Friday, November 11, 2011

Shocked and a bit teary

I knew this would happen sooner or later. I thought I might have even been the first, but apparently not. Those of you who read the same American blog will know who I am talking about, or you soon will once you catch up on her blog. You know, at times you come across people in the blog world who you instinctively connect with and you know they are a decent person. The longer you read their writing, the more shading of their life comes to the fore. They transform into a real person in your life, someone you may think about even when you are not sitting at your pc. Such it has been with that person and I hope it continues for a good while yet. (just to note, it is not the Dina who is obsessed with Australia)

It takes me back to when Dame M died. My newer readers will not know who she is, but there is a tag for her and she is in the 'cast list' and a good few of you went through her death with me.

In a quiet moment and only to me, Dame M told me she was dying. I was taken aback but quickly recovered to say, 'Don't be silly Dame M. You will be fine.'

It would have saved, me, and her many friends a lot of worry and her a lot of fighting and angst had I just said, 'Ok, so how do you want to go about this Dame M? How can we make it better for you?' Instead we constantly nagged her to seek medical treatment, insisted she see a doctor, who was very out of her depth when she was confronted by a dying woman who was refusing any tests, when all Dame M wanted to do was die at home, in comfort. She did, more or less, only going to hospital two days before she died but it could have been so much better had I have taken what she said as the truth.

Like many Chinese under Chairman Mao had to write self criticisms, I have certainly mentally written my self criticism. If someone tells you they are dying, it is probably true and you support them through what may or may not be a difficult time in the best way you can, but at their leisure.

9 comments:

  1. Hello Andrew:
    We are certain that the support which you give here will be much appreciated. It is a subject with which we all have to come to terms as individuals, some often sooner than we should all wish.

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  2. Yeah JayLa. Your comment on her website was not unnoticed by me, even though I already knew.

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  3. I know who you mean and I'm a little upset too. I was just getting to know her.

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  4. It is sad River.

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  5. A workmate of mine was exactly the same way wouldn't visit a doctor or hospital even though he had blood leaking from every body orifice he had pancreatic cancer and passed away :-(.

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  6. I've just read the post to which you refer - it left me teary and shocked too. Thank you (and others here) for your words both on her blog and here. My first reaction was to protest, then I read your post and realised that reaction would not respect her wishes.

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  7. Sounds ghastly Windsmoke, but I guess how he wanted it.

    Red, bit of a hard call on knowing what the right thing to do is but all seems ok.

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  8. We all make decisions on how we live our lives and hopefully when the time comes, how we die. Some of us fight til the bitter end and some of us choose to go quietly. Those that are left behind have to deal with it, whatever way we choose.

    I think I know what option I'd choose, but you never do know until those words are spoken.

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  9. Wise words Fen, but as you say, you never know until it happens to you.

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