Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Rejection

I cannot remember what year, but R's oldest sister, my favourite, second husband's sister and her partner visited Australia. We collected them from the airport, gave them dinner and took them to their digs. They visited Adelaide, and asked if they could stay with us for one night when they returned. Of course. We were hospitable hosts,

Totally by coincidence, we were to visit Darwin for a holiday at the same time they would be there. We caught up and spent some time together. I remember now, it was my first year of blogging second year and I did write about our Darwin holiday. With A&J, we were in the Darwin Casino watching a monster tv screen as the 2005 London bombings unfolded before us in the late afternoon. We did not appreciate just how serious the event was.

A&J were great fun and we went to Mindel Markets together, ate awful food stall food and saw the sun set on the beach. All very nice. Then A said, I have to do my nails tomorrow and we will be very busy, so we won't see you again. I felt hurt and it wasn't just me. R was not impressed either. Well, we don't want to see you either.

We had our own agenda in Darwin, places to visit etc, and did they not realise that we are not the imposing type. Well, I don't think we are.

Nevertheless, via FB we know them now and while we are not best friends, we keep vaguely in touch. I understand about private space and home time and women painting their nails and men needing private time! But what she said was quite hurtful.

I wrote this some time ago, but never published it. I now have a reason. Gattina was hurt when a close friend and neighbour went to live with her new husband and Gattina did not hear from her for months. Read Gattina's post here.

23 comments:

  1. Poor Gattina.
    Last year I walked away from a friendship of nearly 40 years because it had become toxic (and stayed toxic). It still hurts though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I suspect it was/is a classic case of 'this hurts me more than you...'

      Delete
    2. EC, that is sad but in my experience it is better to go separate ways than pretend.

      Delete
  2. Crikey Andrew. I hope I never hurt you. You don't hold back do you? That was some picture you painted there. Mum reckons she knows exactly what that hurtful bit was like. She had a bit of a giggle too at your words. You were right to be hurt. Nasty piece of work.
    Gattina doesn't hold back either, aye?? How do you say go to hell in a friendly manner?? There's this bloke at the beach who hates me. I've done nothing to him but whenever he sees me he comes at me with bad attitude and gnashing of teeth and he scares the living daylights out of me. I'd like to tell him to go to hell but I don't want to do it friendly like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Charlie, Gattina is quite amusing at times. We had an hour to kill at Brussels Station when we were passing through, sadly not enough time to meet her. I think you should sneak up behind your beach protagonist and give him a sharp nip on his rump.

      Delete
  3. Perhaps she didn't mean it to sound as hurtful as it did, but it does sound and feel like rejection, even reading it here. If she had said "we're going to be very busy so might not see each other again" that's a little easier to take. I'll zip over and read Gattina's post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. River, I am sure that was the case but people need to chose words carefully when saying such things. Your phrasing is better.

      Delete
  4. That's not a nice thing to do to you and R.
    Some people are certainly users, I', always wary however, on our winter holiday B's Auntie in Brisbane asked us to call for the day. We arrived mid am, came 1pm, came 1.30pm and both B and myself were hungry. 2pm Auntie said I haven't got anything for lunch! Her son had day off work and was home. I passed some money to B and he went to go for food, Auntie said you can get me etc. cousin said same, and I paid for it as no money was offered. When the same Auntie comes to Tasmania each year she stays at our house - we feed her, collect her from the airport and return her after 2 weeks with us - don't charge her anything, so we were very surprised when we visited her in winter, it's the first time she has done that to us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Margaret, just not good enough. That is the kind of thing Mother would do with her kids, but not to anyone else, that is not reimburse. Perhaps you should 'plan'to be away this year, or at least tell her you will be.

      Delete
  5. I understand how you would've felt, Andrew. I probably would have felt similarly. To hell with people like that, I say. As for painted nails...they've never been my "thing", and I've never understood why some women spend so much time and money on nails.

    As Margaret says above...some people are users...and are best given a wide berth. I do; have done, and will continue doing so in the future. Once caught, never caught again! :)

    Just feel good about yourself, that you can hold your head high...don't give satisfaction to the thoughtless, self-centred among us!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wise advice, Lee. My mother is increasingly frail at nearly 83, but somehow who still manages to cut and paint her toenails. I am finding that harder at my age. I don't mind either way about painted nails, but I don't like seeing dirty nails, although with some manual jobs it is nearly impossible to keep them clean.

      Delete
  6. Some people have no class even with tits. I do hope at your age you use a toned down version of Red Lust on your toenails.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jah Teh, that reminds of when I had a pedicure on a Thai Beach and my toe nails were painted with a clear polish, except it must have been cheap clear varnish. It went a horrible yellowish brown after a while and I had to wait for it to grow out.

      Delete
  7. It only happened to me once, but once was more than enough :( A close friend advised us that her sister, who we barely knew, had been dumped by her no-goodnik husband AND he took the children. She was devastated. So we invited her to dinners for a few years and introduced her to a lovely new man.

    Some time after the wedding, she was so rude and so critical of our friendship, we never saw her again. It was a nightmare.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hels, it is a mystery why some are so ungrateful at help and friendship. For all my faults, I am always very grateful to anyone who helps me, and help they have over time.

      Delete
  8. That was a bit rude to say the least. We don't need friends like that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Diane, quite so, but they are indirect family too, so it makes it a bit harder.

      Delete
  9. Am I correct in thinking R's family are from the North East? My experience of that part of the UK is that folk are very direct in what they say. It sounds very rude and thoughtless but you do know where you stand.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed Marie, the family are Geordies but I never had any issues with any of his family there, aside from normal family issues. Well, apart from the woman in the post office and the snooty librarian in Hexham. Australians are known to be direct, deserved or not, so perhaps I did not notice. No, thinking about it, R's family are archetypical north easterners, and ever so polite and considerate. The issues I have about that area of England is women going out with extreme exposed cleavage in freezing temperatures, sitting around doing nothing but drinking endless cups of tea and their love of voddies.

      Delete
  10. Blimey Andrew, I hope that titless tart doesn't read your blog 😀😀😀

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grace, no family reads my blog. It does give me some freedom.

      Delete
  11. There are several couples I know going their ways now and I don't know how to think about it. Each has a new person in their life. some people like some people or sync up, same brain waves, and with some its just a bit off and you can't put a name to it but its enough to say hello now and then but not get close. Then with some, its like the symphony and the metal band and you sign off and take your different paths.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strayer, the great puzzlement of attraction and then unattraction, if I can use that word.

      Delete