Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Letter from a friend

It is an email actually from my friend in Sydney. How nice it would be to receive a letter. He is all of thirty one. I dont really have any wise words for him, but I will make something up. He is totally obsessed with his appearance and has turned from when I first met him from a slim cute pretty boy to a handsome muscle hunk. I kinda liked the old him more. Although he is the same person, I just feel so totally out of my league to the point where I would not inflict myself on him in public. (What is the connection between that hot guy that old queen?) But that is not to do with how he behaves towards me.

Note the bit about me being overly cautious, not sure where that came from, but perhaps it is correct.

I got a question..
As you got out of your 20's and on in years how did you mentally deal with ageing?
I mean for example how did you sort of come to terms that you won't be what "gay society" likes in a youth orientated culture?
I mean now I look thru DNA and see these f***ing twinks in their early-mid 20's and think...f*** that's amazing.
Yes, through plastic surgery (as you know i had a temple lift, dermal fillers and i'm getting an endoscopic mid face lift done soon to lift my cheeks back to 19 again), I've managed to stave off the years probably so I pass for early to mid 20's.
I still get my ID checked at clubs sometimes, but it's getting more and more difficult for me to maintain this illusion and one day I'm going to be past it and feel like I'm on the scrap heap and it's driving me nuts. I almost feel terminally ill.
I guess I don't know that many guys who I can talk to you like I can talk to you.
You seem to understand me a bit better.
I mean you're very overly cautious about things...as you are with everything which is just how you are but you always manage to put things in a way that makes sense to me.
I don't know if this has come out the right way actually, I hope it hasnt' offended.
I mean I'm just looking for some pointers basically.
Hope I'm not overstepping the mark by asking.


  1. Anonymous11:07 am

    LOL, what was your reply ?

  2. One of my mum's best friends has recently turned 40 and is really worrying about this. He feels too old to be going to gay clubs and bars like he used to, and would really like to meet someone and 'settle down'. He feels that getting older is much, much harder for a gay man without a partner.

    But our changing physical experience as we get older, is hard for most people, no? Or do gay men prize youth and beauty above all else?*

    I'm interested in what you think.

    (Sorry - I don't have any gay friends to ask!).

    *I don't actually think this.

  3. Anonymous3:02 pm

    Andrew, That was an interesting letter from your friend. Ageing is something we all have to come to terms with, and if we are happy within ourselves then ageing is not usually an obstacle to our inner happiness.
    As much as guys like to hang out on the gay scene every other night.. if not every night, well it is actually this social pastime that is partly one of the causes of homos ageing, simply because it usually involves drinking every night, and smoking like a chimney, as well as breathing in other peoples smoke, in an atmosphere that to be honest is never going to be kind to our facial skin and youthful looks.
    Sure I love a drink and the occasional visit to my favourite Club/Bar, but I refuse to sit on a barstool every night and physically decompose ten times faster than nature has allowed us.
    All the boys I fancied about 15 yrs ago in the Soho gay Village here in London now look truly awful. Their very lifestyle has killed off their beauty and youthful looks. I feel as if nature has cheated them because no one told them what that lifestyle would do to the very thing that they were hanging on to.
    Last year I reached the age of Fifty. When I tell people this they laugh. They all say 'No way'.
    Little old ladies in shops call me 'Sonny' or 'Young man'. Maybe its in the genes, I dont know. But sure, by abstaining from large amounts of regular alcohol, and smoking combined with bad diets and not enough water, then I think it has helped me. Plus I do have a daily regime with a certain oil that I have not missed since the age of 20.(30 yrs ago) Ok I might have missed a few days.
    You know Joan Collins was right about the Make-up and cosmetics industry. All that stuff is full of shit. I dont want to put chemicals and alcohol on my face thankyou. What I use is a natural substance that penetrates the facial skin and then goes right into the blood stream. Im told that I have the complection of a 30 yr old guy. But I dont like to go on about me so much, but it would help to get a message over to people who abuse their bodies.
    About five years ago when out clubbing on a wild night out with some friends, well one of those friends who was quite close to me (he was about 21 then..he always fancied me but I was not interested in him that way) well just as I turned up, looking well flushed and fresh after a bath and a scrub up.. he looked at me right into my eyes as we leaned on the bar and said "God, you look radiant tonight". I'll never forget those words. And to think that I was 45 then. What would your friend give if someone could say that to him when he reaches 45.
    My partner is goading me into doing one of those photos... you know like Liz Taylor did, one where she was 25 then one where she was 50, do you remember? She looked almost exactly the same after 25 yrs. He only suggested that, as my hair is a bit long now just like it was 25 yrs ago.
    But as for your friend, like many young guys on the gay scene well alot of them just dont seem to have any other interests in life outside of their self adoration and their committment to gay night life.
    You mentioned that teen God Lief Garrett. I feel so sad when I see him now. He has paid the price for his lifestyle. But strangely David Cassidy doesent look too bad these days. If he were to grow his hair long again then he wouldn't look much different from his 70's heyday.
    Perhaps your friend will mature soon, and maybe find inner happiness because that's what I really think he is searching for.

    Sorry about the long posting only I dont have your e-mail address.


  4. In the age of AIDS and we're still in it, he should be celebrating the life he has but the gay world's a cruel place. It was never like that in the 50s, 60s or 70s but when AIDS hit there was a desperation to look healthy which meant muscles and the gym culture took over. Even if he wasn't gay I think he'd still be looking for youth.
    A bit of mature age sophistication has it all over a plastic fantastic.......cue the G-G.

  5. Funny Mercboi, one of his nicks was a mix of upper and lower case. I will stretch it to another post when I have time.

    Ditto Pomgirl.

    No probs about long post David. Interesting for others to read, but then he neither smokes nor drinks and his diet is not bad after I lectured him on the evils of KFC. Your point about guys you used to like. The bigger (better)they are, the harder they fall and the more trouble they have as they age. My email is I think in my profile.

    Correct Jah Teh. Wise words. That is why it is hard for my to give him an experience answer, because it was not like that when I was his age.