Friday, November 18, 2011

I like you very much

Back in about 1985, R's late parents visited Australia. I was a bitch to them, although not outwardly. I refused to eat dinner at five o'clock, much preferring my normal seven o'clock eating time. I asked the MIL not to do my washing. Truth be told, I did not mind R's mother but his father was a lazy good for nothing whinging prick and R's mother waited on him hand and foot. They went home a bit earlier than they intended. (I am at the moment looking away into space like a guilty dog.)

Still, it wasn't all bad. We took them to the Moomba Parade. (Only Melburnians will really get that) Ah, we took them to see Ballarat, we stayed in a friend's caravan in Porepunka, we stayed on Phillip Island. We have some nice photos at Hedgley Dene Gardens in East Malvern. It wasn't all bad.

One night we took them to where a friend played piano at a pub in either Clifton Hill or Alphington. I can't quite recall. Our pianist friend played honky tonk style piano and was well known in gay circles, especially at Pokeys in St Kilda on a Sunday night. It was a great night but darkened on the way home by a sober driver, me, and a pissed partner and pissed in laws who discussed the reason for their son's suicide, R's brother. Tears were shed.

A friend of our pianist who we did not know was at the venue too. Quite kindly I describe her as short and dumpy. She seemed nice enough, if a little bit common.

'C'mon Doodee, do a number', the cry went out.

The sixty year old disappeared backstage and re-entered wearing different clothing and a bowl of fruit on her head.

It was one of the most wonderful live performances I have ever seen and can a short dumpy sixty year old swing her hips in time to a fairly high tempo number? She sure did. She sang, she minced, she swayed her hips, she pouted...she was better than any drag queen I have ever seen.

I would have liked to show you her performance as she did it better than the original, or even if I could show you another amateur doing it, but You Tube is not that good yet, or perhaps my searching skills are wanting.

Instead, there is only the original Carmen Miranda.


  1. Are R's parents from England?
    I've known a few English couples, even younger ones born in Australia but with British parents, all of them, without fail, have dinner on the table at 5pm, and the wife runs around waiting on the husband while he sits in front of the TV after a "hard" day at work. Some of them were unemployed, but the wife still waited on the husband....

  2. Come on Andrew; that's not Carmen Miranda...that's you....isn't it?


  3. My parents used to do the 5pm tea time, and I still feel a twinge of guilt if I serve up after 5.30.
    Bowl of fruit on head? Sure that wasn't my mother...?

  4. Andrew, if they went home under their own steam it shows you were the epitome of restraint. Hell is not a fiery place, it is where you have to be nice to people you don't like for ridiculously long periods.

    I'm sorry for the pain R and parents were going through but, goddammit, next time serve up the lip-loosener at home so they can grieve without involving you [who, I assume, were not part of the process].

    Thanks for the Carmen Miranda.
    60, short and dumpy but still entertaining, eh...

  5. R is from England River. You sum up his parents perfectly, right down to his father being unemployed.

    Victor, you know I am quiet and unassuming. But I may well have had another guise, but not Carmen Miranda.

    Jayne, tea at five meant supper at eight, from my visit to country England. Tea at five was to sober them up, and supper at eight to put a lining on their stomach.

    FruitCake, so hell is rather like normal life on earth then. Hmmm. Getting drunk, pouring out emotions and regretting in the morning can be quite therapeutic. It was for them. I was happy to see them talk about what had happened. I was going to change it to short and stout, but I forgot. Of short and stout, I have known a few.....and still know quite a few.

  6. LOL @ Victor, cheeky :) I love live performances, always fun. Will R's parents be coming over again soon?

  7. Cazzie, note I said R's late parents. We saw their graves when we were in England.