day off falls on a Thursday, but it will be hot and there is no way a Mother Day will happen. I need some time at home.

I am going to have to ask ABI Brother to take a walk with me, perhaps into his back yard and ask if Mother living at at his place is a problem for him? We already know it is but not sure to what extent.

Depending on his reply but regardless really, at some point in the near future we will have to have sibling solidarity and force Mother into a care place.

It is a conversation you really don't want to have with your mother, but as oldest son, I must.

26 comments:

  1. Good luck. Not easy at all. I am the youngest in our family (but the only female) and those conversations were always left to me.

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  2. Good Luck Andrew. I feel my Mother should be in care but she will not go! I am the only one so its hard.
    When I bring it up with her ..... we just have a fight .
    Honestly, the Goverment should have more help for the elderly and their families .

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  3. Damn Brother Man. I Wish You All The Best During This Transitional Journey. Stay Strong

    Big Hugs

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  4. It's not a conversation I really want to have with you. You only have one mother. I lost mine back in 1974...and I still miss her. I wish she was still here so we could talk.

    No one is perfect, not even our mothers...but they are worth more than days off. You will still have them when your mother passes.

    Your mother might be difficult at times...I imagine she doesn't want to be the age she now is...old age can be difficult.

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  5. Hope all works out well for your mother,I agree it would be a difficult but necessary conversation to have.

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  6. Good luck with both Andrew
    'The Conversation' will be difficult for all of you regardless of the outcome
    Good luck with finding a placement that is suitable for all of you - mostly suitable for your mother and her needs. You will definitely have lots of conversations over that !

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  7. Being responsible for an elderly relative is difficult and emotionally draining. Wishing you all the best.

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  8. Whoever has power of attorney needs to check out the care homes available, the financial arrangements and the medical advice from mum's GP. And do it quickly.

    When my late father was ready and keen to move into a care
    home, my late mother was not. It was a terrible time for her, but within a fortnight of moving in, she was participating in all the activities and socialising with all the other residents.

    Good luck to you and your sibs.

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  9. Just as well you've got all that leave coming up, Andrew.

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  10. I haven't enough brain power to answer this, Mum's been gone a month and I'm still working out the papers. Centrelink tomorrow, hand in the form without the Medicare and Pension cards because Mercy Health didn't send them to me. I hope they take the ratty photo copies I'm been carrying around for 10 years.
    With the amount of money involved in Homes these days, I would have a solicitor go over the contract
    with a fine tooth comb.

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  11. Sibling solidarity plus words from R may help, and I think tempting her with care, no work and airconditioning might go a long way too. Also there will be people in her age group to socialise with.

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    1. some are really good, some want to take all the money the resident might have [sell your house & give it to us] Ask round everyone you know & visit their parent to check out if there's a movies lounge & library etc. Then organise a respite week. Tell her it's a holiday test run. People looking after their demented parents give themselves some respite from it this way. Good luck.

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    2. Great idea to have a test run holiday, she might like it and want to stay.

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    3. My mother would believe that respite would be some kind of holiday? No, she would not. She would not be interested in libraries or movies. She is inward looking, concerned solely about herself, her pain, her life. I would like to think that a low level care place might get her more interested in the world beyond her own tiny one.

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  12. I've had talk with both my sons about us (parents) aging and there might be a point and I hope not. That they might have to stay united as my spouse or I can't take care or our self.
    In all honest I hope I don't become a combative elderly person.

    As a personal care giver I seen the both postive and negative side of job.
    But even a small part time one a few hours a week can make a difference in everyone life.
    Not sure how it works in your country.

    Coffee is on

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  13. My late father became a double amputee during his last few years, and I found it very difficult looking after him by myself. I found a very nice care home for him, but he used to take taxis home again. Eventually I gave up and he stayed at home until he finally became hospitalised and died. It's hard work.

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  14. So sorry about your Mom failing health. The extreme heat doesn't help either.
    Not easy to have to be the one to initiate those difficult conversations about Nursing home care, and I suppose most elderly will be against it. Good luck Andrew and have a nice weekend.

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  15. There is a moment where one has to go into a retirement home. I would never ask my son to live with him ! There are such nice places here, I prefer to be on my own !

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  16. Good luck - 18 months after moving elderly parents, it is hard but essential. some learnings here https://nancyandbill.wordpress.com/

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    1. Thanks Gary. I will have a good read.

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  17. Oh Andrew this is such a difficult time for you all, especially mum. I suspect she already knows that it's inevitable. You are a close family, you will do the right thing for mum because even though she drives you mad at times, it's very clear that you all love her dearly xox

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  18. Oh shoot, Andrew, that will be touch, on you, on her.

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  19. Perhaps an assisted living facility rather that a nursing home, then when the need for more round the clock care the transition to nursing home is easier, the facilities are often within the same buildings.

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  20. Thank you all. Yes, a low care retirement place is what we have in mind, with the ability to upgrade to higher care.

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