Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Just another Sunday, not quite

Mother had worked the day out carefully. It was my first free Sunday for many weeks. We arrive at 11.30, lunch at McDonalds at 12.00 and then we visit her friend for afternoon tea and must admire her friend's very expensive home renovations. Truth be told, Mother's friend has the best house in the worst street. The suburb where Mother's friend is awful. Her home is wonderful but in a horrible area. Down the back, her son lives in an extension that reeks of dope.Her husband's factory is further back.

Mother's friend had promised Mother a long term lend of a walking frame, the upmarket type that has a seat as well. Mother's friend bought it for her late divorced husband. Yes, even in real life, relationships are changing. Mother's friend and her husband looked after her ex husband until  his death and it was his walking frame.

When we arrived at Mother's, she was in a total mess. It is rare to see her without makeup, but she had none. She could barely walk because of her foot injury from four weeks ago, but aggravated by a twist when she was walking a few days earlier. The pain had become worse and her foot was now swollen. She was getting around the house using her washing basket trolley, which does fit between her fridge and the bench, unlike the walker that Sister gave her that Sister found on a road side collection. Mother did the usual, whatever will happen to me and I can't cope. She had already seen her doctor and had an xray but the xray was not going to be available until this Wednesday from last Friday.

At her insistence, we took her to an emergency department of a private hospital. I tried to encourage her to go to the nearest public hospital but she had heard 'bad reports' about the hospital, even though it was where Step Father died and his treatment was fine. This is really going to cost, not mother even though she has private health cover that we pay. No, her children will have have to pay, meaning me who will then have to ask for recompense from my siblings. Mother said, don't ask Tradie Son as he has no money. Don't worry, it will be added to his bill. Mother acts like a rich woman while she is confident her children will pay, but that is coming to a stop.

We stayed with her for a while as she underwent tests but it was clearly going to take a long time, plus she had packed a suitcase and three handbags hoping to stay overnight. What a lovely way to spend a Sunday. I called the hospital at 6.00 pm and was put through to her room. The hospital had given her foot a CT scan along with other tests and diagnosed a soft tissue injury and arthritis. There was not a bed available for her at the hospital in the Dandenong valley, so she was transferred last night (Sunday) by an ambulance to a south eastern private hospital/rehab centre.

I called my sister and brothers to let them know what happened, and her friend. That took some time!

Mother called Monday morning before I had a chance to call the hospital. She had not had a good night and she had been prescribed three different painkilling drugs. One is called Endo, I think, and she said she had stomach reaction. Mostly what she wanted was some nicotine patches as it was a long walk to get out of the hospital to be able to smoke. We bought some on our way there today, Monday. ABI Brother arrived with more of Mother's charlatan medicines and her clean underwear that  she had left on her phone table. Her lunch arrived and we went to the cafe to have some food ourselves and when we returned, her bed number was flashing for nurse attention on an overhead screen. Oh dear. No, she wasn't dead, but had spilt the hot water for her tea on the bed. Staff never arrived in the subsequent hour we were there.

She has now been to convinced to to take at least half an Endo tablet and to get off codeine, to which she is addicted. She seems quite happy in hospital and much more cheery. We don't have a clue as to how long she will be there, but as she lives alone, she needs her foot to heal before returning home.

Meanwhile in The Highrise, we had a terrible argument and R packed a suitcase in preparation to leave to live in a rented flat. It was all brought on by the stress of dealing with Mother. R spent 20 years working with disabled people, young and old, and now just deals with sane old people in his volunteer job, and he says there are none not even close to being worse than my mother.

Mother is so manipulative and skilled at it that you don't even realise it is happening. Now I am smarter thanks to R when he notices and has alerted me to what she up to and her motives. This 57 year old man was today in the women's underwear department of Big W buying Mother new underwear. I told her her she did not need so much underwear but apparently she wears two pairs each night with an absorbent pad in between. Way too much information. I don't want to know.

One doctor at the first hospital told Mother, Mrs C, it rare for us to see an 82 year old woman with such excellent general test result. Do you smoke? Not for a while, Mother replied. Doctor said, I can smell it on you. Mother answered, I was so stressed, I had one on the way here. Actually, she had one before she left home and one before she went in to the hospital.

Lordy, with such good general test results, Mother is going to live forever. Woe is us.

31 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear your mum is in hospital ($$$)and hope she heals much more quickly now she is keeping off her feet.
    A bit of a shock to hear R declare her the worst manipulator he knows. But at least you are all aware of it. is it possible for her to get some sort of in home care? someone to check on her daily and give help where it is needed? a few of our elderly tenants here in the flats have a district nurse or similar come in on a regular basis. Neighbour P who is diabetic has a nurse twice a day to check her blood sugar and inject her insulin, after being hospitalised too often when her sugar levels wouldn't stabilise.
    And I'm the sucker who helps out with kitchens and bathrooms when neighbours have been unwell and can't manage for a while.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. River, ABI Brother sees her daily and does her day to day shopping. You are doing a good thing for people where you live, as long as they don't take advantage. Mother has some in home care, meals on wheels (the food is awful) and a cleaner (doesn't do it properly). But she does have to pay for these services, but not much.

      Delete
  2. I think the drug in question is probably endone. Fairly strong.
    I am so sorry to hear about this, and hope that you and R are ok. Manipulative mamas can drive a stake through relationships. Easily.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EC, she can certainly cause friction between us. We are ok.

      Delete
  3. Sorry to hear about your mom. I didn't know your hospital were both private and public. In our little town of Bonners Ferry we have one hospital "Boundary County Community Hospital" last I heard it was 10 room hospital. Usual the local people come and have test done...Any major trouble they send you out. From my home I can see the helicopter flying by to and from the hospital.
    As for endone. Here as for slang name it call Oxi. Doing in home care and seen people on it. I would be so careful with it.
    Hope your mom feeling better soon.
    Coffee is on

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Interesting Dora. So Endone is Oxicodeine? Highly addictive I think and can ruin lives.

      Delete
  4. My mum was a lovely lady sadly died in my 30's but my mother in law was a different story lots of fire there, I miss both of them.
    good luck with yours she sounds like a real tarter and will most likely live forever.
    Merle...........

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Merle, tarter is a word I have not heard for years, but it is appropriate.

      Delete
  5. I hate it when the elderly manipulate one child against another, or the doctors against the family. I've seen it over and over again :(

    The trouble is that being older, in pain and dependent on others is the worst thing that can ever happen. It is like returning to infancy, without the lollies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hels, that is kind of what it is about. She looked after us well when we were kids, no expense of money that was not there spared. It is just basic obligation to look after your parents.

      Delete
  6. wow your mother is a strong woman and healthy one. Great news

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gosia, that means she will live to be be quite old. She gives us trouble now!

      Delete
  7. Manipulative mothers ~ I feel for you both. I live far from mine so I don't get sucked in.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carol, so you don't receive pleas of, you never come and see me?

      Delete
    2. I got those pleas from my mother. Four children and I don't drive, hubby away on army business and she expects me to somehow get interstate for a cup of tea?

      Delete
  8. Holy cannoli. I shall never complain about my Mother again.
    Good Grief!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. VV, I probably make her sound worse than she is.

      Delete
  9. I know she's a pain in the butt, but I LOVE your mother stories. They crack me up, you tell them so well I can picture the whole sorry sad tragic emergency all the time affair. I know people who have dedicated themselves to the art of manipulation and I have to steer completely clear I'm such a dope.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Strayer, I really hope there are not any more stories to tell for a while. Thanks.

      Delete
  10. Late to the party because of my mother. I bought new black sneaker type shoes in case anyone ever asks me out, she said why black, I told her it was for her funeral. Fortunately the Home knows our banter now and laughed. I am in pain, I could use some Endone now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jah Teh, the scariest thing is that you have your mother's genes and you will live to her age.

      Delete
  11. Yikes! I'm sorry, Andrew, hope things have settled down.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Sandra. It is a case of yes and no.

      Delete
  12. The thing that intrigued me in your post was that your mother took three handbags with her to hospital. Three!

    Hopefully things are calmer between you and R or should I bring a mediator down with me on my lightening visit this Saturday (20th)?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Victor, in spite of three handbags, there were still things left behind that she meant to take. No need for a mediator and while we could cram in coffee with you before you see the Pratt's show, tomorrow will be a busy day for us.

      Delete
    2. When I wrote my comment I didn't give thought about the possibility it might read like a hint that we catch up. That wasn't my intention. Anyway I imagine the longevity of your relationship has come with your own mediation techniques. 😉

      Delete
    3. Yes, I know you didn't mean that. You are possibly right, although mediation is perhaps the wrong word, rather wait out the storm.

      Delete
  13. Oh Andrew I can't bear to hear about you and Ray falling out, you are my very favourite Melbourne couple! When I saw the knee surgeon he gave me a script for endone for pain at night, they did help but only for a couple of hours so I stopped taking them as I heard they can become addictive, now having regular physio instead.. Hope mum's foot improves soon, she's at a dodgy age now, I know it can be hard but try to be patient with her, it must be awful when you lose the ability to look after yourself oui xxx

    ReplyDelete
  14. How lovely to hear from you Grace. I've been slightly worried about you, but not enough to email you.
    You made a statement and I took that on board. R and I fall out often enough. The days of a bedtime reconcilliation have passed. I am going to have a frank conversation with my mother, maybe tomorrow.

    ReplyDelete
  15. oh no not a suitcase because 'none as bad as Mother'. I hope that all settled down. no, really. love to R.
    "not for a while" she lies to the quack, OTOH, define 'a while' - obviously to Mother it is 5 minutes. ha ha.

    3 handbags - oh FFS slap her now you Good Son giving up our precious day off. at least she is Under Control in hospital.
    ENDONE is oxycotin a vicious narcotic which has no effect on my chronic aches at all. [every body is different, sigh].
    I'd like to see your Mother and Copperwitch's compete in a Manipulative Stakes slapdown playoff. oh lordy.
    love.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. iODyne, thanks about Endone. I heard a doco on Canadian Indians becoming addicted to it and it wrecking their lives.

      Mothers at five paces to see who can be most manipulative. Mine would win.

      Delete