Saturday, December 18, 2010

Thieves at the Highrise

It would seem I stole some stuff. Any day soon I expect I expect the heavy hand of PC Plod to fall upon my shoulder and R named as an accomplice to my crime.

'Your Honour, it was an innocent mistake.'

'Highriser, on balance I find your evidence and defence implausible. Send him down', as he places a black cloth on his head.

Saturday food shopping is always stressful for me. I have to hold myself back from the way I shop and consider the way R likes to shop. We shop very differently. I take a list and stick to it and see nothing else. R browses and takes his time at choosing. But then he worries that we have so much to do and starts to get panicky while I know less haste and staying calm is best. Talk about opposites, doubly.

Sometimes at the supermarket I do the check out transaction, sometimes R does. I guess it was my turn and I could sense R watching me, ready to pick up on any mistake I made. I do the same to him, but I am kind enough to never mention it. By the time I had finished transacting, he had scooped up the shopping bags and was out of the building. I scooped up the remainder and we headed to the car, only to then go to the other supermarket for what they had for cheap.

So we visited two supermarkets and consequently I am unsure of in which I committed the theft.

When we were safely in our garage and unloading our shopping into our jeep to bring upstairs, I remarked to R about how much shopping we had bought.

Once upstairs I noticed a large packet of crisps of a brand I did not know. Hmm, R has bought some odd crisps. I noticed he was looking intently at the packet of crisps, but nothing registered. With retrospect, he was probably thinking the same.

A large bag of tomatoes. I did not see them go into the fruit and vegetable basket at the Harry Heng's green grocery shop.

Bah, I have told R time and again about the poor economics of packaged salad vegetables and he has now bought some.

The clincher to what I had done was the two fresh chickens. Why buy uncooked chooks when you can buy them ready done at the supermarket.

It could have been R but I think it was more likely me who picked up someone else's shopping on the way out of one of the supermarkets. Perhaps the bags were set aside for a home delivery. Perhaps they belonged to the two homosexuals in front of us who as we exited the supermarket who were sitting on an old persons supermarket bench seat looking intently at their shopping receipt. I particularly noticed them because one of the homosexuals was a stout 5 feet and the other a lean 6.5 feet.

R wrestled with his conscience for a while I stated no way was I driving back to Prahran in heavy traffic to return the goods. We had to go into town in the afternoon, so eventually I suggested we could get the tram or bus back to Prahran, return the booty, and get the train to the town.

The end result? The crisps were quickly consumed, terribly salty, the tomatoes eaten as fruit, the greens added to a salad and we need a recipe for how to roast a chicken? We know how to roast beef and pork, but it is a long time since we have roasted a chook. Two fresh chooks for the marked discount price of $8 is very cheap, so I am not expecting much.

But every time the phone rings, I am expecting the voice of Commissioner Overland to ask me to call into our neighbouring police station for a chat.


  1. A nice story, Andrew. It makes me think of the film "Going My Way" and the scene at the table when Father Fitzgibbon (Barry Fitzgerald) and Father O'Malley (Bing Crosby) sit down to a lovely dinner of roast turkey.

    One of my favourite ways of doing roast chicken is "Chicken with Champagne and Tarragon"

    Preparation time: 30 minutes
    Cooking time: 1 hour 45 mins
    Serves 4.
    1 chook
    2 cups fresh brown breadcrumbs
    1 egg, lightly beaten
    2 cloves garlic, crushed
    2 t.spoons finely grated lemon rind
    1 T.spoon finely chopped fresh tarragon
    2 cups champagne or dry white wine
    1 cup chicken stock
    4 whole peppercorns
    1 bay leaf

    1. Preheat oven to moderate (180º). Wash, and pat dry chicken. Tuck wing tips to underside.

    2. Mix together breadcrumbs, egg, garlic, lemon rind and tarragon. Stuff chook cavity until almost full. Secure cavity with a skewer. Tie chicken legs together with string.

    3. Place chicken breast-side up in an 8-cup capacity casserole dish. Mix together wine and stock and pour over chicken. Add the peppercorns and bay leaf.

    4. Bake, uncovered for 1 and a quarter hours or until chicken is golden and cooked.

    5. Place chicken on a serving plate. Cut into pieces, keep warm. Strain sauce and serve with chicken. Serve with steamed asparagus and baby carrots.

    I don't always add the stuffing as the boys won't eat it. And I used a white corning ware dish which is 2.8 litre and was just the right size for the chook. Mashed potato done with spring onion goes well with it.

    Bon appétit!

    PS I deleted my earlier comment as it was full of typos.☺

  2. I've the feeling you both went home with someone elses shopping. So all is paid for only the other person has less in his/her basket. ;)


    A recipe to cook chicken? Come on, it's the easiest, season it with stuff, chuck it in the oven and voila.

  4. I am laughing, because you probably got my shopping, it has happened to me twice in my life and I guard my shopping well these days, Only because I hate shopping and do not want to return to the shops and have a hissy fit, lol.
    Once, I purchased everything on my list, and got home to find at least 12 items missing, but they were paid for on my receipt. I too, stick to my list and do not stray from it when I shop. No use going back to the shops about it.
    What I do now is I make the attendant wait until the other party has placed all of their goods in their trolley before I let them process my stuff. And again, I make them wait to process the next person's items before I have finished loading mine.
    I hate shopping... and I am off to do it now, before the crowds come in. Mia has made a list for me, and we will stick to it.. so long as I can undertand her spelling :)

  5. Sometimes I used to find that other people got confused and put things in my trolley. Bad people. Smack.

    Now I have old lady trolley and peeps steer clear. Old lady, trolley and hefty stick.

    Steer clear peeps ...

  6. I think it might have been better for you to post notices on Gaydar and Craiglist calling for two homosexuals; one a stout 5 feet and the other a lean 6.5 feet who may have lost their shopping to contact you.

    Who knows? You may have gained two new friends or at the least their undying gratitude...not.


  7. And so the poor little orphans at the Melbourne Sanctuary for Battered Kiddies had no Christmas dinner that year...

  8. Thanks BFG, the recipe sounds good. Normally I don't care about typos but I suppose it is important when you are writing a recipe.

    Peter, I just hope it was a home delivery waiting to be collected by the delivery person, so the store will wear the cost.

    Fen, that is how I would cook it. No doubt R will make it very nice.

    Aw Cazzie. Now perhaps I stole the goods from a good hard working Mum. I hope Mia can spell chocolate and marshmellow and icecream.

    Take a grandchild with you Julie and you will have someone to blame for your 'additional items'.

    Victor, I steer clear of young gays. Well, perhaps it is that they steer clear of me. No fats, Asians, fems or old trolls. I fit one category, possibly two.

    Yay Brian. You made me laugh out loud.

  9. Two whole chickens...sound like my typical weekly shop.

  10. Yeah - track them down and invite them over for roast chook! It would have gone off otherwise ...

    Otherwise, how will anyone know it's you? Other than the fact it's now on the www!!!

  11. AR, do you like your white meat raw or do you prefer cooked?

    Ha Red. That would be funny to feed them their own chook.