Thursday, December 11, 2008

City Bogans/Bogongs

Mayor Doyle wants to rid our fair city of bogans, or chavs if you have a regional UK accent. US of A needs to have an equivalent word. Oh yeah, trailer trash.

Good on Mayor Doyle. Please do get rid of bogans and while you are about it...... well, you are getting rid of untalented buskers too. Get rid of those loud private school girls please. And those druggie types with there parachute fabric type pants. And all those foreign students who clutter up up the cheap Asian/Indian restaurants and yabber away in their own tongues.

Grannies who walk so slowly, they impede the flow of pedestrians. Ban them. And skate boarder types as well. They cause alarm to all with their clatter over pavement joints.

Those Big Issue sellers who try to embarrass you into buying their socialist propaganda. Ban them for sure.

Kevin selling lollies from a wheelchair is not a great ad for Melbourne. Ban him.

We are a classy city. Get rid of the barely moving statue people and the bloke who gets off on lying on nails.

Photo looking art work from spray cans and twisted bits of metal or cane will never get a gig at the Tate. Banned.

Blokes in suits talking on mobile phones about their latest shafting of a collegue. Not nice. Banned.

Idiots from overseas photographing all sorts of buildings. Idiots, all the photos that need be taken have been and find them on the net.

Ringwood lass in town for your boyfriend to buy you a wedding ring, he will ditch you at the drop of a sagged pudenda.

Nudge out of town those pretentious types who attend city churches and not their own local ones.

Local people who live and shop in the city? Why? Did you ever think where your visitors might park?

You lady, yes you, the one with gloves on and who lives at Barradene in Toorak. You are an anchronism. Get into the 21st century.

Ok, we have got the city rid of the undesirables.

Highriser stands at the corner of Bourke and Swanston, and with much self satisfaction, now realises that he has now recreated the 1970s.

I did tell you I would be in a grumpy mood this week.

10 comments:

  1. I think we should also get rid of those trains; that way we'd be a) removing the Emo's natural habitat and b) Allowing Transurban to buy up the land left by the trains to build another gorgeous freeway.

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  2. Extra Metamucil on your cornflakes, dearie ;)

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  3. And Reuben, it would stop all the whingeing about public transport.

    You Jayne, may have put too much on yours by the sound of it.

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  4. Exactly Andrew. Connex would need not fear (or exist for that matter). And Lynne Kosky can resume doing her lifelong dream: vacuum-cleaning the Simpson desert

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  5. I really havent noticed any change in your mood recently. Same old highriser.

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  6. I couldn't comment on the other post but I'll just say that those diet food delivery companies are rubbish. They're frozen and full of preservatives and so expensive I couldn't afford to eat.
    Besides one of my neighbours ate a week's delivery in one day. Very dangerous for a fat lady to have more than a day's food to hand.

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  7. And get rid of Flinders Street station too. Sick of those freaks hanging out on the steps.

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  8. Reuben, wonder if Brumby regrets making her transport minister?

    Andy, no matter how much you sweet talk me, I won't do the deed on you.......unless you force me.

    They are a substitute for food Jahteh, not an addition.

    TDW, my history self loves the idea of meeting under the clocks. Present day self sees not much attractive about the steps....well, maybe sometimes a cute guy.

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  9. Maybe, Andrew. But I think she resents it more than anyone.

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  10. Obviously we should ban people from the CBD full stop things would run much smoother then.

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Whenever I wish I was young again, I am sobered by memories of algebra.