Saturday, December 18, 2010

Aussie Hamburger

I am not liking Australian Food's hamburger recipe. Garlic indeed.

Given that I don't really cook, I am not sure that I am qualified to say how an Aussie hamburger should be created, but since when did lack of knowledge ever stop me?

Toasted buns, well, a hamburger bun cut in half and toasted both sides. No soggy bun. No sugar in the bun. It should have lots of salt though. We need the iodine in our diet.

Spread tomato sauce on the bottom half of the bun. Ok, if you are one of those foreign types, you could rub a clove of garlic on the bun first to make it a little more palatable.

Place on the bottom half of the bun a coarsely ground and fatty minced beef patty cooked on a grill plate.

Crisply fried slices of onions broken into rings should be stacked onto the meat.

Onto that a fried egg with a still runny yolk. I don't think free range eggs are appropriate for the Aussie hamburger.

A rasher of fried bacon over the egg and not your crisp type shattering bacon, just a a rasher of lightly cooked bacon.

Slices of ripe tomato. No exotic tomatoes just a firm but ripe supermarket tomato.

A slice or two of tinned beetroot, preferably the Aussie grown beetroot, from New Zealand.

Top with sliced iceberg lettuce. Do not use rocket or any other foreign lettuceii.

Now you need a condiment. No Hungarian paprika or chilli powder. What is required is finely ground white pepper. Masses of healthy and exceptionally well nourished Australians have been brought up on fine white pepper sitting on the dinner table, even if they have never added it to food.

More tomato sauce on top. Heinz is fine. We have forgotten the war. Rosella sauce is made by a good old Aussie overseas owned company. But my preferred is our national bird symbol brand, White Crow.

In contention is whether a slice of Kraft cheddar cheese should be laid on top of the hot mince patty. Pre sliced cheese wasn't around when the Aussie hamburger was invented so it must be a later addition. Given Kraft sliced cheddar has no taste, it is a moot point.

Don't worry about trying to look elegant while eating an Aussie burger. You cannot. The question always is which part of the burger is going to fall out first and where on your shirt will it land.

Sorry to you Jews, Moslems, Hindus and Vegos. The Aussie burger is not for you. If you are catholic, you can't make one on Friday.

Who of us make them anyway? They are much better from Harry Nguyen's fish and chip shop.

Originally written 10/11/10.


  1. "The question always is which part of the burger is going to fall out first and where on your shirt will it land."

    Much like the bread or toast always landing butter side down, it will always be the beetroot and there's no part of the shirt it will not hit.

    And that is the definitive hamburger recipe. (Odd isn't it that the hamburger is decidedly hamless.)

  2. Dodson's Fish 'n' Chips joint in Dunolly does a deadly old fashioned hamburger.
    It's only a little up the road from Melbourne...

  3. Anonymous6:26 pm

    I still enjoy the occasional good ol' Aussie burger - though these days I have a veggie pattie rather than a meat one and usually forgo the egg. I was pleased to see you didn't forget the beetroot!

    Last trip home, I was out hiking at the beach with J & J from Berwick. Aussie-born J (as apposed to US-born J) and I decided we had to have 'proper' fish and chips on the way home from a proper chippie. I had a lovely, healthy meal of chips and potato cakes! US-born J, couldn't understand our blissful state. V.

  4. Oh for those days in the 1960s when I used to eat two, count em, two hamburgers for lunch each and every weekday purchased freshly made from the Greek milk bar near the office; all the components fresh (not frozen or plastic) and my metabolism working so well that even with that diet I still failed the Government medical for the reason of being underweight!

    McDonalds and the term 'fast food' were still unknown in those days.

  5. LS, bit may be hamless, but it does have bacon.

    Bring me one back Jayne. Cold soggy hamburgers are delightful.

    V, I would call that the Vegemite syndrome. Mother was taken to Kilcunda Hotel for lunch a few Sundays ago. Expensive, but she loved it.

    Yes Victor, tell me about it. It all started going wrong at about 30. Before that, it did not matter what I ate. Nothing would shift me from 58kgs.