Thursday, August 04, 2016

Party Musings

Sorry, I wrote this a couple of nights ago without any real intention to publish. I have worked on the second party post and it is nearly finished, but not quite. I am very tired and will finish it tomorrow.

Not one of Bone Doctor's family attended her 40th birthday party. Her mother is travelling in Africa. Err, better not arrange travel when it is my daughter's 40th? No. Her father stays at home, morose and staring at walls. One sister was working. Not sure about the other. Her brother, clearly not prepared to make an effort.

I had the weekend off work, Saturday and Sunday and it has been some time since I have had both weekend days off. Instead of indulging myself, and I missed Melbourne's Open House, I made the effort for Bone Doctor, as did R, and it cost us a few bob. My family is far from the perfect loving family, but we do make an effort for each other, and I hope Bone Doctor has learnt a little from us about family. I am not looking for praise. It is just how I think and feel. There are family obligations. Had I have been working, then I would not have been able to attend.

Successful family connections rely on at times biting your tongue and remembering that whatever happens, family connections are so important, so unless it is impossible to do otherwise, don't put any family member on the outer. When you get older, it seems you don't have a lot of friends and speaking personally, lack the withall (what is the word I am looking for. I should know? It will come to me at 3.47 AM tomorrow) to make new friends, that is if you even need new friends.

The objective me agrees families can be different and not all like mine. Some are better, some are worse. But surely some basic caring for family must surely be at the forefront. I don't believe Bone Doctor's family ever really argue. From my perspective, they just don't seem to care enough to bother with each other. They have occasional contact, but that is as far as it goes.


16 comments:

  1. I'm glad she has your side of the family to rely upon.

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    1. Cranky, yes. While my mother and her aren't the best of mates, we all get along ok and I think we are a positive for her.

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  2. At our age we lack the where with all to do many things but you are both so caring I wold love to have you in my family. Then R could go and visit my mother and take her out and I wouldn't have to go to Manchester for 3 days every 4 weeks and listen to her criticising me!

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    1. Well Marie, R could do that and listen to your mother criticise you and pass said criticisms back to you.

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  3. Sigh. My family tends towards Bone Doctor's family approach. I am the glue which holds them together. And some days they do their best to wash off the stickiness.
    And I am with you on not having the energy to make or sustain new friendships.
    Drat you, this is a sad post. A true post. A real post.
    And, off topic, tell me when my photos are unclear. Please.

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    1. EC, it is not a bad thing to be a bit of a family pivot. Our family seemed to become quite a bit closer when Little Jo was born, and remained so. I think it was mostly in low light when your photos weren't great and you can't do much about that. But really, they were great photos in the last post, I thought. Almost like you have a new camera.

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  4. One of my favourite topics, Andrew - the decency or arse-ishness of ordinary families.

    I have decided, after much soul searching, that family members are much more sensitive to each other than they are to friends and colleagues. Thus if a friend is rude, you either laugh it off or move on. No harm done. But if your parent, sibling or cousin is rude, it is remembered for ever :( In detail :(

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    1. Hels, I shall submit arse-ishness to the Oxford for their consideration. Yes, I recall some of your family issues, especially one person in particular. You are quite right. Proper friends generally don't say bad things to you, but family may well do so.

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  5. Basic care is what I grew up with. We weren't close and it's only in the last few years that I've been closer to my brother.

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    1. River, it is better late than never. Your sister sounds quite odd, so I don't think anything will happen on that front.

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  6. On my mom side we have a reunion about once a year. But it like we need to be push together or I believe we wouldn't see each other that much.
    Anyhow I'm one black sheep of the family.

    So glad we got the weekend off. I usual have the weekend off. Planning to take my clients to a quilt show on Sunday the 13th of August.
    It gives them a chance to get out.

    Coffee is on

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    1. Dora, I think the reunion is a good way to keep connected. Black sheep can be good or bad. I hope they enjoy the quilt display. Being in the caring profession is an admirable job and should be much better paid.

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  7. Andrew sometimes family relationshiops are complicated. Just life

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  8. My sister barely speaks to me at all but since I went batshit crazy on the phone 3 weeks ago,she keeps in touch a bit more.
    I admit I was hanging on to sanity by a thread and didn't need her to criticize my attitude to not being told about granddaughter's coming baby. I don't think it ever occurred to her that I have basically lost a family.
    I have promised myself that before I die I will, with my last ounce of strength, punch her as hard as possible.

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    1. Jah Teh, what could her motivation for not telling you be? There is always one. She does get you riled.

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