Saturday, June 15, 2013

No cheek, children

We should have set a good example to Little Jo and crossed at the lights when we got off the tram with her after being in town, but we didn't. We did as we always do, walked behind the tram and crossed the road. St Kilda Road is not an easy road to cross. The tram lines in the middle act as kind of refuge, as long as you check that trams are not coming.

As always, I held one of Little Jo's hands and R held the other as we crossed the road. "Andrew, you don't shake as much as Nanny, but your hand shakes a lot." That was my right hand, my left is even worse.

"E's (Tradie Brother) hands shake too."

"Little Jo, it is hereditary. Nanny's father's hands shook too."

"Mummy and Bone Doctor were discussing how your hands shake, AND, they said you don't have a football team."

"Well Little Jo, when I was young I used to barrack for Collingwood. But now, maybe St Kilda." I did not tell Little Jo that I now barrack for whichever team has the hottest player who has caught my attention for the week. Little Jo's auto trained response kicked in at the mention of Collingwood. "Wash your mouth out."

What I did not say was, child you need to be circumspect about the way your talk to Auntie Andrew, should you want to inherent something that we cannot spend. Should a couple of words scare them, the nieces and nephew, the brothers and sister? The words are reverse mortgage. I'd like to go out with a nil dollar balance. Even if there is something left, R has three sisters. Highriser assets divided by six is a very modest amount.

R is eight years older than I am. There is the possibility that he will go first. But as Mother with her umpteen medical problems discovered, your hale and hearty partner who you thought would survive you and care for you in your old age, may not.

I still have a lot to do in life and things I want to see and things I want to see happen, but at times I also think, well, if I die tomorrow, no regrets. I've had a wonderful life. Life's a bitch, and then you die, or your beloved partner might, which is assuredly worse than dying yourself. It is somewhat macabre, but I do at times wonder if I or R will be left holding the can. Should it be me first and R with his relatives so far away, I am confident my family will embrace R, as they have always done and R has done more for our family than could possibly be expected.


  1. There are many different situations.

    I'm an only child, both parents now deceased and my only two cousins estranged strangers I wouldn't recognise if I stood in front of them, wishing only for good health so that I can continue enjoying my comfortable retirement.

  2. "Life's a bitch, and then you die, or your beloved partner might, which is assuredly worse than dying yourself".

    Much worse! I would not like to linger on in pain for years, losing weight and watching the various organs fall apart. But if I could die quickly and painlessly, I would certainly choose to go first. Living alone in old age would be the pits.

    p.s this post needs a title

  3. Victor, I have three cousins who I would not know if I fell over them. Must be in their thirties now.

  4. Yet Hels, you might be surprised. Humans are nothing if not adaptable. Yes, and I can't think of one. I will fix it.

  5. Like you, if I died today I'd be pretty happy with what I've achieved. My cats would eat my body and the circle of life would continue!

  6. Good to know Fen. Btw, we had breakfast in the Market courtyard this morning. You are right, what a mess. We tried to get through to Aldi, but had go all the way around.

  7. What's up with the hands shaking?

    I'm certainly not ready to die yet, but when I do, hopefully 40 years from now, I'd like to go in my sleep, painlessly.

  8. I don't think it'a macabre - realistic more like.
    I almost lost Clive to a severe heart attack 13 years ago, which was a real wake up moment (we didn't even have wills at that time). He's 17 years older than me so I often wonder if he will go before me (likely but by no means a certainty).
    But like you, while I still have places to see, if I died tomorrow I'd be content with what I've done to date.
    I would however like to outlive my 79 yo mother if possible - only because a parent shouldn't really outlive their offspring and I think it would be very hard on her.

  9. This is why we've both traded corporate life for our life shared between our 3 homes - albeit with less money. I don't want to die wondering what retirement would have been like, and I'm certainly not going to my deathbed wishing I'd spent more time at work. YOLO!

  10. I really like the way you closed this out - you seem to live in the moment and the fact that you have the peacefullness to say that if you died tomorrow you would have no regrets leads me to believe that you have a sense of contentment that all of us seek!

  11. River, shaking hands are inconvenient. I can only carry one cup of coffee at a time and it is not getting any better as I get older. Forty years? You will be very old then. Ouch, you didn't have to slap me quite so hard.

    Very much as I think Craig, and I am pleased Grace in Perth 'got us commenting'. R is eight years my senior. How long have you and Clive been together, if you don't mind me asking?

  12. Wow that was a long run-on sentence. I need to proofread better :)

  13. Red, three homes? One is SA, your van and? While I hate work, I think I am too young to not work and I don't know that I will have enough money for my old age. I have noted that your Australian travels are quite cheap, with your tow along accommodation.

    Keith, I am not always at peace. Work is stressful at times, but generally I am at peace with the world and myself. I can kind of view myself from the outside and see my faults and understand them. I have written much longer sentences than you wrote. :)

  14. Very thought provoking post Andrew. I guess when you, or you partner reach a certain age its something that creeps into our thoughts. Must admit i've been doing a lot of 'what if?' thinking lately, I have to get to Paris just never know :)
    P.s. I just knew you and Craig would hit it off!

  15. Grace, it is too long since you have been to Paris and I can't wait much longer for you to write from Paris or about Paris. Avoid British Customs at all costs, along with Rue la Fayette.

  16. 36 years Andrew! Now I feel ancient. Just to cement that thought we just watched the DVD of "Amour" this evening. Brilliant but rather depressing. I need a pick me up...

  17. Craig, beats our 34 years.

  18. I meant WHY do the hands shake? Is it Parkinson's disease or something similar?

    1. No River, just in the genes.