It would seem I stole some stuff. Any day soon I expect I expect the heavy hand of PC Plod to fall upon my shoulder and R named as an accomplice to my crime.
'Your Honour, it was an innocent mistake.'
'Highriser, on balance I find your evidence and defence implausible. Send him down', as he places a black cloth on his head.
Saturday food shopping is always stressful for me. I have to hold myself back from the way I shop and consider the way R likes to shop. We shop very differently. I take a list and stick to it and see nothing else. R browses and takes his time at choosing. But then he worries that we have so much to do and starts to get panicky while I know less haste and staying calm is best. Talk about opposites, doubly.
Sometimes at the supermarket I do the check out transaction, sometimes R does. I guess it was my turn and I could sense R watching me, ready to pick up on any mistake I made. I do the same to him, but I am kind enough to never mention it. By the time I had finished transacting, he had scooped up the shopping bags and was out of the building. I scooped up the remainder and we headed to the car, only to then go to the other supermarket for what they had for cheap.
So we visited two supermarkets and consequently I am unsure of in which I committed the theft.
When we were safely in our garage and unloading our shopping into our jeep to bring upstairs, I remarked to R about how much shopping we had bought.
Once upstairs I noticed a large packet of crisps of a brand I did not know. Hmm, R has bought some odd crisps. I noticed he was looking intently at the packet of crisps, but nothing registered. With retrospect, he was probably thinking the same.
A large bag of tomatoes. I did not see them go into the fruit and vegetable basket at the Harry Heng's green grocery shop.
Bah, I have told R time and again about the poor economics of packaged salad vegetables and he has now bought some.
The clincher to what I had done was the two fresh chickens. Why buy uncooked chooks when you can buy them ready done at the supermarket.
It could have been R but I think it was more likely me who picked up someone else's shopping on the way out of one of the supermarkets. Perhaps the bags were set aside for a home delivery. Perhaps they belonged to the two homosexuals in front of us who as we exited the supermarket who were sitting on an old persons supermarket bench seat looking intently at their shopping receipt. I particularly noticed them because one of the homosexuals was a stout 5 feet and the other a lean 6.5 feet.
R wrestled with his conscience for a while I stated no way was I driving back to Prahran in heavy traffic to return the goods. We had to go into town in the afternoon, so eventually I suggested we could get the tram or bus back to Prahran, return the booty, and get the train to the town.
The end result? The crisps were quickly consumed, terribly salty, the tomatoes eaten as fruit, the greens added to a salad and we need a recipe for how to roast a chicken? We know how to roast beef and pork, but it is a long time since we have roasted a chook. Two fresh chooks for the marked discount price of $8 is very cheap, so I am not expecting much.
But every time the phone rings, I am expecting the voice of Commissioner Overland to ask me to call into our neighbouring police station for a chat.