Saturday, November 19, 2016

Hair pulling out stuff

Mother's telephone stopped working on Mother Day, the day R visits her. He had a call from a call centre in some other country who kept asking to him hold. Mother is Telstra priority customer because as she says, her telephone is essential, never mind that her personal alarm is connected to the National Broadband Network and not the telephone line.

Mother, for $50 per week, five days, gets an attendant to supervise her showering. Mother runs them ragged and they are all so concerned for health, her well being and her lack of money, so unlike her uncaring children. It is the best $50 a week that Mother spends.

Eventually the overseas call centre connected R to a local supervisor and it seems one of Mother's showering people could not contact her via telephone and thought the worst. R spoke to the showering person and he said she sounded very stressed. That is Mother's task in life, to make people worry about her.  But of course all these calls delayed R who usually leaves at 10 on Mother Day. He would have been at Mother's by the time he dealt with all these calls.

Finally he hung up the phone and set off rather late. Although the tech person was supposed to fix Mother's phone between 2 and 6, he was there in the morning when R arrived. It was a fault in a street junction box. Mother had already told ABI Brother that he must stay the night as she can't be on her own without a telephone.

All was sorted and most kindly, Tradie Brother called R tonight to thank R for his efforts.

R knows all about home care and from his experience, if the client is difficult, he or she is not given the same caring person on a continuing basis, which is exactly what is happening with Mother. A different woman arrives every day for Mother's showering.

At Chemist Warehouse, Mother refuses to use a basket, instead stuffs innumerable products into either her handbag or two less formal bags. R sorts it out at the desk and puts it all into a basket. R put her walker in the car and had to clear the box below the seat, T, did you pay for this talcumn powder? I don't think I did, R.

I quote R, "Your mother is an ****ing nightmare. The manipulation and the sheer gaul of her. I have worked in disabilities and with old people for thirty years and I have never met anyone like her".

Yes dearest, that's my mum.

22 comments:

  1. Sigh. All very familiar.
    I hope that the manipulation gene has passed me by. My mother found it very, very useful but it drove me batshit crazy (more batshit crazy).
    One of her phrases 'it is the least you can do' made my hackles rise every time. And was almost always used when she was asking for the moon. Gift wrapped.

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    1. All very familiar to me too. Not my own mum, but some of her neighbours in the care home had me running out to the car, screaming :(

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    2. EC, I reckon my mother is smarter than yours was as mine is not usually so direct as saying, it is the least you can do. She often apologises for her situation and having to have us do things for her and usually expresses great appreciation for what people do for her. Her charming works well enough on most people but not so much her own children.

      Hels, I can well imagine. From memory about what you wrote about your mother, she an outward look on the world and wasn't self obsessed.

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    3. My Mom God rest her soul was a blessing. She didnt require that level of care though. I do have a friend who is bedridden who can shout out her wants. I know her husband gets weary at times.

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    4. Gabrielle, for better or worse and for some there is a lot of worse.

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  2. I think R is a saint.

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    1. Possibly Marie, but that doesn't mean I don't get an earful when he arrives home from a Mother Day.

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  3. Andrew your demanding mum again Be patient

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    1. I am very patient, Gosia, but R does some hard times with Mother.

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  4. We, who are unrelated and without a care, can describe such people as eccentric and 'a character'.

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    1. Victor, she is not neither really. Just impossibly difficult, silly and stupid, but sorting out what is deliberate silly and stupid and what is genuine is something only her own children know.

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  5. I wonder which one of you will get to draw the short straw and be the messenger who suggests other living arrangements. ' A nice unit with others around to see to your needs Mother'

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    1. Cathy, as I have said before, it will become fait accompli. One day she will go to hospital for some reason and just never go home again.

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  6. Our phone company at times can be diffucult to deal with. At times here in usa, I belive it would be as easy to nucular codes to set off a bomb.

    As do in home care I like the ideal of rotating the care givers.
    We to in USA have diffucult clients. Not many but we have them.
    So after bit they make work so miserable and they end up going though all the caregivers.
    Sooner or later there just not any more that is willing to go out.
    I don't think it would be possible to have a new care giver come in every time, for some of clients. But there is a possible to rotate we just don't have the population to do that.

    Coffee is on

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    1. Dora, thanks for your inside perspective. Yes, Mother does get a repeat of carers but they are wisely rotated at random.

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  7. I like reading about your mum. I'm learning so much about how not to treat my children when I get old. And I plan on buying one of those shower chairs when I can no longer feel safe standing on a wet surface. My balance has always been good, so that may not happen.

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    1. River, I don't know about your bathroom, but Mother's chair is designed for a bath. I expect a shower model would be different and yes, they are great and give a good feeling of security. Channel 7 last week had a story on balance exercising for older people, which leads to a 40% reduction in falls in elderly. If your balance is good, not a problem for you.

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    2. I have no bathtub, just a large walk-in shower. I've seen other bathrooms here, when visiting neighbours and I believe I have the biggest shower without those awful sliding doors that get mould in the tracks.

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  8. Oh dear me Andrew, what does one do with such a women. No matter what anyone does she wouldn't be happy, you can't change them. Actually it's kind of embarrassing at time.
    Good luck, and yes, I know she is your mother and when she's gone you will miss her, but she's still with us very much so, so try to enjoy your mother.

    You know my dad used to make me a bit embarrassed sometimes with the way he spoke in public until I told him off, yes, several times in public.
    I wouldn't stand his nonsense. He didn't know he was talking abruptly either.
    It was a nightmare if a different person came to shower my dad, he would kick up a stink, be rather abrupt to the shower person until he got the one he wanted back to shower him - oh yes, fun times back then.

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    1. Hah Margaret, you have been through it. It is the duty of parents to embarrass their children and they don't stop when you reach a certain age. I would guess that part of the point of rotation of staff is to stop what happened with your father.

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  9. Oh dear! Mother is a lucky lady to have a family who look after her so well, you all won't know what to do with yourselves when she's gone.. hopefully not for a while 😀

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    1. Grace, we all thing it will be a very long while. For a very sick woman, she is very healthy.

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