It has been a long time since I felt anger towards my mother, but that is my most recent feeling.
Before christmas I took Mother to a medical appointment. I remember now, that I was up a Dawn's crack because R was locked in his bathroom, so I probably was not my usual self. But it is not really related.
I dropped Mother back to her home and she gave me a christmas card for Little Jo. My idea. I said, save the postage. I was going straight to Sister's from Mother's and meeting R there. I took the card and when I arrived at Sister's, she was out and R was playing with Little Jo.
I gave Little Jo her card from Nana and she was quite excited and happy.
I absentmindedly looked at the envelope and it was addressed using Little Jo's first name, followed by Sister's last name but no last name of the Bone Doctor. Little Jo's last name is a combo of Sister's last name and Bone Doctor's last name, with a gap but no hyphen.
What was Mother thinking!!! I stuffed the envelope into my pocket so neither Sister nor Bone Doctor would see it.
It has taken me a while to get around to correcting Mother on this point. Omitting Bone Doctor's name shows disrespect to Little Jo, to Sister and the Bone Doctor and I feel to us too. Never mind that Bone Doctor put $10,000 in Mother's bank account to keep in a style to which she is accustomed. Bone Doctor will be repaid at the end of the day.
On the phone to Mother this week.
Me: Oh, Ma, meant to mention, but I keep forgetting. You forgot to put Bone Doctor's name on Little Jo's christmas card envelope.
Mother: Oh, is that her name. I did not know.
Thought: Oh yes you did Mother, because I remember telling you and you asked which name was first and I told you Sister's and you said, well, so it should be. I prefer lying and cheating over being disingenuous.
Me: Lucky I noticed and kept the envelope.
Mother: Doesn't matter.
Me: Yes it does, they both would have been very hurt.
I left it at that. It is enough. She won't try that stunt again.
Mother embraced R as part of the family thirty years ago and thinks the world of him. Son 1 can always find an excuse to cut a phone call to or from Mother, but R is so nice, he speaks to her for an hour if she wants. But of course then moans to me about the long telephone call.
I recall the first time Mother met the Bone Doctor. It was at some awful smorgasboard eating place in Warrigal Road, probably Burwood. It has flaming tikki torches outside. Carnevue just slipped into my mind. I think that was its original name.
A few days later I wrote to Mother expressing the hope that the Bone Doctor would be accepted into the family as R had been so many years ago. She never responded. The rest of the family has accepted Bone Doctor as they did R.
Today I said to Sister, does Mother know it is your and Bone Doctor's tenth anniversary? Sister just pulled a face that said don't talk nonsense brother, and said no. Bone Doctor has bought Sister a most gorgeous ring for the occasion. They are going to Docklands, on some freebie for dinner to celebrate, and the gay uncles are going to host Little Jo's first night away from them next weekend. I'll shut my bedroom door to ensure Little Jo ends up in R's bed and not mine when she wakes in the middle of the night.
Back to Mother. She normally has a bit more style than to be caught out in such an obvious way. Why does she not like the Bone Doctor? Firstly, Bone Doctor's brother is autistic and I think Bone Doctor might be slightly. She perhaps lacks a little empathy at times. She is perhaps a little too dismissive of Mother's medical problems, both the real and the imagined. Bone Doctor does not understand what it is like to be in constant pain. Neither do I, but I can be sympathetic.
Mother says, poor Little Jo. She is sick. Take her to the doctor. Bone Doctor says, it is (clinical diagnosis), her immune system will deal with it. Of course Bone Doctor monitors Little Jo's temp etc.
It is perhaps unfair that half of Mother's children turned out to be same sex
Sister and Mother have a very close relationship and certainly in the past, an honest one.
A theory I have is that Mother could understand how a bloke could take her daughter away from her, but she can't handle having her daughter taken away by a woman.
Mother would never be directly nasty or even say anything to me, but she really does seem to have a big problem with Sister's choice of a partner, the Bone Doctor.
Your thoughts are most welcome. I am only flying kites. I don't really understand.