Saturday, August 27, 2016

Mother Tale #5783

You knew you were't get away with just one long post about Mother, didn't you.

I don't know how much detail would make a good blog post, but I am sure a list of what has happened in the last week would not be a good blog post.

Mother is in the care of a very good private hospital and is indulging in diva like behaviour, to the extent that for one day staff popped her into a freezer and ignored her for a day.

Nevertheless, the staff have been wonderful to her, as Mother admits. Her co-habitee in the hospital is 93, nearly blind and nearly deaf but Mother and she are great mates. They both think Nurse Ray is wonderful and Betty said to Mother, there is no harm in flirting with such a lovely young man. It's not like I can do anything now. Hmm, Betty has good taste. He is quite hot and clearly straight.

Mother lays it on thick with R, and gets him both distressed at her problems but also annoyed at how manipulative she is. He didn't really mean it, but he has been saying that she is evil.

She calculates and manipulates constantly, which does not work much for any of her children, but it does for me through R who says I must do certain things for her.

Tradie Brother is going to install handrails at her place, donated by Mother's friend who also donated a very good wheeled walker frame. Mother was supposed to go home today, Friday, and R had taken a day off his volunteer work to take her, but her doctor said no Mrs C, you can't go home until your handrails are installed. But when I spoke to Tradie Brother today, he said Mother's occupational therapist told him she insisted on staying in hospital for the weekend. Who to believe? I doesn't really matter though.

I spoke frankly to Mother one night on the phone and told her that she is in good care and that there are a lot of services to support her to continue to live at home. But she needs to take her medications as prescribed and she needs to listen to advice, and frankly there was a cross tone to my voice. Next day, she called Sister and was in tears about what her cruel older son said. She told Sister to call me to tell me that if we were going to visit, she might be out, visiting her home with her OT to see what can be done to improve her situation at home. She initially said, I'm not doing that. I will be too upset. Seems she changed her mind. R answered the phone call from Sister, and told Sister a few hard truths.

I could bang on at length, but at the end of day, she is my mother and I will do what I have to do. She can manage at home for now with some professional support. She has always been spoilt, by her parents, my father and his brother, other people and late Step Father. She is now an increasingly frail old lady who is quite justifiably frightened about her future.

18 comments:

  1. "increasingly frail old lady who is quite justifiably frightened about her future" Bwahahahahha. She could also compete with my mother for the Gold medal for manipulation. I was reading this while yelling my mother on the phone for blaming one of the PCA for something that was entirely my mother's fault. I tell her don't fight with a person who keeps a diary and she shuts up immediately. She's coming up to the 7th year of Home Life and I have only just this year been able to tell her I'm not coming down in the cold or heat or if I feel bad. And be wary for the handrails to be in the wrong place or the wheelie walker taking too much of her strength to push. Welcome to Mothering Hell, pick up the pamphlet at the door on the left and the tranquilizers on the right.

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    1. Jah Teh, yes, always be pleasant to people who are treating you. Actually, she always remains polite, but firm. The Occupational Therapist visited the house with Mother and drew up specifications for the height etc for the rail, and Tradie Brother has now installed it. Nurse Rae joked to me, perhaps you should have the tranquilizer she refused to take.

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  2. Justifiably frightened; I get that. I felt the same when I fell off the ladder (long time ago now) and I was okay, but wondered what on earth would have happened to me if I'd broken something or been knocked unconscious.
    But I think, with care and help, your mum should be able to adjust. The walker and handrails will help with stability and mobility, and if she remembers to take her medication, all should be well. Another option is to have a district nurse pop in daily to be sure the medication is taken.
    After all that, all you can do is keep on as you were doing and hope for the best.

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    1. River, the mechanisms behind the scenes are grinding into action. She was refused by the council agency to have someone there while she showers, but the social worker got in touch with the agency and sorted that out, so she will have an attendant every second day. My advice if something serious did happen to you like that back then, go into the public system where you will not get five star treatment, but the services are better and more help is available, here in Victoria at least.

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  3. Have already heard these complaints of manipulating mothers when they get old ! I hope it never will happen to me !

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    1. Indeed Gattina. One day you will be old and I hope not manipulative.

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  4. I can empathise entirely with your situation but your last paragraph said it all. There is no getting away from the fact that she is your frail, elderly Mother. Chin up Andrew.

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    1. Marie, we are optimistic about her immediate future, even if she isn't. Thanks.

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  5. Popped her into a freezer for the day????

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    1. Hels, it kind of means to ignore someone, to isolate them. That day they did the absolute minimum they had to do.

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  6. your mother is really manipulative lady. Be patient and take care

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    1. Gosia, yes patience, and it wears thin at times.

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  7. Sigh. I well remember my mother playing her children off against each other (or trying to) through judicious use of lies, half truths and omissions. She too was frail and frightened. Which didn't have a good effect on her character or, sadly, on mine. We did a lot for her, but it was sometimes hard to do it with a good grace.
    Good luck.

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    1. EC, she doesn't really play us off against each other too much as she knows she will be caught out. I believe in doing things with good grace or not at all but this is a bit different.

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  8. I think it says a lot that one of her great mates is nearly deaf and blind.

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    1. Ad Rad, I think her room mate should be very grateful about her deafness at the moment.

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  9. Oh gosh, she is darn good at what she does. I wonder how her skills could be used for great good in this world. But R may be right instead.

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    1. Strayer, she isn't really evil. She is always kind to and has concerns about animals. If she sees a dog alone, she will immediately classified it as lost and she will get upset. She worries terribly about her two cats, that are little more the strays. At one time she was feeding eight.

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