Friday, August 31, 2012

Bad Sister

I is angry. I don't get angry often. Today R journeyed down to the Bellarine to be a substitute father for Little Jo. It was her kindergarten Father's Day thing. Dads or male family friend were welcome. It was a huge effort by R, but he did it and enjoyed it. (of course Sister lives somewhere nice, where things are inclusive, and the child's mother's brother's partner is quite accepted as uncle)

But Sister, who he was not supposed to see, was home when R dropped Little Jo back home. Sister had some issues at her work place and left work early. She was clearly, by R's recount, very annoyed about what happened at work.

Yet Sister took it out on R and was quite rude to him.  She was in a thoroughly bad mood. I am angry because Sister thinks of R as family. R is not family. He does what he does for our family with good grace and not out of obligation. I've told her he is sensitive, yet did she hear?

I so want to send her a blunt sms to tell her to show more respect for and to R. But while Sister is so outgoing, friendly, charming and interesting, she is somewhat frail. I may have the opportunity to slip something in at some point, but I won't press the point that R felt unwelcome at Sister's and that his effort for Little Jo seemed unappreciated.

At least her footy team won tonight, so the long suffering Bone Doctor might not be on the end of a savaging. 



14 comments:

  1. Maybe just send her a link to this post? It doesn't hurt to remind those who need it that the meaning of the word 'favour' in no way includes the word 'obligation'.

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  2. Yeah. That's unfair. Hopefully, she'll realize it and apologize.

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  3. What has family got to do with it? There is nothing wrong with being human, but this does not render bad behaviour harmless.

    But as for R being there for Little Jo on Dad's day, to ignore this gift is unforgiveable. What has family to do with it? Even family should not be taken for granted - for Sis to ignore R's effort is very disappointing.

    We can only hope that one day Little Jo realises that R has always been there for her [while uncle Andrew pretends to be doing something important on his 'puter].

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  4. Football wins remedy all manner of illnesses.

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  5. Red, R doesn't see it as a favour. He was pleased to do it for Little Jo. No way will Sister see what I write, not while I am alive unless by accident.

    Dina, she is just thoughtless at times. She is a bit better than when she was younger.

    FC, I suppose what I am saying there is that you put up with some things because they are family. None of us siblings worry too much about Sister. If she was rude to us, we would quickly say something, like 'what's wrong with you?'. I was a bit sad to hear two children at the event did not have anyone turn up for them. They were given special jobs to keep them busy.

    Hopefully Victor. Thinking more, I suspect she was under quite a bit of stress about something.

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  6. I'd be inclined to let it slide. I'm thinking of R here. Sure, it would be nice if your sister was more appreciative but you also don't want to inflame the situation by making it look like R was complaining about your sister (even though he is entitled to do so).

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  7. I'm thinking it is nice that sister is comfortable enough with R to be able to show her moods, she probably thinks of him as family after all this time. Perhaps if R had said something like "bad day at work? Like to talk about it?" and suggested a cup of tea, she might have warmed up a bit? Enough to say "thanks for doing this for Little Jo"? although it really isn't up to R to make such moves, sister should just automatically say at least Thank you.

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  8. You're probably right AdRad. Our family does tend to keep its mouth shut, so we don't have huge blow ups.

    River, I also keep in mind that R can be overly sensitive at times, and he often thinks Sister doesn't like him, which is untrue. I suppose that he is seen as family is a good thing really.

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  9. I think your Sis must have been pretty stressed Andrew, it can't be easy working and bringing up Little Jo on her own..I bet she really appreciated R coming down, I don't think it would do any harm to just ask her how things are going..R has you to make him feel better oui!

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  10. R is a Saint and always has been. Having a male there at her school day was about HER not about Sister. At school it is so important for kids to feel the same as everyone else. So bless him and I am sure he will be fine ( X X to R from me) and just remember all this when Christmas shopping. Go out now and get her some leftover marked-down Fathers Day chocolates stock so it can mature till Dec 25.

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  11. It would appear that R was being a caring, sharing sweet pussycat who for no fault of his own found himself on the receiving end of the classic 'kick the cat' scenario.

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  12. Hi Andrew

    Well, I know you and I know R and I'm so sorry that R had this awful experience because I know how much you both love Little Jo. I want to just pick up on something that you said,

    '... while Sister is so outgoing, friendly, charming and interesting, she is somewhat frail.'

    You might want to unpack and examine that thought before working out how to deal. I sense manipulation.

    Love to you both

    Pants.

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  13. I think River has an interesting perspective. I didn't think of that before.

    Did your sister attack R personally...like was she mean to him? Or was she in a bad mood; and not acting friendly and grateful?

    Both are unfair to R; but one is worse.

    If she doesn't apologize, maybe you can say something to her...Like "R went out of his way to do this; it would be nice if you could perhaps thank him."

    I don't know how to say that without sounding bitchy though. And it could start a whole family feud.

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  14. Grace, she is not on her own. She has her girlfriend, Bone Doctor, who is also Little Jo's parent. I will speak to her during the week.

    Haha Ann. I can't beat her in that area. She gave me a second hand book once, and another time a salad spinner to dry lettuce. Went to Mother's for a garage sale.

    Nicely put LS. Very much what it was.

    Pants, she certainly can be very manipulative but she genuinely struggles just being herself. Even now in her forties, she still seems to struggle with her sexuality and she is a terrible prude.

    Dina, no she did not attack Ray, just not be very friendly or gracious. Just a bad mood. As you suggest, it could start WWIII, so I will just ask her about her problem at school.

    Thanks everyone. I did not expect such wisdom. I should have known better.

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Whenever I wish I was young again, I am sobered by memories of algebra.