Thursday, January 06, 2011

Dear Mum

This is probably something I should send to Mother, but I am not sure if I will.

Dear Mum

While we kids of yours understand your medical problems, I am concerned that you will taint the memories of your grandchildren.

You did wonderful things for Dreaded Newphew, Oldest Niece and Chainsaw Niece when they were kids. You and Late Step Father took them out to so many places on Sundays. You showed them a good bit of Victoria, its forests, beaches and attractions. You played the silly and so earned the title of Nanna Fudd. It is obvious to me that they love and respect you. They are grown up now and have their own lives.

Regardless, they have indelible memories of Nanna Fudd and Step Father.

Mum, please don't spoil the kiddies memories of you with your health complaints. We, your children and their partners, can wear it and it may only be for selfish reasons, but I want them to have only good memories of you. I don't want them to remember a Nanna who was always unwell and complaining. You can do that hey Mum?

Your loving son,


  1. I can relate to this, in a way. My own grandmother who ran her own horse-and-cart milk round back in London, witnessed Queen Vic's 60th and the zeppellins in WWI, and crossed the Atlantic twice without family help to help out those she loved -- by the time I knew her, she was bed-ridden, and dying of hardening of the arteries. As well as the effects of a hard working life.

    But should older folk cease complaining about health problems simply because it may leave bad press behind them amongst the grandkids when they die? It's debatable. Then again, I don't know your mum. But I do have friends in the 70 plus age group who also have grand kids, and don't hide the fact that they're going downhill with the grace of time. And my grandmother is strong, kind, wise and strong-willed in my memory.

    Hope you and your family can sort something out, Andrew.

  2. any psychologist would confirm that Old People and their obsession with their physical condition is merely Facing Their Own Impending Mortality.
    Once past the Average Life Expectancy age, death is ever-present and they know it and are scared.
    She is looking for sympathy and attention. as are we all. get her blogging!

  3. I moan about my health problems all the time. It's my way of telling people not to expect me to get off my arse and do anything constructive.

  4. She needs an interest, like Ann said, blogging or something.
    She's bored, with time and impending death occupying her thoughts.
    Get her doc to sternly speak to her about anti-anxiety meds, do a family intervention on her to shake her out of her misery rut, write up a planner for outings/events she will attend each week.
    Yes, she can be a bother about outings but put your collective foot down and drag her out each week, it's being cruel to be kind.
    Give her a journal to write down her outings/activities or even her memories.
    Give her a scrapbook to start collating her bits and bobs.
    Get her into the local senior citz group (they do outings, too).
    She's stagnating in her own grey matter which is not recommended by Matt Preston or his cravat!

  5. Very interesting TS. What you wrote has made me think with a more open mind. She is who she is and has always been. I have noticed she doesn't go on too much with her grandchildren.

    Ann, blogging no, but she will write, long long letters. She is 76 I think, not that old really and still looks ok, but yes, many have died around her. She is quite aware of mortality and somewhat angry that Step Father went first and left her to look after herself, something she has never had to do.

    Brian, I am still using the invalid card from my op in August.

    You are right of course Jayne. Family intervention sounds like it may be the way to go, but which of her doctors to we speak too? Her favourite I suppose. She is just so introspective.

  6. My Nan laughs when she has ailments and tells me she's getting old. Ha ha she's 84. Then again I'm about to kick her swiftly in the arse for being negative all the time.

    I think old people just like to complain, or something. They've earned it I think!

  7. Fen, I am so looking forward to being an old whinger, rather than a middle aged one that I now am.

  8. I must be very crook, I'm about to agree with Lord Hughes.

    As much as I love having the nephew around, I'm having to put on the brave face as he's always checking to see if I'm okay. I mean one of the benefits of living alone is being able to groan and moan at any time of day or night.

  9. Jahteh, I always knew you were the caring and sharing type.