Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Marriage Poll

It is not something I thought about until recently, but what an odd thing it is for women to change their surnames when they get married. It just seems so possessive. I own you, you take my name. That's my opinion anyway.

While Oldest Niece is engaged to her partner of ten years, I doubt she will change her name when and if they marry. Their children have his surname.  Nephew's wife didn't change hers when they married. Ex Sis in Law did when she remarried, perhaps because she wanted to be rid of her former married name, my surname. Little Jo got both surnames of her mothers as a surname. It was supposed to be hyphen free, but I see a hyphen has been appearing of late.

Speaking of surnames, Hels' post on surnames was quite interesting. Extra interesting to see my surname in the post.

But here you go. You female readers, older or younger, would you now change your name and of course you are of the age when you first married? That's confusing. In 2018 society you are the age when you married.

The poll is anonymous but you can confess and rant in comments. Perhaps you still have the name of your former husband who you are not great friends with or even detest?

I am not sure if this poll will work, so if the post disappears, don't worry. I will try again.



38 comments:

  1. The poll took its sweet time, but did finally load.
    Not an easy question. My surname came from my father. My mother's contribution was ignored.

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    1. EC, blame the NBN, or the lack of it. A mother ignored is often the case in English speaking countries.

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  2. I think there are cases of men assuming their wife’s family name and dropping their own but probably not many. I think the ‘Spanish’ style of every person taking a paternal and a maternal family name as their double barrelled family name is interesting.

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    1. Victor, I remember reading about that some time ago and I concluded that people would end with an awful lot of names.

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  3. I notice that in sequence your last two posts have been headed ‘What it is Iike to live with me’ followed by ‘Marriage poll’. Do I sense wedding tidings are just around the corner?

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  4. It doesn't worry me one way or the other what others choose to do.

    However, personally, I feel even nowadays...if I was the age now I was when I married...twice...the first time aged 21 years and the second time at 31 years...I would do what I did then...that is adopt the surname of my husband.

    Why, all of a sudden every tradition has to be changed and turned upside down, I have no clue.

    I happily took the surname of my second husband; and I very happily retain it. We separated in 1986 and divorced in 1988. It has been my surname since 1976. I have had no desire to change it.

    My ex and I are still good friends, and we chat every other day. I like my surname...it goes well with my first name.

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    1. Lee, my point about changing names of sporting venues. My Tradie Brother and Ex Sis in Law get along well enough but I think it is a less than common situation.

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  5. This poll is only for women who have been married, right?

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    1. Marcellous, my clear thinking is not working today and I can't imagine how it would work for men. It was intended for women but if you see it applying in another way, why not vote.

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  6. The Portuguese tradition is you have your Mother's last name, your Dad's last name and then when you get married you can choose to add your husband's last name. I got married at 20 and added my husband's surname. My kids have my last maiden surname (my dad's) and then my husband's last surname (his dad's) because we didn't want to add more, but I have 4 surnames which makes life difficult!
    I find it strange to see Mothers and children with different surnames, so maybe I'm just old-fashioned.

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    1. Sami, is that the same as the Spanish way? With its Spanish history, I believe they do it the same way in the Philippines.

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    2. Yes similar Andrew, but the Spanish have the Mother's surname as the last one, and the Portuguese have the Father's.

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  7. I loved mum's and dad's birth surnames, but not my dad's adopted surname. And in 1970 there was no way we feminists were going to take our new husbands' surnames. So it was a real dilemma.

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    1. Hels, did your father anglicise his name? Yes, the pressure for educated women would be on then.

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  8. In France a woman 'officially' keeps the name on her birth certificate. She can call herself Madame X, but it's only a 'pleasantry'.

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    1. Cro, do most choose to be referred to as Madame X?

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    2. And with all the philandering going on in France (according to romance novels) do some become Madame XYZ? (*~*)

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  9. Tradition in changing to last name once called surname of husband when getting married when I did..
    I would have kept my maiden name with hyphen of husbands last name if I were getting married now.

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    1. Margaret, that is interesting and very modern. And he could take yours to add to his.

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  10. Once the girls get married their name will be changed by adding their husband name at the back. This is the tradition in our place.But after my marriage i have not undergone any such issues. I have not changed my name as well:)

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    1. WW, that sounds simple. So where is your place? I am unable to see on your blog.

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  11. I didn't take the poll, but yes I would change my name, because my maiden name is Polish in origin, 10 letters long: 9 consonants and one vowel right at the end. When I divorced I didn't go back to it, but didn't want to keep the ex-husband's name either, so I randomly chose one from the phone book and legally changed it. Second marriage, I didn't change it just kept the name I'd chosen.

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    1. Polish River? I thought your origins were German. You are amazing in what you have done with your name.

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    2. Dad's ancestors must have been Polish, I'll never know for sure. He and his parents were born in Germany, as was I, but beyond that is a mystery.

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    3. According to Gosia in Poland, the border shifted around and names changed rather a lot in Poland. At times it was German. European history does my head in.

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  12. I guess this is a poll aimed mainly at women, but I had a friend who took his wifes last name after they were married.

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    1. Mark, thanks. I though that might happen at times.

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  13. I sort of like the double barrelled thing

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  14. I changed my name for my first marriage, young and foolish. Once divorced in 1977, I went back to my maiden name and vowed never to change it again, too much hassle.
    Living in Quebec at the time, Quebec provincial law in 1981 forbids a woman from taking a husband's surname.
    John and I married in 1987, after 9 years together, so I never even considered changing my name.
    My GF has 3 daughters married - one took her husband's name, one hyphenated her maiden name with husband's, and one kept her maiden name.
    I agree, why would you want someone else's name? Plus it is should a pain to change it when you divorce.

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    1. Jackie, that is really interesting about Quebec law, connected I suppose to what Cro said above about France. It seems many just do what they feel comfortable with now, not a bad thing.

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  15. Not sure Andrew, I might go down the double-barrel route, who knows. If for some awful reason there was a next time I wouldn't bother with the marriage thing at all.

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    1. Grace, if you were young now, would you take your husband's name or a double barrelled because you will have children?

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  16. Probably Andrew. My younger sister kept her own surname when she married but they don't and will not now have children.

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  17. I wouldn't change mine. Not with marriage, but I've thought about changing it before, for the heck of it.

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    1. Strayer, very theoretical for you as I just can't imagine you marrying anyone.

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