Today is my birthday. Lots of good wishes please and make them lavish. It is also the 32nd birthday of my electric razor which I wrote about two years ago. He is still with me, and it is a he. His name is Phillip something. No Lady Remington near my face with your girl leg hairs or worse stuck in the blades.
He still works well and he was given to me on my eighteenth birthday.......oh god, that makes me, (clunking noise as the cogs turn in my head) wow and damnation, forty years old. I am going to suicide. Pass me the Wiltshire Stay Sharp, the moggas and the Kalishnakov please, and your arithmetic skills are clearly seriously deficient.