Monday, April 11, 2011

My religion and not looking at breasts

Or perhaps the title should be Rambling Religion Rants.

I am a baptised presbyterian. My brothers are baptised, I know not what brand of christian. Sister is not baptised, a heathen, yet she teaches in a religious school and seems to go along with the religion stuffs without being a believer.

At my primary school we received religious education from Deaconess Payne. How we joked about her name in such a childlike way. Come Thursday, I feel a payne coming on.

Two things would happen when Deaconess Payne entered the class room. Some of us would double over, clutch at our stomachs and screw up our faces. I am in pain Mr Windsor.

The other thing that happened was the two baptist brothers, the two plymouth brethren brothers and a couple of catholics would leave the room. I don't know what they did when they left the room, but whatever it was, it seemed preferable to listening to Deaconess Payne bang on about some dude who wore a multicoloured patchwork coat. Actually Deac Payne wasn't a bad old stick. She meant well and was kind. Think of Sister Wendy without the teeth. I guess she was church of England, but she wore a habit like catholic nuns. She certainly wasn't a catholic nun though, as a catholic instructing the children in a predominantly protestant area would not have been tolerated.

That is a bit of my history. Via media, I am absolutely gobsmacked that the god botherers still go into our public schools in an attempt to indoctrinate young children into a world of superstitious clap trap, and worse, those not of that particular faith leave the room and sit outside.

Where are we at? This is the 21st century. Church and State are supposed to separate, yet church goes into government schools. What about the other religions? Don't they get a look in? Hopefully not. One brand of nonsense is bad enough.

Mother was a church goer. But once she moved to the country and learnt that she had to kneel at the local C of E, she gave it up as a bad job. She still sent us to Sunday School. The teachers were always young girls. I ignored them and played with the organ, repeat, THE organ. Gotta get the bellows pressure up before pulling all the knobs out.

At my work place I talk about religious culture with workmates. I am not game enough to ask what they really believe. If I did ask, I would have to respond and tell them what a lot of nonsense it is. I skirt around the essence of religion. I don't want to offend. I can do that quite well here, thank you very much.

I get quite embarrassed at overt religious displays. I don't know where to look. Rather like being in the presence of a breast feeding woman. I will look everywhere. I am not looking at her breast. I will not look at her breast. She can talk and I will look at her mouth and have no peripheral vision. Dare she rearrange to try to cover her breast, it will get worse. I will be studying plaster imperfections in the wall. I'm not looking.

Your muslim bloke, prostrate and praying. Your christian saying grace before dinner. Hehe, does anyone still do that? Your hindus chanting to their shrines. Your buddhists putting food out for their ancestors. The poor young jewish girls in their daggy long dresses.

In the past I have mentioned that perhaps I could be inclined to the buddhist religion. But now I think I like jewish better. They have better senses of humour. Often at the corner of Carlisle and Hotham Streets is an old bloke dressed up like a court jester and a young bloke who bounces around on springs. I am unsure of the purpose of their display except apparently Moshiach is coming. Moshiach sounds like he might be a good laugh.

But god save us from the dour muslims. Well, not the muslims I know, but those other ones.


  1. It's strange but I've been partly-following the debate but am still wondering at what schools the Christian stuff is still taught - it's certainly not being done so at Sapph's public primary school....?

  2. I've said it before, get into Parliament and leave your religion at the door. Bloke in charge of doling out the cash is Catholic but says that has nothing to do with funding. Tell that to the Buddhists.

  3. I remember religious instruction days at school, not so much primary school, perhaps I wasn't paying attention, but I certainly remember the high school Tuesdays.
    Those who left the room went to other classrooms where their particular brand of religion was being taught, those who were exempt from RI, via a note from their parents, got to go to the school library and either study or get a head start on their homework. I did neither, just read a book off the shelf, instead of going to the Lutheran class where I was supposed to be.

  4. The one year it was compulsory for feral beast to attend RI classes was non-stop God working in mysterious ways babble until I almost got on my knees and praised the Great Bearded Sky Daddy when the RI teacher caught leprosy/gangrene/Bubonic Plague/whatever it was and went on sick leave for eternity.
    Yea, and yon heathens did run amok in thy library, educating themselves...

  5. Kath, seems to be a shortage of volunteers to teach.

    Jah Teh, I suppose you know, but they still recite the Lord's Prayer in Parliament.

    Secondary school River? I wasn't aware there was RI then.

    He was lucky Jayne. Anymore and he might have 'seen the light'.

  6. I bet most just mouth the words like the rest of us trying to sing the National(joke)Anthem. I did see the new Governor taking the oath of office on the Bible the other day. It'll be interesting if we ever get an alternative religious Governor.

  7. Sadly Jah Teh, I know the words to the LP. Swearing in a GG with his hand on the Koran. That will upset things.

  8. Anonymous10:15 pm

    You didn't have RE in high school??? I certainly did. In fact, we had a resident pastor/social worker, who wasn't too bad all things considered. Luckily I ended up being one of those kids exempted via a note from Dad and yes, I spent it in the library! V.

  9. Did not have RE in high school V. But then I did not live in a posh area like you did when you were a teen.

  10. Anonymous12:14 am

    It may be a posh area now but it weren't when I was a young'n!! I went to a technical school; we didn't even wear a uniform! V.

  11. Which tech? Swinburn?