The permanent newspaper was an idea of comedian Jane Clifton. Well, maybe she stole it from someone as I am doing so from her. I'll just keep republishing and redating as I add new items, or as you add new items in comments.
Let us start with politics.
Deputy Prime Minister says she has full confidence in the Prime Minister and has no leadership ambitions. (and we all know what follows)
Police. Crime statistics show a drop in crime in the state. (Is that per head or percentage? Maybe we have given up reporting crimes)
Public transport. Over the next twelve months you can expect to see huge improvements. (I'd rather go backwards to the 1950s when the service was faster and more reliable)
Roads. This new freeway will solve our traffic problems.
More for the permanent newspaper.
We have already had the fire warning. It either goes, we have had lots of rain and the undergrowth will be thick and give a high fuel load, or the bush is very dry due to the lack of rain. Year in, year out, the fire authorities will tell us one of either.
Pending is Chadstone shopping centre twenty four hour opening pre christmas being reported on television news. There will be shots of people shopping for christmas presents at 3am, sadly dragging their out of routine kiddies with them. Fkn idjits.