Thursday, August 10, 2017

Random ramblings

This is in danger of disappearing into the black hole known as unfinished posts, so as there is nothing else prepared for today.....

In Barcelona, R yelled at me for something. It was so unimportant, I cannot remember what it was. Ah, yes, something I wrote on Facebook. R's Sister pulled him into line and while R and myself rarely kiss nowadays, he gave me a goodnight kiss, as good as an apology. I get nervous about things. R gets stressed and his stress explodes in a most unreasonable manner.

Just before Little Jo arrived, R was once again stressed, and he yelled at me over a trivial matter. I put up with it and went and collected Sister and Little Jo from the train after he refused to come.  He was fine once Little Jo arrived.

My back problem had not gone away. R was right to criticise me for not doing anything about it, but it kind of felt like it was getting better, then became bad again. After a couple of large glasses of Scotch, I complained to him. All I wanted was a little tea and sympathy, not a tirade about what I haven't done. I am scared and frightened about what has never happened to me before. I can barely walk for two minutes but I so like walking. On whose blog or comment did I say sometime people just need a bit of help by a kind word or two? But if you don't speak up, how is the other person supposed to know? Wow, another kiss before bedtime.

Don't worry. I am not a powerless abused partner. I can stand up for myself if I have to but mostly that makes it worse. There is much to be said about letting sleeping dogs lie and not disturbing them while they have bad dreams.

I greeted our Indian Fijian friend after a more than a month of his long holiday in Fiji, with the greeting, 'well, you've put on a tan'. He is quite dark skinned and looked very black tonight. I was almost eating my words as I said them, but no regrets. He has been invited to work at the medical practice where I attend. One would assume he will be able to see my medical records. Oh dear.

Thinking that through, there is no reason why medical reception staff would have access to patient medical records, although no doubt they could if they really wanted to.

22 comments:

  1. life is too stressful so trivia matters are not important

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    1. Gosia, I wish everyone else knew that.

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  2. Anonymous8:44 am

    In your candid talk with him, did you mention you were concerned about his ranting after you retire and how difficult that might be if he does it perhaps more frequently than now? Has he always had a short fuse? Or is it something that has developed over the past few years. Ranting can result in high blood pressure, not ideal on older people. Maybe underneath it all, he is scared that as you get older, you might not be able to take care of each other as you used to.
    Its not easy getting older, especially as health problems could mount and the memory isn't what it used to be. I find myself getting more irritable with a changing world, people who can't use common sense or a body that is slowing down even if the mind is still sharp. - Ian

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    1. Ian, I agree with what you say about becoming older, though in spite of minor medical problems, I am more relaxed about things. R has always been the same but since he stopped work, the incidents have reduced and it usually something about my family that sets him off and bringing up things from the distant past. The best thing is to say nothing and let him be and he gets over it. I've noticed, as in Barcelona when we met up with his sister and brother in law the evening before and had a very late night, that he does not tolerate a hangover well.

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  3. When my partner is stressed he shuts down and withdraws. I suspect I would prefer a yelling outbreak. He is what he is and I prefer his faults(?) to other people's virtues.
    I had been hoping your back was getting better. Take care.

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    1. EC, that is probably what I do, shut down, although it does affect my ability to concentrate, but not as much as yelling. The back is improving, very slowly, having had two treatments of physio and doing exercises.

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  4. Do you think that perhaps tea and sympathy are not as strongly developed in men? I would turn to my women friends, knowing the husband and sons wouldn't be helpful.

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    1. Hels, very much so. I can't think of any men who I would go to for tea and sympathy, but I know a lot of women who fit that role.

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  5. A kind word or gesture is often all one needs, and all too often not what one receives.

    And sometimes, there is no one to give either...in those instances either a couple of good cries or a couple of good Scotches (or both) solve the issue! :)

    And sometimes, we can also be our own worst enemy because we hide what we're feeling...and shy away from sharing....

    'Tis a conundrum! To be human is not easy. :)

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    1. Wise words, Lee. I expect I did hide my feelings about my back, not even mentioning it for days, and he assumed it was ok. Yep, being human is not easy. Being a cat would be better, undisturbed by spilt coffee.

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  6. Andrew, I live with chronic back pain that flares up from time to time, so you have my profound sympathy. Or should that be empathy? Both maybe? Anyway, I hope your back is better very soon.

    And I am quite sure your friend would be out on his ear if he were caught snooping through a patient's chart.

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    1. Rozzie, I hope you know what triggers your back pain and can so therefore try to avoid the trigger. I am not sure about mine at all.

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  7. I know in many instances a kiss is as good as an apology, especially if the person has difficulty saying the words "I'm sorry" as I suspect R does.
    Referencing Rozzie above me here, try taking especially careful notice of your back and learn what things will trigger a painful response. It may not be just one thing. Also, what about some sort of heating pad for when you are sitting, to keep the muscles warmed, so they are less likely to spasm, if that is what is happening.
    Growing older is harder when one partner is crotchety and the other hides his hurts. Much easier to have a good talk session a couple of times a week and clear the air. Which is not what I ever did, I tend to shut up and retreat into myself and hope things blow over.

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    1. River, yes, I take the kiss as how you describe. I have been taught how to build up my lower stomach muscles to support movement that could strain my back and make my bulging disc worse. It's been a steep learning curve for me, but I am on top of it. You are right about talking. Perhaps there should be a, 'this week in review' chat. I do what you do. It blows over, but when you get to a certain age, you don't want to waste days with no speakies.

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  8. I work in a Medical clinic Andrew and don't go looking at patient's records, even though I can, but I just don't want to be burdened with people's health problems. If patients phone regarding their test results I open their computer file and transmit the results so I might become aware of health problems. Actually just yesterday we received a Police report request for a patient that had an "unusual" death and I became aware that he had actually committed suicide what greatly disturbed me as he was youngish and such a nice guy.

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    1. Sami, the police request result must have a been a shock. While I don't what your status is at the practice, and it doesn't matter, if I ever ring for test results, they are either given by my doctor or a nurse, not reception staff.

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  9. Aww Andrew, big hugs, for the sore back and harsh words..There's nothing worse than not speaking, I'm sure you've guessed that that would be impossible for me 😀 I have to admit P hardly ever gets cross with me, if he does it's usually computer related, but he can get a bit sulky if he thinks he's been mistreated ☺ I can't stand it and have to confront it straight up. Communication is the key otherwise resentments build. Do you have a good physio, mine is a magician!

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    1. Grace, yes my physio knows what she is doing, but she can't do the impossible. Yes, I am not surprised about anything you have written here. With you, what you see is what you get.

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  10. P.s. it may be wrong of me but the 'you've put on a tan' made me chuckle ☺ and a receptionist in a doctor's office should definitely NOT have access to confidential patient files.

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    1. Sami's comment was interesting then, Grace. I just said what I would say to anyone who returned from holidays looker more tanned than what they were. To not remark upon it might be racist.

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  11. Well, have you yet gone to the doctor concerning your back? I think it was on my blog you said everyone needs a bit of help sometimes. I have not resolved my knee issue either and there is a large knot behind it now and all sorts of imaginings fill my head in fear over it. So I hope you go see a doctor and I suppose I should too over the knot but by now I realize its the balled up ends of something that tore off, at least I hope so. Dr. Internet says its likely so. Do go, please. Not being able to walk, that's not good, Andrew. You need your mobility back.

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    1. Strayer, I have been to the doctor. He gave me as long as I wanted off work, but I only took two days, and he prescribed Celebrex for the inflammation. The physio knew straight away what the problem was. She is part of the same practice as my doctor. I can still walk, but it is real effort, sometimes. Your problem sounds more severe than mine and perhaps you will need surgery with something not attached when it should be.

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