Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Sharing the bed

I suppose I must have put it in a indelicate manner back in about 1984, but I was so so tired and I just wanted a good night's sleep. I suggested R sleep in the spare bedroom. Well, he suggested it, and I agreed with alacrity Not sure why I did not go to the spare bedroom, possibly because my clock was next to the bed and the alarm set for early in the morning.

Since then we have rarely slept in the same bed and we both agree we would not want to, but it did cause some hurt at the time. It is to my regret that I was not more diplomatic but I was tired of being too hot and not be able to throw the bedding off. I was tired of wanting to pull the doona around me and feel cozy but not being able to. I was tired of being kept awake by R's snoring and tired of being elbowed because of my snoring. I was sick of sneaking around the room quietly in the morning while getting dressed. Less difficult was his alarm going off and him getting up. I was younger and slept better then.

I know most of you, but probably not all, sleep alone in your own bed.

Yes, at times I miss spooning in bed, the cuddles, the intimacy and certainly the spontaneity. But there is also the unwanted advances and attention and the control thing that happens after an argument and one of you sleeps in another bed, either by choice or by order, or it could be back to back in the same bed.

In more recent years, we may have started the night by sleeping in the same bed, but once one of us is asleep, the other goes off to the other bed. I recall once waking at 6am and I was in R's bed, alone. Where is R? Of course he was in my bed.

I am confident in saying neither R or myself could ever comfortably sleep in the same bed with anyone, let alone each other.  

39 comments:

  1. and there was I thinking that I was alone...

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    1. Craig, you do not walk alone, it seems.

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  2. Andrew, there are positives and negatives aspects. But each person can choose the best option..

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    1. Gosia, sometimes it is very difficult because one person will feel differently, maybe even rejected.

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  3. Choice is a great thing. Snoring is not a great thing. Therefore I choose to move to the other room when The Golfer thinks snoring is the best thing in life lol

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    1. That's quite practical Cathy. Trouble is as people age they are inclined to snore more, so you will be more often in the other room.

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    2. Cathy,

      I can relate. I do this too quite often.

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  4. I do miss having someone to 'spoon' with but otherwise my rotisserie sleeping style - turning over and over through the night - is better suited to sleeping alone.

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    1. Rotisserie Victor? What an extraordinary expression and leaves yourself wide open for something I am not going to write.

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  5. Something we need to do. We sleep very differently, and wake at different times. Very different times. So far the words I have found to suggest it have not gone down well. Better words needed. Better sleep needed.

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    1. EC, eggshells girlfriend, like walking on eggshells.

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  6. I sleep like a child and that is because we have a four bedroom house and only two live here now we have our our rooms.
    Merle............

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    1. Merle, do you allow the cats or visiting Angus onto the bed?

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    2. No cats but when Angus is visiting he often sleeps under the bed.
      Merle.............

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  7. Funny how there comes a point in time in most relationships, where you just need your own bed.

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    1. Allan, we only lasted a couple of years. A good night's sleep eventually rises to the top above all other considerations.

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  8. I shared the bed with my first husband, but we kept to our separate sides mostly, I was never one for cuddles or spooning. My second husband was a snorer and always wanted contact of some sort, also a very light sleeper getting up several times a night to go out and smoke, so quite soon he began sleeping on the couch, then we bought a spare bed and he moved all his stuff into the spare room.

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    1. River, and if he hadn't, you would have sent him.

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  9. PS; did you know there is a phone app available called Touchnote, that converts photos on your phone into postcards with message and recipients address preprinted on the reverse so you can send them home from wherever you are travelling.

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    1. River, no, I had not heard of it. I will take a look, thanks.

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  10. Me and the husband have shared the same bed (and it is THE same bed) for 32 years. It's a king size, so it's roomy. And we have shared it with a dog. There are times when sleeping alone sounds tempting, and when I was working I would find myself heading to the couch to escape the snoring, but that was the exception. I would feel strange sleeping in the same house but not in the same bed. I guess I'm in the minority!

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    1. I just re-read that. While it is the same bed, it is not the same mattress. Just wanted to clarify that. lol

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    2. I am relieved to note you clarification Walt. Horse hair is so uncomfortable. We can actually sleep together in a king size and have done so. Foam earplugs are very helpful. I can hear R snore from my bed and he no doubt he can hear me. It is kind of reassuring to hear the other person snoring when you are no longer so young.

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  11. I hear of so many people that eventually sleep in separate beds in different rooms. My husband snores, I expect I do too, he gets up in the night and walks around, I never hear him doing either. I think I am lucky. Yes, we both get hot but we pull the doona back or tuck it in the middle of the bed, seems to work. We just never seem to disturb each other. Everyone is different :)

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    1. WA, I am so pleased to hear another couple sleep together in their mature years. You must both be really good sleepers. I won't enter the discussion about the doona and who is hot and who is cold and whether being hot and cold happens simultaneously .

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  12. Hello Andrew,

    Same bed for thirty five years.Gosh.

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    1. JayLa, I concur with your exclamation. Gosh and golly gosh! Three abodes with umpteen beds to choose from and you sleep together. Really sweet.

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  13. Something else we have in common Andrew :)

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    1. Grace, I am a little surprised at wasn't really meant to be a survey but has brought up very interesting results.

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  14. Nathan and I now have to share our bed with the dog. I think we both wish that we had a spare bed to retreat to.

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    1. Perhaps it is rude of me to ask Ad Rad, but how long have you been together? I mean you and Nathan, not Truffles.

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    2. Almost 8 years. Time flies.

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  15. It's really nice (a relief) to see all these other coupled adults who sometimes (or always) prefer sleeping alone.

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    1. Dina, as I said, I am quite surprised at the results of what wasn't a poll. Is it my well educated readership? Does the real working class still sleep together?

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  16. I share mine with the cats mostly...

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    1. Unsatisfying at times Fen but mostly good.

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  17. Hahaha, just get a bigger bed :D Then there's room enough for all the nightmoves of every sort!!

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    1. Red, we have slept in a king size in London and it was not so bad.....with earplugs.

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