Thursday, October 04, 2012

Blogmates

(Written ages ago, just getting rid of it. I stayed up until 2am?)

Nothing ready to post for tomorrow. What about this one I wrote a while ago. It is now 2am, so it will have to do.

As in real life with friends, blog mates come and go, often somewhat quicker than in real life. I adore my long term blog mates. I miss a few who no longer write and publish. (I started to write a list, but it was becoming very long) I feel it is a character defect of mine to become attached to blog mates and feel loss when they disappear.

But what about active loss. That is when someone keeps on blogging and although they used to comment on your blog, they stop. You are at a loss to understand why. You seem to have common interests and you admired them continued to comment on their blog, until it became clear nothing recipricol was happening.

Some people like to sprinkle comments around blogs in the hope of getting more interest in their own writing, but this wasn't like that. I suppose I feel genuine hurt. The person must hate me and I don't know why. I can only guess I wrote something too extreme or I was too risqué for the person's  tastes or that I was just boring.

But me being the person who always protects their emotions, I tell myself that my blog is my public online diary. Harden up Andrew. No need to get all emo. People are welcome to visit and comment whenever they want, without obligation and I will leave it at that.

26 comments:

  1. I also find it difficult when a reader stops commenting for no apparent reason. I try to remind myself that people comment for different reasons - and it's not necessarily to connect, no matter how in tune I might feel with them when I read their comment. Looking at it logically, why should I get upset when someone I haven't met doesn't 'talk' to me anymore?? I guess it comes down to different perceptions of online 'friendship'.

    So if you ever stop commenting on MY blog, man-up and leave one last comment to say why!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Red, I take comfort in logic, but at times I just wonder. I really would not want to be the type of person who doesn't give a rats.

      Delete
  2. If you think your reaction to a lost bloggy friend is over-the-top, consider how hurt you would feel if an old friend or relative suddenly stopped ringing and visiting. In this day and age, there is almost no difference between a bloggy friend and a school friend or relative.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hels that kind of did happen to us some time ago, without explanation, but we weren't the only ones dumped. I am not convinced everyone has the same attitude about bloggy friends and a school friend or rel.

      Delete
  3. Hello Andrew:
    This is something which, we believe, happens to us all. Of course when one loses a regular commentator one is always slightly mystified and saddened. That said, one has to accept that, as with many friends in the real world, there are certain ships which just pass in the night. Fun and interesting when there; missed when not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is a nice way to think of it JayLa. I struggle to believe you can possibly keep up with your many commenters. I expect some are more important than others to you.

      Delete
  4. I also miss blogs I've become attached to, when they disappear. Which means of course that I miss the blogger too. Whether or not I've actually met him or her in real life, the blog speaks to me and I come to feel I know and like the one who is blogging. Then one day, *poof*, they're gone. It's sad, and maybe a little silly, for me to feel loss over it, but I do.
    Commenters too. There are a few who no longer comment, some who do only sporadically because they're busy in their real lives, some who never comment even though I regularly comment on their blogs. When that happens, I gradually stop commenting there, sometimes no longer even reading, unless I have a whole day for catching up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. River, I have no problem with people stopping blogging, for whatever reason. While I may miss them it causes me no angst. It is very nice to have a reciprocal relationship with a blog mate and drop occasional comments. I think part of it is that you get to know rather a lot about people when you read their writing for a long time.

      Delete
    2. Oh, and you had such a good experience recently.

      Delete
  5. What's bothersome to me is when I see their comments on another blog after they've quit commenting on mine. It makes me think I need to quit talking so seriously in my posts and so then I write something trite and then don't like myself for trying to please someone else and have to remind myself to simply be true to self and what the heck does it really matter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rubye, yes that really hurts. While I enjoy all you write, sometimes it is difficult to come up with an intelligent comment, perhaps why some of mine are not so intelligent.

      Delete
    2. And I really must make more effort to read more of the blogs I used to. Like yours Rubye. Too often I read what's in my reader, then forget about what's in my bookmarks.

      Delete
  6. Serious thoughts for 2am blog Mate. I try not to lose my beauty sleep over things I have no control over Andrew, I need it too much haha!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Grace, you are quite right too. But I don't think it is a bad to thing to wonder about.

      Delete
  7. Great. I'm going to have to post a comment now ;-)

    But seriously...now that we can see stats on how many times our posts are viewed, it made me realise that so many more people are reading the posts than those who actually choose to leave a comment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ad Rad, I get gobsmacked when I look at stats, even if only half the hits are people who actually read the post.

      Thanks for you comment. Your English is improving a lot :-P

      Delete
  8. Obviously from the comments above you are not alone in your thinking. I have similar feelings when someone who used to comment regularly stops doing so but then every now again they reappear with a one off comment and I realise, as Ad Rad said, there are many 'silent' readers.

    Actually the pressure to comment every day can be as daunting as the pressure to post every day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Victor, I don't feel pressure to comment on every post someone writes, and nor would I expect it. I think you have to find some connection with what is written before commenting. Sometimes you want to comment, for whatever reason, perhaps that you haven't made a comment for a while, but you just can't get a connection and the last thing you want to say is 'nice post'. The ones I do make a comment effort for are the long term bloggers who don't post frequently.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "some connection with what is written" is absolutely necessary unless you just leave generic "good post" comments, which really don't mean anything.

      Delete
    2. Yeah River, I suppose good post is something, but it is nice to get a personal connection with what is written.

      Delete
  10. as you said - "While I enjoy all you write, sometimes it is difficult to come up with an intelligent comment, ".
    There are many blogs I have read and commented at 100 times, and never in a negative way, and I can never work out why they never ever make a reciprocal visit. Some nice bloggers I don't comment when they already have 80 comments - they don't need mine.
    Not much happening at any of my blogs lately - I have been house-sitting since August at 2 different places and am worn out. Sometimes posh houses have no comfortable chairs at all, and not a single lamp that can be used for reading. I'm free tomorrow and will be commenting all over HighRiser till you blobk me. X X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dearest Ann. Posh houses but they do not provide you with a good seat with appropriate lighting. Most un-caring on their part. I never blobk anyone, apart from you know who.

      Delete
  11. I am guilty of sometimes reading then being too brain dead to comment. Or if I read on my phone it is hard to comment. But yes, I too miss people

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fen, while I do my best writing at night, in daylight hours I do my best commenting. At night I am often just too tired to be sensible.

      Delete
  12. There are people who used to comment on my blog; and now never (or rarely) appear.

    There are many blogs I used to read; and now I no longer do so.

    I think in a lot of cases, it's just people drifting apart. Sometimes an offense might have caused the rift. Sometimes not.

    Have you tried commenting on this individual's blog? Does she/he respond? Ignore you? Respond, but doesn't visit your blog?

    I'm just thinking...maybe she or he is waiting for you to take the first step.

    She/he might have been distracted by life and forgot about your blog.

    Or maybe you offended the blogger; but she'll be over it by now. And you just need to give her a little nudge.

    The blogger MIGHT be angry and unforgiving. That would suck. But I think there's a good chance he/she is not. I think it's worth it to try to reunite.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dina, rarely is not so bad. At least they are probably still reading.

      The situation I mentioned was some time ago and I can't remember now. But I think I felt ignored too. I just feel she decided to ignore me, even though we had exchanged some emails about certain things.

      Truly, she is the only one where I have felt about like that. Other people come and go, they have their lives, sometimes get busy, or choose not to write anymore, or drift away from my blog. That really doesn't worry me.

      Delete