Friday, December 03, 2010

Tips for Oprah Guests

American tv talk show host Oprah Winfrey is gracing our fair Australian shores along with a few hundred guests she is bringing with her. Here are a few tips for her guests to make them feel welcome and familiar once they land.

While we don't dress like this all the time, you will find us wearing our national costume on Sundays and for special occasions. PS, Clothes are cheaper in the US, so buy yours in advance before you come.


It will be very cold at this time of the year, so bring plenty of warm clothes, coats, scarves, mittens etc. This range is called the Blue Mountains.


We have many beautiful buildings here. This one is right next to our very special opera house. It's easy to get to. Simply catch a train to the suburb of Redfern and wander the streets at your leisure. There lots of nice and expensive shops in Redfern, so take lots of cash and impress the locals with your finest jewellery.


Porche is a very common car here and note, we take law and order very seriously. You vill obey.


Some of our food, such as burenwurst will make you feel quite and home.


But then some of our breakfast staples may seem a little different to you.


One thing you can relax about, we drive on the same side of the road as you, so you don't have to be so concerned when crossing the road. If you wear something that readily identifies you as American, can drivers will usually stop and let you cross the road anyway. Just do it like in Vietnam, walk slowly across the road and everything will go around you.

17 comments:

  1. I wanna see a pic of you in your lederhosen.

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  2. Ship em to NZ I say... cant believe the hysteria going on just to get her tickets!

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  3. OTOH I want to see a photo of Shirl in lederhosen slathered with whipped cream on a bed of Darrell (and his other brother Darrell) Lea's Rocky Road.

    (But that's just me and I blame my half British background, Jayne.)

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  4. Oprah's guests may prefer to fit in a day trip across the border into Hobbitland.

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  5. You're EVIL!

    BTW, Porche has an extra 's' in between, Porsche unless one of those criminals down under has nicked it.

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  6. HAha! Sadly, they'll probably never know if your tips are 'useful' or not - I'm betting their trip is so completely orchestrated they won't leave the motel/bus/limo/studio/shopping centre!

    Happy travels!!

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  7. The Trapp family wore lederhosen when, I'm reliably advised, they sang Shirl's anthem.

    "Idle vice, idle vice ..."

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  8. Jayne, R locks them away and keeps the key.

    Mirebella, while of course I know who she is, I have not actually seen Oprah in action. They need some laughs in NZ, so it is a good idea.

    LS, it's that strong British German connection that gets you going.

    And where might Hobbitland be Victor?

    Just trying to be helpful Peter. I might leave my incorrect spelling in case Porsche notice it and sue me.

    It will certainly be orchestrated Red, but I think they will see a bit our land. I heard some of the Victorian itinerary today.

    Too true LS. Idle vice. It is an age thing.

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  9. OMG that breakfast thing looks like lung up cough!

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  10. Jellied eel I think Fen.

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  11. This is sooo delicious, Andrew. I read the article about the big O in the SMH yesterday. What a disgusting hoot!! I wanna just bury my head in my pillow. Must check her dates and wash my hair all week long. Maybe it is the week that I am sitting on a mountain top in QLS. Oh, I do hope so.

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  12. And don't forget that untidy sock drawer that needs straightening up too Julie. I actually don't know when she will be here either. It must be soon as the publicity is gathering pace.

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  13. *snort* Lord S.
    I heard Darrell was partial to whipped cream and Rocky Road.
    Particularly on Sans Pants Friday.

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  14. Try being an Austrian Australian like I am. Muhahaha.

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  15. Jayne, don't tell me you went to the Bowl on Friday!

    Ren, my mental image of you has now changed from wedding dress to frilly skirt with an Akubra on your head.

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  16. Ah I see Oprah is using the same consultants that the Koreans used to source an Australian traditional costume for the G20 summit.

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  17. Prompted by that Ben, along with our parcel possibly coming to Aus from Japan via Austria.

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Whenever I wish I was young again, I am sobered by memories of algebra.