Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Letter from a friend update

Mercboi. I can't say precisely what I wrote. It was jumble of words, some of which I carefully considered but mostly just ran out of my fingers. He won't respond. He just needed some reassurance that there is life for a gay after 35.

just dont seem to have any other interests in life outside of their self adoration and their committment to gay night life. David, this is true about him I guess but I would not say he is an excessive goer outer. And in Australia, we don't have the culture of just normal pubs where you might gather a few nights a week for a drink with whoever is around or mates. A gay pub pretty well has to have shows to survive, although there are one or two exceptions. Clubbing is the thing and I don't think they smoke much or drink much, except water. They do take lots of other stuff though and not much point going before midnight. Pleased to hear you are holding up ok. I am not.

Jah Teh, his personality is just so gay, I cannot imaging him not being. A bit of mature age sophistication has it all over a plastic fantastic. I agree, but you and I are seeing it from a different perspective. One of his nicks used to be PlaStiC.

Jo, thanks for the opportunity to say what I think rather than try to paint a good picture. But our changing physical experience as we get older, is hard for most people, no? Or do gay men prize youth and beauty above all else? They do, and I do too. It is rammed down our throats (pun intended) daily through gay media and the net. But for me this only extends to basic sex and a handbag and I think that it is much the same for other older gays. Of course it makes it harder for gay men once they are over a certain age when youth is so prized. Many widen their horizons to other ethnicities where they can still meet youngish people. Some just like other ethnicities.

Changing physical appearance is not great for anyone, but yes harder for gay people. We have all heard about how a woman becomes invisible after a certain age. That is, how guys stop noticing them. That is me now in the gay world, the invisible woman. I accept that.

As for your mother's friend, I am trying to think of a gay couple who have successfully got together at the age of 40 or more, and I cannot. I don't hold much hope for him getting a life partner, but then one advantage of being gay is friends and f*** buddies, and sometimes they can be both. I quite like this break down of the traditonal style relationship and I do know that this can work even until people are quite old.

The real reason I could not give him a really meaningful response was that I grew in a different time. It was not like that for me. While it was not quite the checked shirt and tight jeans era (slap your face Jah Teh), it was pretty close and you either dressed similarly to that or were over the top efem. There was no muscle culture at all that I recall.

All this thinking is doing my head in. It is probably clear via my blog that I don't think much. Maybe more on the subject some time. I'll just round off with the last words in my second email in response to my friend.

Anyway, don't worry about it so much. You will automatically adjust your mindset and adapt. And don't forget, you'll aways be lalala years younger than me bitch.


  1. Andrew, you'll always be tight jeans to me.

  2. Your face slapped in advance Jah Teh.........ok, maybe they were a little squashy.

  3. Actually you made me think with these two posts. The gay men I know of or have as friends are not the pretty boy types. They all have intelligence, a joy of life and many interests outside of clubbing. This could be because they're older and have left behind the trials of coming out and found or are the kind to look for, life partners and have a lot of friends away from the gay tribe.

    I insist you wear tight jeans to the next grogblog. Brownie and I will chase the gropers away for you.

  4. I invented a term, professional gay. Being gay is their life and they are one group who find it harder as they get older.