It turns out that I do not have cancer of the nose and I won't need a disfiguring operation. Nor have been so drunk that I cannot recall walking nose first into a door.
After suffering a strangely sore and slightly swollen nose for a couple of days in silence, I mentioned it to my in house Doctor R and he diagnosed a pimple on the inside of my nose. As he is unqualified, I asked him how he knew and he has had one too.
I concurred with his diagnosis but also added that it could be an ingrown hair on the inside of my nose.
Whatever. After five days the nose is now back to normal and once again I can tilt my head back and disdainfully sniff at one and all.