Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Reactive

I have been very good lately and managed to keep my desires well in control. I am talking about three years here. But I think it was a reactive thing to having the o/s visitors in our home that as soon as they left, I felt driven. Unbelievably strongly driven. Newspapers online, did not look at them, blog, only when R was home and we were watching tv, can't be bothered with anyone, can barely do house work. Otherwise in chat lines endlessly, promises promises, disappointments, disappointments. Restictions frustrating. I can't focus on anything. I can't read. I can't concentrate. I can't function at all. I just have to have the right experience with the right person. Self relief does not help at all.

Yesterday it happened. The right experience with the right guy. The bonus was he was a knockout looking guy. HOT AS. Tall, slim, smooth and muscular, hung, charming, stylish, great clothes. Now I feel calm and relaxed and can get back to my normal life. The old sourpuss cat does get the cream sometimes. Hopefully it will keep me going until I am old and have to pay for such pleasure.

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