Monday, February 23, 2015

The degaying or Musical Monday

If you burrow into my personal effects, my bedside cupboard, my wardrobe and ever so certainly the computer hard drive, we could be discovered as a gay couple.

But essentially we are just two mates living together. We have degayed our lives in our older age. Not every gay couple does. I recently heard of a a very long time couple sending a plea to our government to be allowed to be married. I admire their passion, but it is not for us. Never mind that the ever so not teenage John Gray in Wales is about to marry his male partner.

We are just happy together, living in many ways independent lives but with each other. 

But god forbid that I would forget Valentine's Day, which I see as a commercial construction in Australia. Ditto Halloween. Valentine's Day wasn't something that happened in Australia until recent years, well not that recent. There was a time when the tabloid newspaper had almost a lift out booklet of personal messages for Valentines Day. Now it is a couple of sheets.

It was quite early in the morning when I had to rise for work on the 14th of February and as expected a card with a chocolate greeted me on the kitchen bench. I replaced the card with mine to R.

I rolled my eyes when I saw R's card, and thought, too damn late for that sweetheart, but as his salutation inside said similar to my thoughts.

My card. I am so not the hipster that I may want to be.


R's card. It made me feel very sad. I am scared and frightened that he might not be around forever and I am scared and frightened for him should I not be around. Many have trod the path before and survived, but it is not something you look forward to.


So what is love? Haddaway said it clearly enough so many years ago with a minimal of lyrics.


PS This was begun as a post about something else with only the first paragraph written. Let us say it evolved.

25 comments:

  1. Not a married couple but just like a married couple, companions into your senior years. Just like my mum and dad.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Victor, as a child of divorced parents and my mother connecting up with someone who she had no passion for, the only example I have of lustful love in older age is my late father and step mother. Omg, the noises. No, gays did not invent hot sex. Do you really know all about your parents in their private moments? Ok, icky thoughts really. I do treasure the companionship.

      Delete
  2. Andrew, re: my pineapple, this is like a flatten hedgehog, not "flesh" to eat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ann, it looked like it had been run over by a tractor.

      Delete
  3. we had our big gay out, even the prime minister came. did you hear about it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ann, I didn't hear that. I assume it was in Auckland. While Key is a conservative party PM, he is not as bad as our own and it is to his credit that he attended.

      Delete
  4. That's a great song that I had completely forgotten about.
    I can see by your cards that you and R still love each other, even if you are now just mates living together. A lot of relationships go that way, the passion may be subdued, sometimes forgotten altogether, but the love remains as two 'best friends' grow old together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. River, nice video too. Sorry, I am tearing up as I read the rest.

      Delete
  5. They keep trying to get Valentine's and Halloween going here in France, but they don't really catch on. Thank goodness. The hype for those silly holidays borders on the ludicrous in the US.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Walt, it is pretty sad that it has almost taken off here, but still many will have no bar of either at all. You may be amused that an American customer gave me a good telling off at work, except I only understood about two words she said. I kind of know a Texan drawl, a Bronx accent, black speak, and San Fran, but this was a really weird accent. It was so high pitched, shrill and rapid fire. Is it a university accent?

      Delete
  6. I am yet to understand totally why some gay couples HAVE to get MARRIED..No not shouting :) just saying. If they want to get married that's fine, but straight couples don't always get married either. I wonder is it because they can't, they want to, you know like a person who wants something and can't have it, so wants it more....just saying.
    Gosh, we don't have Valentine's Day in this house, that's because we are not young and were not brought up with it. Never heard of it once.
    Old age, and partners passing onto the other side..... not a nice thought, but mostly likely one is left alone after the other ones goes...sad isn't it, but we will grin and bear it when it happens to each of us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WA, your point may be valid and I don't understand why gays want to enter into an institution that clearly fails for many straight people and will, nay has already for gay people. It is not for us, as I said, but then I don't see why gay people should not be able to marry if they want to. Many gay people, including my sister, feel so strongly about it. While I don't see the point of it, they should have the right to emulate what is really an odd thing.

      There was a nasty incident in the earlier days of our relationship as Valentine's Day exploded in Australia where R went all out and I did nothing. I would not dare ignore our modest custom of at least exchanging cards now.

      That is what will do, grin and bear it. There is no other alternative.

      Delete
  7. Hello Andrew,

    Well, it seems to us that you and R are very good friends first and foremost and that is so important in a relationship. You care for each other, are kind and loving, now that is truly special.

    At heart, perhaps, you are both more romantic that you care to admit. Whatever, together you are more than the sum of the parts. Now, that, for us, is to be treasured.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you JayLa. I expect you are correct about the romantic aspect. God forbid that either of us take the other for granted. R sometimes explains some people's behaviour towards us as jealously of our relationship. I would not go that far, but I do see his point. Never is everything in a relationship smooth sailing. I am sure you know. For me it is not much more complicated than I like R.

      Delete
  8. Andrew, Those words really hit home and left a lump in my throat when you said "I'm scared and frightened that he might not be around" referring of course to 'R.'
    I feel the same way about my long term partner as he does about me. And unfortunately he's 10 years older than me so in a way I suppose I have to mentally prepare for that eventual day of loss. Whenever any of us has shared our lives with someone else for a long time, even if it is just a good solid close friendship that isn't even shall we say a physical relationship, then it's still got to mean something.
    The longer I've known my partner then the stronger the relationship has become. No one could ever replace them. And I'm sure you feel the same about 'R.'
    And let's face it, there does come a certain time in your life when it would be difficult to start all over again with someone new, should anything bad happen. It just took forever to get where I am now being in a very long term relationship. I'm not sure there would even be time to start all over again when that fateful day arrives. So I fully understand your fears. D.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dee John, I edited out the bit where I teared up as I was writing the post. Both you and I know how it works when such things happen. We know in a practical sense, but that doesn't make it easier. I sure you understand when I was younger I imagined if something happened to R, I may find solace with a younger exotic guy, but I now know I would not. I think I will be quite content on my own with my memories. Well, almost content. I will be quite cross that R bashed off and left me on my own.

      Delete
  9. I don't like the idea of accepting another nation's nonsense holidays that have zero meaning for us. Presumably they mean nothing except greater income for the card companies and gift shops :(

    But you should select high days and holy days that do have real meaning for you both eg your anniversary. A slap up dinner with friends on important occasions ... could not be better :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me either Hels. I express my opinion and get called Mr Grumpy and received the water flask so embossed.

      Thank you. You have made me think. WE WILL celebrate our 40th anniversary, in about four years.

      Delete
  10. I think that perhaps you and I were twins separated at birth Andrew (with me of course being the cuter twin). We have been together for 28 years and it's as you describe exactly - we're the best of friends. There is an 18 year age difference with us too and I can relate fully to Dee John's comments. I may well go first, but it's unlikely. I try to prepare myself for what is inevitable, but really, how can you? Like you, I think I'd be fine on my own. Lonely perhaps, but OK. We don't even do valentines (although I do like R's card) - C would have a fit if I entered into that. Marriage holds no interest at all for us - I don't get at all why others want it, but I respect their desires and values. We do have a PACS (French civil partnership, also available to straight couples incidentally). It's valid here in the UK and we took it out because tax and inheritance laws in France are a bit strange and financial protection was required. The PACS "ceremony" certainly wasn't romantic. The two of us in jeans and t-shits sitting at the desk of a city clerk signing forms! It's a legal procedure, nothing more.
    Apologies for the long winded comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And me being the smarter one. Craig..........well, maybe not. Eek, said in an English accent, 18 years is a big gap. 9 years is bad enough with him retired and me still working and our musical tastes are so different. Luckily I don't like music much so we seldom indulge. Great comment and thanks. While you need a lot of reassurance when you are a young gay man, you do need some when you are older.

      Delete
    2. Good come back smarter twin. I mis typed in my comment. 38 years here. I've always been old for my years and Clive young for his so it has evened out. We have very similar musical taste too.

      Delete
    3. Oh you two are adorbs! I have an idea forming here but it will hopefully have to wait for many years :)

      Delete
    4. Craig, I knew it was longer that what you typed.

      Behave Grace. There are certain things 'sisters' don't do.

      Delete
  11. How similar are the images! (Goethe’s phrase in a bad translation)

    No matter what kind of gender combination you are, if you are close to your soul mate that’s all that matters.
    My Beloved and I are just the same as you two, we spend a lot of time apart, doing different things, but when we get together we are friends and confidants.

    It feels good to have someone who always has your back. It won’t last forever (B. is 13 years my senior) but while it lasts, it’s good.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow Friko. With all due respect to you, I did not realise from the photo that your bloke was so much older. Always has your back is a good phrase. It does give you confidence.

      Delete